Should we tell our granddaughter when our dog is to be PTS?

Definitely tell your granddaughter what ever age she is obviously tell her in terms that are age related but if an animal just disappears or isn’t talked about honestly how can a child ever learn to manage their feelings, these are life lessons that prepare them for bereavement which no one escapes at some point
A different thing but when my grandkids Daddy died they were 4 and 6 and on the advice of child bereavement they kissed their daddy goodbye and went to his funeral we were told if they don’t have those final moments they are forever wondering if he ll come back if he’s ok etc etc and the same for the animal She will of course be upset but being upset and getting over it is what makes for stable mental health

We had to have our kitten put down the week after our cat crazy 4 yr old DGD had met her. We told her the kitten had died because she was ill and couldn't walk any more (it was some kind of brain virus). Didn't mention vet's part in this.
She asked sensible questions about death.

Gwyneth

From your post it sounds as if your poor dog is really suffering and clearly has no quality of life. Your vet has advised you that your dog should be ‘put to sleep’. I feel that you should now put the needs of your dog first rather than prolong it’s misery.

this absolutely. Dogs wellbeing comes first. Provided you tell the child gently I don't think before or after matters. In many cases people have had no choice about when children are told.

She sounds like she is mature enough to know. I have never shielded my children from their dogs being PTS and one of them wanted to come to the vets with me the last time this happened. It is incredibly sad but I used to say to mine that it is the kindest thing you can do as an owner and you have responsibility to be with them at the end as they are there for us all the time. You just have to gauge what is appropriate but I think you did the right thing putting it off and speaking to her first

I agree with Gwyneth.

Think of your dog first, who is in a terrible position. Your dog is in pain, this is no quality of life for a while now.
Your gd, if she loves the dog so much, will understand it was for the dog's best interest.

GD does understand, the subject has been discussed many times. She told me she was upset this morning and wanted to know when the vet will ring and give us an appointment. Obviously we already have an appointment next Saturday. I’ll talk to my D tomorrow and see what she thinks should happen now. GD obviously realises that we can’t go on like this for Lottie’s sake. It’s such a shame because we all would just like her to not wake up one day naturally but I think we’ve waited long enough now.

Thanks MawB for the tale of the Rainbow Bridge. I don’t know if it’s too fanciful for our very pragmatic but loving GD.

As I keep repeating, Lottie is NOT IN ANY PAIN!

You mean you have an appointment next Saturday, June 6/12?

Please please please, stop putting your gd first.
Your dog needs you more.
Your gd will understand.

Your gd may not realize how unfair it is to keep the dog in this condition for an extra week.
You should know better - give your dog some peace today.

Even if lottie is not in pain, she is clearly hanging on by a thread, for a long time.

She cannot even do her business by herself! Such a basic need and she is not able to do so herself.

I am a pet mom myself and I have had to make that hard decision myself.
My pet's needs came before my own wants and feelings.

You are putting your feelings first. That's selfish. Poor lottie

Luckylegs

As I keep repeating, Lottie is NOT IN ANY PAIN!

I am sure you would not let by our little dog suffer but if she cannot toilet independently she will be aware of that.from my experience most dogs are quite fastidious, and it always broke my heart when a dog became incontinent . But I imagine you have that under control.
Vets always say that when it is down to age or infirmity you can often tell by the look in a dog’s response when it has had enough - you will know what I mean. Good luck

“Your” little dog - not our !

When my children were about 7 and 9 our dog was very ill. She was old having been in the family long before the children were born, she was there for their entire lives. The vet said the time was coming and one night she took a turn for the worse. I phoned the vet, it was about 11 pm. The vet to meet us at the surgery but she insisted we get the children up and let them say goodbye. She was very experienced, probably in her 50s and she said they would rightly never trust me again if they woke up the next morning and she was gone. She also said don't say she was put to sleep as children can become scared of sleep if they think it means you are gone forever.

