Dog friendly? What would you do?

As RichmondPark has said It's not about dogs. It's about friendship and I would add that it's not about others ensuring that the OP's needs are met, it is about friendship and some of the group are people that GrannyRose knows well.

GrannyRose15

Glorianny

It is actually quite difficult to say to a dog owner "I don't want/can't stand your dog" . So perhaps the group have tried dropping hints before and just been ignored. This time they chose to eat where the dog couldn't go. The message is clear. The dog isn't wanted.

You have no justification for that statement at all. Nothing I have told you could possibly lead you to that conclusion.

So why do you think they went to eat in the dog free area? The fact that you still can't even consider they might have been sending you a message actually supports my theory. But I am interested to know why you think they did it.

Unless I have missed something, nothing had been said about not bringing the dog on the walk. If she had been made aware that the group intended to eat somewhere which didn't allow dogs or that the intention was to eat in an area where dogs were not allowed then she'd have been able to make a choice about bringing her dog and not staying for lunch orleaving the dog at home. There may have been a miscommunication in the OP's case but in my world, friends look after each other, I just would never have left someone out and I honestly don't think any of my friends would either.

Fleurpepper

Lathyrus

Actually thinking about the crutches when my husband was in a wheelchair there were times when we couldn’t go to some things because it wasn’t wheelchair friendly.

We never expected our friends to not go just because we couldn’t.

There are alternatives, surely. If you have friends who have mobility issues, you do everything to include them and not make that disability even worse because friends can't be bothered to support. Yes, there will be a couple of things were this will not work, fair enough.

Well actually we wanted them to go to things they wanted to go and enjoy themselves. Family and friends.

I can’t accept the attitude of I’m the one person whose wants count and all the rest of you should put what you would enjoy to one side and do the thing that only I will enjoy.

And I’m very upset that you wouldn’t do that and I’m not going to be your friend any more!

Tbh, as a dog owner, I would have discussed with the group that I would like to bring my dog with me and see how they felt about it including the pub lunch. Taking dogs into an eating area can be difficult as we have often found out, and I would have accepted that if this was the case, then I would have had to eat separately or not take her with me. I don't think you can expect people to have to eat where they don't want to simply because you can't or won't leave your dog at home or accept that you may have to sit somewhere else.

I used to go walking with a couple of friends and one would always bring her dog. We had to sit outside every time, even in freezing cold weather and boiling hot weather because she brought her dog with her. She never even considered anyone but herself and we just fell on with what she wanted rather than be unfriendly. That’s the other side of the coin. I no longer go walking with her.

I agree with Smileless2012 and RichmondPark it is about friendship. GrannyRose's friends did not behave as friends should have done. They knew she had a dog, it was a countryside walk, They were at a dog friendly cafe.. why not then eat with her and her dog. Why exclude her? That is not being a good friend in my book.

ParlorGames

RichmondPark1

It's not about dogs. It's about friendship.

Exactly!
Who wouldn't expect a dog owner to take their dog on a 'long countryside walk with a group of friends'? Someone must have known the restaurants regulations on dogs from the outset surely, but chose not to say anything - rather unkind in my opinion.
I am not a dog owner but I can see this from the OP point of view and seemingly that of many others contributors.
I certainly would not expect my friends to leave their dogs tied up outside a restaurant nor would I expect them to be alone during the meal.
Had I been with this group I would have opted to sit in the dog friendly area with the dog owner and stuff the rest of the party because they are not worthy of anyones friendship.

Yes, the OP knew about the restaurant regulations and chose to take her dog and assume that everybody else would sit in the Conservatory with her.

Was that kind and thoughtful towards her friends?

I agree with you Maya. Even if the dog is taken into consideration next time, what they did was actually pretty cruel . As adults if they didn't want the Gran to take her dog, why not be an adult and just say so?

Yes nanna8 . It's the assumption by some dog owners - a 'this is my dog, he's coming whatever you think' attitude. It drives me mad. However, me being me, I would have at with the friend.

JaneJudge

I agree with you Maya. Even if the dog is taken into consideration next time, what they did was actually pretty cruel . As adults if they didn't want the Gran to take her dog, why not be an adult and just say so?

As far as we can tell they accepted without comment of any kind that the OP had brought her dog on the walk.

What they didn’t want (*everybody else*) was to eat in the dog friendly conservatory. They didn’t want to.

So not only would they have a meal in a place they didn’t like to be in but they would have had to pay to do it.

