Why am I socially unacceptable

Meryl Streep it's very petty to consider it manners or anything else when you don't know this lady personally. We all give advice freely but please don't give advice if you expect anything back that isn't free advice! Thanks have a nice day

A time like this can show you just who your friends are. I'm sorry to hear you feel down Quizzer. The quicker we see the end of this horrible virus the better then you can get out and about again. Perhaps the ladies at your groups think you are a quiet, private person? When all this is over you should invite yourself xx

You say you've messaged others but the conversations have been short. Do you ask enough questions in your texts, or (under normal circumstances) when meeting and having real conversations? No need to gush and be OTT, but there's a lot of listening involved when meeting a new group of people, try 20% of chat about you and 80% about them. Then next time you meet try to remember what they were talking about e.g. their family and ask after them. After many moves to different parts of the country I understand it takes a lot of energy to get to know the locals. Your family sound quite normal to me. I think you should read MerylStreep's message as helpful- not as finding fault with you.

Just to add from my previous post, a few older ladies I played golf with once gave me a tip which others might find as helpful as I did. They were all widows. They said to me: say yes to everything in terms of social invitations, try everything :clubs, WI, flower arranging groups, book clubs etc and work out what you like doing and what you don’t. They all found friends with that in mind. I found it inspiring and often think of it.

join the club. not one of my so called friends have called . my next door neighbours have been very good and picked up items that i need...at the moment hes picking up emulsion paint so i can paint the back bedroom. even if i could go shopping i cant carry heavy stuff. i dont hear from my daughter unless its by text..........brother calls or i do... but other friends not a word etc....

Moving is always difficult later in life when friends are established for years. And friendships evolve and take time. It might be a good time for YOU to text/call/email those who’ve you met to see how THEY are.

A lot of what you say resonates with me. I would have said I do have friends but amfinding is always me who is texting or phoning. None of them are checking on me.
Also sympathise with the husband situation and also with why why why.
I don’t get on with my husband and being trapped with him is awful. Usually I have plenty going on outside the house and can escape but now it’s likea prison.
It used to be that no one would phone me in case he answered as he could be very abrupt. Now they can call my mobile.
And while I have sympathy for those who have lost partners and are on their own it does upset me that people think you should be grateful to still have a husband no matter how bad your situation is. Abuse takes many different forms and leaving in your 70s is not always an option.

This enforced lockdown has exposed the cracks in many lives, cracks normally obscured by busyness. No one mentions your husband, the person you share your life with. Perhaps this time of involuntary togetherness would be a good time to explore what is left of your relationship, surely something other than habit has kept you together all these years. Perhaps with a bit of time and patience you may find your best friend already shares your life.

I'm just the same, but tbh I really don't mind.
I suppose that I am a little different as we are (about to retire) Foster Carers, and have been for the last 33 years.
This has meant that I don't really have a social life. Yes, I am a school governor, Methodist Local Preacher and Circuit Safeguarding Officer---so I have plenty to keep me occupied, but no real time to socialise.
When our last little one leaves us, then that will be my time to be myself, especially as we will be moving 200 miles away as soon as the lockdown eases and allows the sale of the house to complete and physical movement can happen.

I appreciate that this is so different, and I suspect that it is the current situation that make life so very strange all round

Ellie Anne I so agree with you about the Think yourself lucky etc comments. Yes, it’s so sad when people lose a soulmate, but being trapped in an unhappy marriage is not something anyone would be grateful for. And to OP I send sympathy for your situation but probably enough advice already given

Me too! I would love to know why I am so off putting, I even think after all these years I might even be able to cope with the answers! Yes it is lonely / sad / horrible even, but you just have to look at the positives, especially if you have family and if you can bear it, keep on being proactive, making the first move. Take care. x

What great advice and caring responses you have had here. I will only add that in some areas people seem more insular and it's harder to make friends. Maybe because it's a community where people haven't moved around much and have a network of long term friends and family. And they just don't understand what newcomers need. So possibly look for friendship slightly wider afield if this is true where you live. But I also wonder if this situation with your other half is pulling you down?

Guess you are not looking for sympathy, but I do feel so sorry for your situation. As others have said, you sound like someone who would be a very good friend and perhaps while we are socially isolating you will be able to think positively about your life. Your family sound very caring. That is the greatest blessing anyone can have, and I certainly value mine above anything or anyone else. I am so sorry you seem to have a difficult relationship with your husband. My late husband was a home bird while I liked to be out and about quite a lot, but despite this we never had any problems with this. I wonder why your husband cannot be more supportive and understanding as I am sure you are of him. Has he always been like this, and have you ever discussed it?
Just one other comment: inviting yourself to coffee mornings, etc to which you have not been invited is the kiss of death for any possible friendships! Better to try doing the inviting yourself.

