Lost confidence in driving

Refresher lessons are a good idea. However I find having a sat nave set for my destination is very helpful. I like the lady's voice telling me when to turn , which lane to get into etc. Even if I have done the journey before it means I can relax. also if I make a mistake and drive past a turning because I am in th ewrong lane it tells me how to get back onto my route. I prefer to use a proper sat nav and not my phone. The sat nav has quite a big screen. I like having my phone free. I sometimes stop and use it to look up my destination, get a difinitive address, and see it on google etc.

Travelsafar: I'm glad that you are able to travel by trains & buses.
I had a recent appointment at the specialist hospital that serves our local area (referred by local hospital for 2nd opinion). I didn't want to drive for various reasons, including parking. Here is my journey plan:
Bus to nearby town, 2nd bus to train station at another town, then train and another bus to hospital (last 2 run frequently & reliably, first 2 not!)
I could not do the first (and last) 2 legs of the journey within a day. I needed to get a taxi to the train station - £40 return (plus of course, return train fare)
Of course, as so often happens, a dear neighbour drove me, went shopping, and accepted a high tea as her only payment.
If we are to be sensible and stop driving when we no longer feel safe, we ought to have reasonable public transport. I know a lot of you in rural areas have car services for these situations- we do in theory, but they are based so far away, that they are not always available. Also, they don't in principle go to either the train station or hospital that I needed them to.

I know exactly how you feel. You poor thing. The same has happened to me . I had a series of very serious hip operations, 7 in total. I used to think nothing of getting in the car ,doing my shopping, driving into town and looking round the shops. Now I'm stuck. Terrified to drive on my own and yet I need my independence. My husband is very good but I want to be independent. You need to find a good,experienced driving instructor, the mature ones are so used to this situation, they must encounter this all the time. Women ( and men) who have had a trauma, operations, break downs, and bereavement that have left them with no confidence. Look up well established driving instructors, explain the situation and after a lesson or two you will find you will get back into the swing of things ,a new confident woman." I can do it, I'm going to do it" good luck.

PS with regards to sun shine, I have some dark coloured prescription glasses for driving. I also have a Chinese workers sun hat with a large front brim which I look on google to find that would be a golf sunhat in the UK. I also find this hat good at night as it prevents the street lights and some oncoming cars dazzling me with their rays.

Well done LRavenscroft for biting the bullet and getting back in the driving seat. I really need to drive as they have severely cut the bus timetable in our area and I love to go to choirs and singing sessions in local towns. Although I don’t like driving at night due to glare from other car headlights I have solved the problem by getting new glasses with anti-glare Zeiss lenses in. They are a game changer. I have also changed my car for an automatic model, problem is although it is the same make and model as my last car it is one 2 inches wider and feels much bigger. I could park easily before but now find it wonky when I park even though I use the reversing camera. I’ll have to learn to use the park assist. If I am going to a new place or town I check the route on Google Earth and ‘drive’ the last part of the journey to the car park on the computer. My husband has dementia and has given up driving but still likes to give ‘helpful’ tips from the passenger seat and cannot read a map so I feel more confident if I have studied the route thoroughly.

I think it's important to keep going as long as you can. I don't worry about motorways, as no-one can hassle you from behind. They can always overtake in another lane, whereas on other roads they seem to press you to exceed the speed limit. I have done two speed awareness courses (36 mph in a 30 mile area!) and now try hard to keep within the limit - very difficult with all the new 20 mile limits. We don't have a bus now, so I would have to rely on taxis which reduces independence. Good idea to have a few lessons.

I had the same problem with cataracts. I initially stopped driving because I felt that I wasn’t safe to drive. My cataracts took four years to have done, needed both seen to and I had lost all confidence in my ability. However, despite my husband saying you had better start driving again as you don’t know when you will need to, I was very reluctant. Fast forward to November last year, we were shopping together and my husband went giddy, feeling faint and he was perspiring like mad. The shop was very good, got him back to the car and I finished shopping. I then had to drive home some eight miles in heavy traffic. A nightmare however I am now driving without hesitation. I did need to build my confidence but drove locally every week and am now quite happy to drive. My advice, know where you are going and practice at different times of the day, as traffic can be difficult when stop starting and clutch control (if a manual car). Best of luck and I hope you get there as a car is a Godsend.

I do understand as I am in a similar position and I’m only in my early 70s! When I was young I worked in car hire and drove everything; cars, vans, luxury cars and never gave it a moments thought. I think my big problem is that I have worked from home for more than 15 years (it’s our own small business) so didn’t drive much but used to drive the terrifying M62 monthly to visit my daughter and grandchildren so kept my hand in. As they now live in Spain that no longer happens, one son lives round the corner and the other only about 20 mins away.
We also got our first brand new car ever - one my husband had longed for and deserved to be honest but add not driving often to being terrified of doing any damage to his pride and joy. We are now coming to the end of a second lease and have been looking round for a new one, a plug in hybrid - and they’re all huge, honestly, with all sorts of functions I doubt you need. I do still drive to local supermarkets etc but only places I know, the idea of having to watch the sat nav, negotiate roundabouts trying to get in the right lane in time brings me out in a cold sweat. I have become ‘that’ woman and I truly never thought I would.
Also as they live in rural Spain to visit means hiring a car and I definitely can not cope with driving on the wrong side of the road, my husband bless him will, although a little nervous at times - but I do wonder when it will be too much for him too?