I wasn't sure but took her advice and yes we had tears that night but they actually took it well.

It is hard so good luck.

I think you will have to tell your granddaughter, but I'm not sure that I would use the words 'put to sleep'. That might make her scared of going to sleep herself, or of letting other, maybe older or ill people go to sleep either.

If your family is religious you could tell her that he's gone to Heaven, or if not, just that he was very sick and has died. I'm not sure that I would tell her in advance and give her something to worry about - wait until it is over, and tell her what happened, would be my advice.

I'm sorry for your loss, Luckylegs. Losing a pet is very hard. x

Sorry to repeat a lot of your post, worriedwell. I typed half of mine then the phone rang, and I came back to it half written.

So sad to hear about your precious Lottie , you have made the decision and I am sure it is the correct one. As for your 11 year old grandchild I feel she is old enough to be told in the most gentle way exactly what is going to happen and when . If she were younger it would probably be best to tell her Lottie had died in her sleep. At 11 she is capable of understanding and will appreciate being told the truth. Please don't fill her head with ideas of doggy heaven or other fanciful stories, I feel sure she will not appreciate that! You are having a very tough time , thinking if you.

Doodledog

Sorry to repeat a lot of your post, worriedwell. I typed half of mine then the phone rang, and I came back to it half written.

No worries, if it's worth saying it's worth saying twice.

I agree about not saying the dog had gone to sleep. I remember reading years ago that it could make a child scared to go to sleep and one of mine suffered from really bad night terrors.

I'm so sorry, it is so hard to lose a much loved pet .

I think that by trying to be kind to your gd you are really drawing this out though. I understand that the dog is in no pain, but the vet has said she should be put to sleep.

We try our hardest to protect our loved ones but we cannot know if our actions will be helpful or harmful, so I would really try not to overthink this.

I hope your gd is ok in time

I'm so sorry about your little dog...it's utterly heartbreaking.
I grew up with dogs and like your granddaughter, was mature for my age. When I was around 10, our eldest dog was losing the quality of his life and my lovely Dad had to make the decision to 'end things' for him...I adored him (he was a huge German Shepherd and my shadow!). I can still remember my Dad sitting with me and explaining what was wrong with him and what was going to happen and I absolutely believe it was the right thing to do....my Dad asked if I wanted to be with him and I did.
The Vet we had was so kind, he told me to cuddle Major and talk to him and explained that I was giving 'my dog' the last act of love.
Yes, I cried afterwards but learnt so much that day...about love and trust.
Do whatever is right for you all.

Has anyone seen that picture of two dogs with wings sitting next to each other. One says ‘they still talk about us ‘ and the other one replies ‘I know’. I cry every time it pops up on Facebook. They never really leave us, the pets that we’ve loved, do they....

Please consider not saying “put to sleep”. Honesty can be kinder than trying to gild the lily. By introducing the concept with a loved pet is hard, it beats saying “Nana went to sleep”when that day comes.

With my children I always treated the death of a pet in a very matter of fact non emotional way, we had quite a lot over the years. Guinea Pigs and Rabbits we buried in the garden, the children understood that we look after animals as long as we can but they are going to die.
Encouraging children to be over emotional can be a big handicap later, a degree of resilience to accept the loss and move on is a good aim.

I agree with Hithere it really is time to put your dog first as this situation seems have been going on for some time now. Even though you say that your dog is not in pain her quality of life is very poor. Incidentally how do you know she is not in pain? It seems to me that you have had a lot of time to prepare your granddaughter as your dog has been in this situation for some time. You need to put your dog first now. This is cruelty.

Redhead56

We have been in this situation many times we always had two dogs. The most recent my lovely Jack Russell who I adored. Truthfully I would have your dog gently put to sleep. Give it a day or so and tell your GD that it passed in its sleep naturally. It's for the best I agree with your DH.

Exactly that. We have been in that position and totally agree.

Thinking of you all today without your dear old friend.