Do some of you share this thought about the future?

My greatest fear is losing my health and independence. There is always the lurking fear of cancers which run in my family and the spectre of dementia from which my father died and the total devastation that causes both to the individual and the family. I try to keep myself well and reasonably fit, being aware of the markers that can lead to vascular dementia and which certainly were there in my father but were ignored by him as well as by the medics. I was diagnosed with aortic stenosis some years ago and have ongoing bowel and stomach problems. I do my best to deal with them but sometimes I do feel overwhelmed, particularly as I am on my own now after a traumatic divorce and don’t want to burden my children with my fears. I WILL keep on keeping on though and try to smile while I’m doing it! There! feel better for writing this!

So glad that I've recently returned to Gransnet. What a bunch of lovely messages on this poignant thread - very helpful to some of my sisters (large family!) who have gone through the above sad times. Desperately unhappy siblings.

Thanks and good luck and happier times to today's contributors.

The thought of losing my husband often haunts me. I wake up in the morning so glad to hear him breathing next to me. Old age has taken us in different ways, I have to keep my eye on him as his memory is poor and he can be too focused but my physical health is not good, and he takes all the bending and lifting off me. I can absolutely rely on him when I ask "... can you help me?" We have been married 57 years and cannot imagine life without him, he is such a good friend!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Having been made a widow at 38 yrs old and left with two small children just days before Christmas, plus other close family losses I always feel prepared for the worst but remind myself to enjoy the best of life. I feel I can cope with most things now as long as they don’t happen to my children or DGCh.

Like other GNs here, I'm thankful for so many things. As regards widowhood, yes I have thought about it. I've told Mr 1968 that I hope to outlive him - simply because I think I'd cope better in widowhood than he would... Although I know I'd be beside myself with grief.

I am thankful for my lovely warm home in the midst of the most beautiful countryside in the world. I am thankful for so many lovely friends. I am thankful for my wonderful family who are always there for me. I am thankful for music - for all the singing I am involved in. I am thankful to have purposeful roles in my community.

I am sad that I lost my OH 2 years ago, but that does not mean there is nothing left to be thankful for.

I agree with the OP. Looking back I am very grateful for having spent the whole of my adult life as half of a couple (since I was 14 and he was 18).

I realise just how interdependent we have become and dread having to cope on my own.

We are not joined at the hip. We each have our own interests but we are so used to being there for each other.

I don't take it for granted - we do seem to be going to quite a lot of funerals these days and at some time we (or most likely I) will have to manage life on our own.

It is helpful to see the posts of GNetters who have passed through this dreadful part of their lives - this vale of tears- - and emerged at the other side able to cope.

My husband is 20 years older. He is in fairly good health but I still wonder if we are living on borrowed time. He's my second husband and the love of my life. Just trying to make the most of our time together. I dread a life without him.

My parents died in their early 60's, 19 days apart. I was apprehensive about reaching and passing the 2 dates but I am now 79.

I am well past 3 score years +10.

I am very much on my own with no relatives.

Gramaretto 💐

I'm single now grieving for a marriage that went wrong (abuse) but there was Love there and its the everyday things I miss.

But in terms of fears I wasn't aware of what they really were until my very disabled granddaughter got really ill - unexpectedly as she doesn't have breathing problems at all - during Covid for a week.

I remember crying to myself, "take me, instead, it's not right". so I guess I found out.

I remind myself to be grateful for
meeting my DH when I was 16, he was 19. We married when I was 19 and he was 22. We have celebrated our 61st wedding anniversary. Had three wonderful children from whom came 7 grandchildren and 4 great grandchildren.
He has been my rock through recent ill health, (having never thought I would succumb).
What more can I say,

Both DH parents outlived him. I would hate to lose a child, ever. It's the wrong order.
They are what keep me going.

It's a constant worry for me , I'm 58 and hubbie is 56. He took early retirement this year due to having a final salary pension. We've only been married 12 years , second marriage for both with adult children . Hubbie is a heavy smoker, has been for 40 years ,he drinks beer every night. He's overweight. His smokers cough is dreadful, keeps us both awake at night , he refusing to talk about it , or see a doctor. So I feel like I'm living with a ticking time bomb

We'll Yammy my own mother died at 58 when I was 23. My youngest sister was only 14 at the time. I assumed I would do the same. However my mother had 7 children and a terrible life. Things are easier these days I think.

Grammaretto I would have yowled never mind filling up.My mum always said it was the daft little things that set her off like his favourite T.V.programme or his friends coming to see how she was.

Kate1949

Yammy My husband's parents both died in their 50s. His mum was 52 and his dad was 57. He's still here at 76 despite a few blips. He was dreading getting to 50 as he thought 'This is it'. It wasn't.

Thanks, Kate 1949, for the reassurance. I think my DH heaved a sigh of relief when he got into his 60s in fact we both did. His father did not have a long illness and we all got such a shock. Mine, on the other hand, was 69 but had been ill for years I think in a way my mum was relieved it was all over for him, constant heart surgery, kidney failure etc. I can feel how your husband would worry until he passed his 50's.
Both our mothers lived into their 80s and my aunt well into her 90's.
To hear people on Gansnet say how they have had to cope is reassuring and if it comes to it I hope I will as well. It's the one-liners I would miss.

Grammaretto

Yammy My husband's parents both died in their 50s. His mum was 52 and his dad was 57. He's still here at 76 despite a few blips. He was dreading getting to 50 as he thought 'This is it'. It wasn't.

It's just coming up to the 2nd anniversary of DH death so I am very aware of my new status
We did know it was coming but you can not know until it happens how you will be.

I have actually surprised myself that I manage to function.
I have a busy life (too busy) but I miss him in such unexpected ways.
I was at a book launch today and as I was asking the author to sign my copy, he asked if there was someone he should dedicate it to.

The tears welled up.

My worries, if asked are the "ordinary" ones outlined by everyone above.

On a sillier note I do sometimes worry about all the stuff I have - mainly the things (still in boxes) from my mother and father. It worries me (in a low key way) as I don't want my family to have to worry about it should I suddenly die!

I regularly feel I should be "dealing with it" and wish I could just set a month aside to get it done.

Like others, I am truly blessed that I still have a Mr Spaghetti - and further blessed that I still love him. It has been a good marriage so far and I think we have been extremely lucky as we were very young.

I've been single for years now and have got used to it. I dread becoming a nuisance to my sons. And dementia.
I feel so sorry for the happily married who lose their partner after a lifetime together.

I worry about losing DH though he is much fitter than me his father died at 57. He does most of the driving, we have been together through thick and thin on and of since our teens.
I would miss our arguments which are daily and his one-liners that always make me laugh though not always others.
I don't worry about dementia for myself hopefully I will not know but I do for the impact it will have on the family, and I don't want DH putting me on the toilet or into the shower.
Maybe I have a bit of growing up to do, I hope I will when and if I have to.

Did I dread widowhood? No, TBH I didn’t give it much thought even though Paw had been living on borrowed time since 1997. We took each day as it came -some good, some bad, some worse.
I had no concept of what it would be like either (note-it ain’t good) but I think what I dread more than anything is seeing the same thing happen to any of my daughters, or to see my DGC lose either parent.
I am also wary of what the future might hold if I am either mentally or physically able to manage on my own, but worrying won’t prevent those happening if they are going to.
So what am I grateful for? That I can look back to (most of ) my 74 years without regret, but very conscious of all I took for granted.