I sympathise very much with you. Ask around for a driving school that has a teacher who specialises in older folk whose nerves are a bit frayed when driving. I think it needs someone who is experienced in that.
All the very best.

I agree for all, about taking driving lessons. Yes they are busy, but many can fit in a couple of lessons as opposed to someone learning from scratch and needing to pass the test.

I hadn't driven on motorways since 2005.
Early last year, faced with desperately needing to get away from my abusive husband to go stay with family (we are divorced now)

I just got in the car and drove up from S Yorks to Co Durham on the motorways. Just like that.

and found it easier than driving in some parts of town!

Mind you, this is not having to face nightmares like the M25 - I choose a quiet time, and the motorways north certainly of Leeds are relatively quiet.

The other factor that helped was having a decent car - it was a second hand Volvo V40 - felt safe, and fast enough to pull quickly out of clumps of traffic. It genuinely did give me confidence after an old rattling VW Fox.

Join an Advanced Motoring group, it helped me enormously.

My husband lost his license recently -at 75- after driving since 17 ! He had bad sight -He was the main drive, an now its ALL down to me, and although I passed first time at 22 yrs old ( 73 now) I too had relied him and lost confidence! We live in Spain now, and Im ok most of the time, but as Karmalady said, its the "end journey" parking , new destinations etc that worry me, an YES, he is a nightmare passenger, talking me through every journey with criticism -some justified, as he makes me nervous But I will keep on keeping on! I'm the main one to get us to hospital/Doc appointments, visits to family, friends etc, and if I cant do it, we are ****!!

I love driving but after 8 years of cancer treatments it’s left me feeling a bit nervous. Since my husband retired last year he has done most of the driving.
I force myself to go places on my own but always look up car parks in strange towns and program the sat nav to get me there. It takes the pressure off trying to look for parking spaces whilst driving.
Good luck with your driving, well done for taking the plunge and doing the shopping 🛍️ LRavenscroft xx

Just to add - Friends and family who come over to see us in Spain are nervous about driving here, and although they are brilliant drivers in London, Scotland etc-they praise ME for being able to drive here !!

That reminds me - I have to get a satnav and stop being scared I wont master the technology! Thinking of going to Halfords for help/advice even if it costs a bit more. tho I do the motorway,

I'm useless getting to strange places even in my own town and I like to park close as confidence very short in strange places and its inhibiting me..

My family keep telling me all the things I can do on the mobile but I want a nice screen et al.

I am in the same position, I was only told last month, by the optician that both eyes were bad, and she referred me straight away to the local hospital ophthalmologist for cataract surgery. She advised long distance glasses, which I am quite happy with now, for driving and TV, and told me not to drive long distance. So I only drive locally but it does knock your confidence a bit. I am a carer and do most of the food shopping for myself and family and my sister who is disabled, so the sooner I can get them done the better. I was laid up last year, on crutches and in terrible pain by osteoarthritis in my hip, I ended up having to go private to get that sorted! So not too happy about now having cataracts! But at least it is fixable!

I have a sat nav for driving instructions, however, I always Google the street scene of my destination so I can suss out where to park and exactly where the address is. Saves getting flustered when there is traffic behind you.

That is exactly what i would have said. Try to book a few lessons to get your confidence back. Good Luck.

I would definately book some refresher lessons.

Though, after decades of driving a manual car, the last few weeks I have been driving a new automatic and it is honestly life changing. So if you could afford to swap to an automatic I would do that. Sometimes it's like sitting in an armchair!

• Slow but sure, every day a little further.
• Practice driving during slower times, not rush hours.
• Make sure you have the latest upgrade to your eyeglass prescription.
• Always use your sunglasses on bright (even cloudy bright) days, sun glare is very harsh.
• Advance yourself to higher speed roads to gain confidence.
• Once out on the highway keep up speed so as not to impair the flow of traffic.
• Stay in the slower commuter lane.
• It will all come back to you and you’ll be fine.

I’ve had SIX eye surgeries (cataract, glaucoma, etc) and have 20/20 vision with my glasses. My surgeries have NOT impaired my driving - if anything, nothing will keep me from driving… Lord willing.
USA Gundy

So many of these messages ring true for me. DH has always done all the driving and now I'm widowed I'm finding it a real problem. I'm very nervous once I get into the car, really dread if I have to have any passengers and struggle with parking. Also find nowadays so many other things on my mind that I lose concentration very easily and so worry about whether I'm safe to drive or not. Have been trying to pluck up courage for some lessons lately but not managed it yet.

It is a shame that us ladies often ‘give in’ and let our DH drive and then lose our confidence. I can also understand that having treatment for Cataracts would also cause you to lose your confidence. I had a Hip Operation 6 months ago and it took a lot of will power for me to drive again. My DH now has his legs bandaged up because of painful a Leg Ulcers so I have to drive as there are no buses in our rural area. So my ‘mojo’ has returned and I really enjoy driving again! I am in my late 70s and hope that I can continue to drive as long as I am able.

I had surgically implanted lenses and took my advanced driving test, must better and certainly better for other Road users!

Well done RavenscroftL. You knew you could do it, just needed encouragement. A couple of sessions out with someone you trust or an instructor should boost you even more I'd guess. Different view on life now.

For me it is driving back in the UK in a larger car after years in France. Parking on the street in London, after years of having a garage is a challenge. Keep telling myself that I can do it!