feeling Alone - don't comment if you feel I'm needy!

I think many people get that feeling sometimes. I am mostly fine on my own but find some
Sundays difficult as do some friends. We don't live near each other so can't visit.
I don't think it means you are needy it's just that at times you can feel a lack in your life.

yes AGAA4, what is it about the 'Sundays' .I personally think it's to do with a perhaps not a family tradition anymore .. as Sunday was a 'Family Day' when it was the norm of visiting the older members of the family..of course this was before weekend working for lots of people...and remember vividly visiting my elderly auntie once a month when she was a Nun!

Bea65 you feel whatever you feel. It’s absolutely the place to share your thoughts on your feelings but just be aware that some of the opinions expressed will be coming from those who have an *axe to grind*of the “howd’ya think I feel”/“ try being me” etc etc etc variety……
They in turn are probably just expressing how they feel lonely without actually saying it even to themselves.
I’m sure you are familiar with the old chestnut - that you can be alone without feeling lonely and visa versa.
So what if you are needy anyway ? The term has horrible connotations attached but it just means you need company it’s quite human.
I empathise totally about feeling invisible.

It would seem that Knitting Novice on the other thread introduced a very common problem and should give herself a pat on the back for being so honest. So many people speaking out can only be helpfull

Yes Knitting Novice triggered these thoughts.. have actually worried about posting on threads..sounds ridiculous but when ur alone, without validation, how can u feel confident about airing true feelings and thoughts?

Bea try to forget Sunday is Sunday and it is just another day of the week. It took me years to get over the "Sunday" feeling and I have managed it, my brain helping by not always sure which day it actually is!

I agree, most of us associate Sunday with a family lunch and a few people around and when one is on one's own and maybe having cheese on toast it is rather different.

I think of sunday as a day when I dont do business, sleep in late and sort of kick back to the extent that I want to. Unusually for me I felt really unwell and miserable yesterday (sunday). Spent most of it in bed.

Ive suffered with clinical depression on and off for as long as I can remember and what OP describes to me (feeling empty and invisible) sounds like depression rather than being "needy". Depression is a very real medical condition.

That Sunday feeling is hard to throw off.
In our town there is a regular film show on a Sunday evening in the town hall.
It's run by volunteers and is popular for those of us who live alone.
It's an undemanding space. At the interval we can chat to anyone about the movie over tea and cake.

I’ve been thinking about this.
We have had our daughter and her children living with us for a couple of years, we still have one child here.
I had craved time alone so much, delighted in them going out for the day.
But now we’re down to one, I realise it’s going to be strange, and if I was literally on my own, if something happened to my husband, I would find it very hard.
I’m the type of person who would always say ‘I’m fine Thankyou’ whatever was going on, so without my husband to moan to, I think I would be very lonely, and struggle to find a purpose.
So I think you are all doing great, no shame in feeling lonely, keep coming here and talking.

This is a useful article on loneliness from Mind, and some tips on coping with feeling lonely -

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/about-loneliness/

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/loneliness/tips-to-manage-loneliness/#TryPeerSupport

Its a very, very good web link, very detailed, and the "tips" are good too.

What people have said above - the power of opening up to someone who understands, is so important.

Or if not understand, ACCEPT - unconditionally.

I can't pass this thread without commenting on you instruction to not comment if we think you are being needy. Gn doesn't work like that I'm afraid and people are entitled to comment on anything.

Needing someone to chat with and needing people to socialise with is not being needy it is quite normal.

Isn’t everyone ‘needy’, one way or another? No man is an island …

For years Sunday always felt existentially dull. mainly because, the opposite of the OP. Sunday was my parents day to relax and have time on their own. As soon as lunch was over we, children were sent to our bedrooms or into the garden to play and had to stay there for 2 hours, while my parents relaxed together in the living room with the Sunday Times crossword and the dictionary. So Sunday came with a dull cloud.

Having spent a lot of Sundays alone or with small children. decided to fight the feeling by Making Sunday Special.