I would demand that of my friends.
Where’s the consideration of friendship on the OPs side?

I wouldn’t demand that of my friends

I wouldn’t put them in that position in the first p,ace.

I think most of us understand that is how you feel Lathyrus as you have been pretty clear It doesn't mean in all these scenarios they couldn't have spoken to her beforehand if they didn't want the dog there or that they would be eating in the restaurant. They are all adults capable of communication. There is no need to be cruel and hurtful to people (even if you don't like them)

It sounds like a lack of communication in the first place.

ParlorGames

RichmondPark1

It's not about dogs. It's about friendship.

Exactly!
Who wouldn't expect a dog owner to take their dog on a 'long countryside walk with a group of friends'? Someone must have known the restaurants regulations on dogs from the outset surely, but chose not to say anything - rather unkind in my opinion.
I am not a dog owner but I can see this from the OP point of view and seemingly that of many others contributors.
I certainly would not expect my friends to leave their dogs tied up outside a restaurant nor would I expect them to be alone during the meal.
Had I been with this group I would have opted to sit in the dog friendly area with the dog owner and stuff the rest of the party because they are not worthy of anyones friendship.

Of course you would because you are kind and considerate and have good manners.
These so called friends are all lacking in basic good manners and are all very selfish and didn’t consider what GrannyRosie15 was going to do nor did they care what she was going to do. They all knew that she couldn’t eat in the restaurant because of the dog.
It’s not as if they didn’t have a choice of where they could all be together. This is not how you treat a friend. It was very unkind.

Could GrannyRose elaborate a little? Many of us are making suppositions but what are the “facts” (more or less)? Did most people know the dog would be going on the walk? Were there any issues with him/her on the walk? Surely they didn’t all swan off to the restaurant without some conversation with the OP?

Did everyone know the dog would be going on the walk and also to the meal?

Did they others once they got to the pub just head in to the restaurant and settle down there?
Was there any proper discussion about where to sit?
Or was it the case of one person headed in and others followed?

GrannyRose?

I still want to know if there were any more dogs on the walk, or was he/she the only one?

To me, that makes a difference.

Seems to me he/she was the only one, which is quite telling.

Yes I agree, was this the only dog or were there others? Mind you, if there were others, then presumably their owners would have been able to sit together, whilst others sat where they felt comfortable, so no hassle?!

Good points Calendargirl and Jabberwock.

Our dog is as much a member of the family as any other, but to be perfectly honest, we have very rarely taken him with us to any eating establishments, even dog friendly ones, the rare exceptions being if we were on holiday with our dog and couldn't leave him. Our dogs have always been very well behaved and no trouble, but I wouldn't choose to take them with us if we were eating out as a matter of course. Under these particular circumstances, however, if I'd been invited out on a countryside walk and knew we were going to be eating at a place which was dog friendly, then yes, I'd probably have taken him with me. A walk without a dog isn't really a walk for me. And if my friends didn't want him there, well then, they're no friends of mine.

Nightsky2

ParlorGames

RichmondPark1

It's not about dogs. It's about friendship.

Exactly!
Who wouldn't expect a dog owner to take their dog on a 'long countryside walk with a group of friends'? Someone must have known the restaurants regulations on dogs from the outset surely, but chose not to say anything - rather unkind in my opinion.
I am not a dog owner but I can see this from the OP point of view and seemingly that of many others contributors.
I certainly would not expect my friends to leave their dogs tied up outside a restaurant nor would I expect them to be alone during the meal.
Had I been with this group I would have opted to sit in the dog friendly area with the dog owner and stuff the rest of the party because they are not worthy of anyones friendship.

Of course you would because you are kind and considerate and have good manners.
These so called friends are all lacking in basic good manners and are all very selfish and didn’t consider what GrannyRosie15 was going to do nor did they care what she was going to do. They all knew that she couldn’t eat in the restaurant because of the dog.
It’s not as if they didn’t have a choice of where they could all be together. This is not how you treat a friend. It was very unkind.

You only have the story from the dog owners point of view. The dog could have been a menace on the walk and the others could have been fed up with it. Hints might have been dropped about the dog not coming along. Some of the people she knew well so perhaps they would have expected the dog, others she didn't and perhaps they were surprised to see it. Does an invitation to a country walk have to include someone's dog? Perhaps they had already discussed where they would eat and agreed the inside dog free area. It does seem strange that all opted for that area without any discussion. Usually if a group are going to eat somewhere they talk about it as they walk.

Right decision to come home. What strange behaviour from your friends