Thank you Atqui for agreeing with me

I've had an idea.

There will almost certainly be a local (to you) Facebook page. When this is all over, why not post on it saying that your social life was put on hold because of the virus, and you are looking to start doing things again, and maybe suggest some things you like doing, and ask if there is anything local going on.

People are usually good at replying to things like that, and you could find that there is a group for something you enjoy (I don't know - photography, knitting, genealogy or whatever it may be). You needn't worry about looking desperate (not that I think you are!) as the virus really has attacked people's social lives, and I'm certain you won't be alone in looking for new things to do when it's over.

Quizzes, I know exactly where your coming from, my husband isn't a sociable person either, we moved her many years ago, family were little, he kept saying I shouldn't need other friends as I had him, children & his parents as mine were both dead.
We used to get invited out when we first moved but he was so obnoxious to people that we didn't get asked back again, then gradually it all stopped.
I just threw myself into other things, like running, gym, swimming.
I often think I could be dead for all anyone cares.
I envy other people who have happy partners & do things together.
He like yours spends most of his time in the garden or browsing antique shops.
I know how you feel, as I tend to think that most people have made their forever friends, many they knew from school etc.
Tricia.

I think this lock down is even harder for those of us living with someone we are not close to. I can emphasise with much of what you say. It is always me that has to get in touch with others. I don't feel it's because there is anything wrong with me but that I just have not been lucky enough to meet the right people. All we can do after this is join asany things as we can and try to meet a new friend. I feel that those of us who need friends the most seen to have the least. Good luck and there is nothing wrong with you x

I have no advice to offer, but find it upsetting that there are so many sad and lonely people on this thread. Life made even harder, due to the present circumstances.
I hope that once this is all over, you may be able to find peace and happiness.

Quizzer,
We are in strange times.
You could phone people,to check how they are,it may be a 2 minute call but it is a start.
Building fences is hard and may take time and constant effort for a while.
What sort of key worker is your son,if a health worker he should understand about mental wellbeing.
If not there has been a lot of awareness raising about it.Call your children and say you know that they usually call you being busy,but just need to talk to them a little more at this time,and again may be a quick "hello just checking in"
Many people feel as you do.
Your family may think everything is ok ,not realising how you feel.
It may be daunting,but keep calling people,any of your acquaintances,old friends .
Say hello to your neighbour through the fence,if you have one.
Someone said about local Facebook sites-good idea.
I found gransnet by accident and feel that there are friends here.

Quizzer that is very sad
But can I ask are you checking up on anyone ?
I find it works both ways
If you make the effort then often people reciprocate
Try it after the lockdown
Good luck x

I really understand what you are going through. We moved to be nearer our children and have a grandson. They live five minutes away and we hardly see him or our son. I've been lonely and like you I haven't been able to make friends here in particular. My husband doesn't make friends either. I spoke to a counsellor and she suggested I join a church group. Having said that we are all in lockdown.now. I.don't get hardly any phone calls either.

Hi sorry to read your post.
I'm.my own town we have matter shacks open in several cafes and a couple of local pubs at quiet times for people to meet up, these are getting very popular and spreading round the country, hard.to make the first step, but quite often there.is.someone you. Can.ring to meet you. Also our football club runs extra time for the over 50s a weekly club, with board games, chats brews and occasional days out, there are also luncheon.clubs or coffee mornings at several churches, craft groups, local face book group, volunteering. Most of these will have temporarily closed for the lockdown but a few are doing virtual meet ups.
Please.give something a try and let us.know how you get on.
If didn't work I.would have.few friends, but play rounders started at 56 and do the
craft occasional craft course and.volunteer.
If.yiu can't find groups, Google or if struggling go.to the.library and ask when we are out of lockdown.
Try a few different thinks you may enjoy something you have never tried.
Also if your husband doesn't do holidays consider a short choach holiday they usually stay.at hotels with entertainment and.do.day trips..my mum is 76 and does at least one or two a year. good luck
X

No reason.not to.contact local.fb page now they often have photos.od.lovely local.places, and.general good morning.chats, also a.few are doing quizzes.etc to.pass the.time.

You could advertise for someone to play scrabble with you.
But I don't know where one could advertise such a thing.

Scrabble is quite a good conversation starter because it's all about words.