It means a really nice meal at lunch time properly cooked and served and usually an afternoon tea type evening meal, and then, with the children, we would go out somewhere, not necessarily anywhere expensive, visit a local beauty spot, go for a walk together, occasionally go somewhere further afield.
These days, I send few Sundays alone, but I had them regularly when DH was working so I set Sunday aside for devoting a long period to my sewing, I had sew Sundays.

They have now become a regular Sundayevent, if we are home and nothing else is getting in my way, on Sunday aftenoon I disappear upstairs to my sewing room and potter among my stash, work on the current projec.t

I was told once by a professional to focus on what interests me, my passions and go for those as your first port of call. Use them as your guide during darker times and have ownership of them. They said everything has meaning. You just need to connect with what has meaning for you. i.e. craft, hobby, books, gardening whatever and go enjoy.

I always loved Sundays and all the things I would do with my children on that day - certain rituals like roast dinner, then for tea home-made rolls fresh from the oven and a newly made sponge cake all eaten sitting round the fire or in the garden.

So ..... Sundays are very different now that I am on my own. If it is good weather I walk/limp up to the common; and if it is wet I read or paint. Either way I look forward to 5.30 on Radio 3 when Words and Music comes on - love that programme.

Sometimes I feel alone - that is OK; and sometimes I feel lonely - that is not.

I can feel very lonely when I am with people because I am listening to them talking about all the things they plan to do together and watching them hug/touch hands/smile at each other - I feel totally excluded from that aspect of life - the comradeship, the passing intimacies. And I can feel less lonely when I am home on my own, as it is what it is and there is nothing in my face to compare it with.

It is a bugger - I am living a life that I did not choose and every day is a challenge to face up to. But I am doing it.

I couldn't pass without saying that the more people talk about this, the better it will be. We know better than to tell people who are depressed to get over themselves and I don't really understand why it appears acceptable to tell lonely people they are needy.
I think I felt lonely when I felt that I didn't fit in anywhere. I have found my niche at the moment at home which is great but I still find it harder in other places. So, it will be all very well telling me that I should find something to do when I feel lonely but some times that would make it worse if I did.
I think there is a fine line between loneliness and depression but I don't think all loneliness is depression. And I don't know about anybody else but I can look ok on the outside but my insides tell me a very different story.

Sometimes thinking about the happier times & the fact that you can never get those moments back can triggers feelings of loneliness. Keeping busy is definitely the key but then you can’t always do that 24/7.

Meant to add perfectly summed up by Luckygirl3 that is just how I feel.

I was thinking one of the things I hated most about Covid was we were not allowed to hug one another here (dictatorship government at that time) . I am a hugger and found it very hard but not nearly as bad for me as it was for those living alone with no physical contact with anyone at all. No wonder pet ownership went off the scale!

I still love sundays, I feel that special vibe from long ago and I try to eat something nice and listen to nice things on my radio or to nothing as I like silence too. If the weather is nice enough for a cycle ride in nature, even better for my psyche

Like others it is not my choice to be alone but it is up to me, in my one life, to do something that is uplifting, even getting through the day in a relaxed mood is a nice outcome. To do anything that gives me that inner zing is a good outcome. I could sit and make myself feel needy but no way, it is not in my nature

It's odd but Sunday is my favourite day of the week, after a very busy MH nursing career I always found it to be the day when I could really relax...and now retired I suppose I still associate with those memories... but I can really empathise with others who have bouts of loneliness, that can hit anytime and is a period of sadness which thankfully lifts if I sit with it,

oh I love this thread, thankyou Bea 65 and all who posted.

since covid, I have changed, my dh died just before covid, ie. in the November.. so many things, all at once, I think.

I also believe the lockups (! yes we were locked up!) did irreparable damage to me, me included. I try to understand me,,, my "feelings" are all over the place, up and down,

I get out amongst people/friends (what is a friend?) and when I leave a small gathering of people I know, having had a laugh and chat,, my feelings/mood plummets.

I can wake up good, or the opposite, then within an hour or so, no apparent reason, I go down.. I have set boundaries round myself, things I can`t do...

I do not understand,, and yes, get these feelings of loneliness. It is soooo good to talk, share... it certainly helps me to hear that it is not just me feeling like this!

so thank you all... Let me know when anyone has found the solution, meanwhile, we plod on.