Talking about Grief..

Some of us believe in an afterlife & use the phrase ‘passed over’ to refer to them passing into another life. Why should we stop saying it?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but hasn’t passed away meaning died been in regular use for years? I don’t particularly like the singular word passed but I would never contradict anyone for using it, that would be rude and uncaring. People spoke to me about my mum saying she passed and although I prefer died, I would never draw attention to what they had said. I’ve just expressed my opinion on this site, which is what we’re all doing.

Grief is a very personal thing and I truly believe that mourning is done in the heart, not in the garments. A funeral is simply a show for the rest of the world. I saw my grandmother in an open coffin in the chapel of rest to say goodbye. I would like to have not actually attended her funeral but I was still susceptible to family pressure back in the 1970s. However I did not go to the wake. I took the morning off and then went in to work! My grandmother would have understood that because she was an immensely practical woman. The rest of the family did not.

Earlier in the week when I had told my boss that my grandmother was being buried on X day and I would be taking the morning off he made a snitty remark about "How many grandmothers is this you have buried?" I walked out of the office and did not speak to him all the next day. I left a strongly worded note telling him how hurt I was by his tasteless remark.

The day of the funeral I came in to work dressing in an all black outfit and waited for the boss to apologise. Not only did he fail to do that, he reminded me I had to make up the time ot take it without pay. I was so angry I stayed off next day, rang his boss, and initiated a formal grievance. The big boss told me to take the rest of the week off with pay and to let him know if I needed more time. I later learned from his secretary that he gave my boss a right rollocking for his "callous and unprofessional remarks". I also asked for a transfer on personal grounds. For the remainder of the time I worked with my boss I refused to speak to him except on strictly business related matters and resisted all attempts at social chat. He never did apologise.

I expect i tool my grief out on my boss.

I prefer the term ' died' However I recognize that other people find that hard to say , ' passed away ' seems more gentle. It really is of no importance which phrase is used as everyone is in no doubt what is meant. Each to their own !

My darling daughter died nearly 5 years ago, I don’t say she
passed away, but find saying she is dead causes me distress

The issue has to be a matter of belief in an after life. If you believe in one, then using ‘passed’ is fine because it’s really short for ‘passed on’ and that has to be …… to somewhere. If you don’t, then it’s meaningless. The word ‘died’ rarely appears in local newspaper death announcements now. We’ll be going back to avoiding the word ‘pregnant’ next (expecting the pitter patter of tiny footsteps etc).
As someone interested in language and how it evolves, I rather enjoy euphemisms. But not this one!
My late mother, an atheist, always (for a laugh) referred to when she was ‘gathered’!

I prefer to say died, but can understand that anything which helps people to soften grief, then so be it. It's harmless.

Yes saying Died feels more heavy on the heart and having experienced early loss -my father @54 and my younger brother also @54..we say passed or taken too soon..no-one ever discussed my father or even mentioned him passing..i was just 16...have always felt very isolated and not wishing to upset anyone, never had a conversation about it..my mother was very stoic almost cold and took me a long time as an adult to realise she was keeping her emotions intact for my young brother and I -even in her last days, she told me death is a part of life and she couldn't wait to walk in God's garden..
Thank you for all your comments-my sincere condolences to you all especially to you if you've lost someone recently know its a painful time and the heart is heavy

My grandmother always used to say "passed away" or "passed on". She also used the expression "buried" as in "I buried my husband last week."

biglouis have just read your comment about the drawing of curtains when someone died...as a family we did this upstairs and down..never thought how this custom came about and when it 'died' out...

Bea65 Death is heavy on the heart, but my heart would pefer to bear the full weight and not diminish it.

I noted that during the service at St George’s today they used the term ‘departed’ rather than died. I guess that intimates departing on a journey to God?

Or simply departing life.