Do we need a Nice Nansnet?

Scentia, I do agree with your point about GN not being a nice place just now. However, sorry to sound so negative, but there will always be people who find it difficult to be kind to posters, try to pick on the vulnerable and sad and target those who do not share their views, that's just human nature. . Establishing a new site won't make any difference, in my opinion.

In saying that, there are many kind and gentle people on GN, so we shouldn't think it's all nasty and negative, as I learned yesterday. Thanks to all you kind people who supported me.

Scentia I just avoid threads the minute they turn nasty, there does seem to be a plethora of them at the moment.

Marydoll

I think we all had replies to some posts that were less than polite to say the least. But on the other hand I'm sure we all had plenty of kind, supportive replies which is what we need when we come on here. So we won't let the negative comments of some people upset us and carry on regardless.

Quite right we shall rise about it and continue to be kind and supportive - that's what I thought Gransnet was all about. As we have said before nothing wrong with a good vigorous debate but it shouldn't become personal.

Yes you are right BlueSky there has been a lot of support on here for people who are going through difficult times. It's not necessary to get involved with threads which turn unpleasant.
Why would we need a site that is totally bland and 'nice'

A few years ago there was a site called GrannyNet. I had a look at it but beat a hasty retreat as it was far too twee. Newbies were shunted off into a kind of, 'Let's see what you're like' thread and you were given something akin to a gold star if you behaved yourself.

Not long after that I noticed it died a death - closed through lack of interest.

If people are nice, they're nice. If they're not they are best avoided. Just like in real life. Personal attacks on Gransnet can be dealt with by reporting them to HQ.

Simples!

Life isn't all 'niceness' and happy stories. It just isn't. Life can be very harsh and demanding and any forum is going to reflect the many facets of personal life, family life and what's going on in the world. Anything else just isn't real.

I agree there's no need for people to be abusive, but do as GG13 says and stop reading when the tone alters to one you don't like. Take from GN what you enjoy and ignore the rest. I do.

I'm all for keeping it real. There's no need for nasty personal attacks but I don't want an artificial 'nicey, nicey' site where all perspective on reality is lost.

Sometimes, people on here are supported and sympathised with when I think they're just being silly, over emotional, selfish or unrealistic.

soops kitchen is a nice place you may be looking forScentia ps that was one of my mother’s saying along with “see all, hear all and say sod all”

Urmstangran started not long ago what turned out to be a very busy thread, suggesting we say nice things about the previous poster. It very quickly got tangled up, and then a few posters took sly pops at other posters.
Good idea Scentia but the 'being nice' thing can't work in a public forum.

Like others I no longer read a thread once it starts getting unpleasant, however, that means either a group of people just agreeing with each other or two groups repeating the same nasty comments to each other - neither of which is proper debate.

I certainly don't want GN to be all about knitting, puppies and unicorns but about grown up debate between adults.

Thanks for your replies everyone. I will just move on if it’s turn nasty like you all say. Or “scroll on, mother” as my son says!!

I have no issue with the idea of debate and giving your opinion on asked for advice, you can be honest and true to your opinions without being nasty and personal.
On a post about Mother’s Day I gave my opinion as it was asked for but the posts that followed were unbelievable?
I will drop into Soop’s Kitchen I think.xx

I agree that it is a great shame when we've all reached 'mature' years that some of us still don't know how to live and let live.
I sometimes suspect that the venom has nothing really to do with the other posters, just someone with RL issues taking it out here.

IMO some people do just enjoy having a safe, anonymous go at other people. From experience on a few very different forums, you’re always going to get some of those.

The only forum where I never encountered it was the one for carers of people with dementia, but even there, there was someone whose replies were often extremely blunt as she pointed out where others (in her opinion) were going wrong.

Life is a mixture of nice people and not-so-nice people and I think we should keep it that way on GN.
I personally loathe posters who are unpleasant and think no-one else's opinion is worth anything. So I just try to avoid them. It tells us more about them than the people they are attacking.

Not really I don’t relate to nicey nicey things I like genuine kindness and positivity but there’s a balance and to have everyone being nice on command kind of defeats the purpose
However there is a difference with being pleasant and caring to being plain bitchy and that I don’t like
I don’t always deliver the answers that some people are looking for especially on the problem forum But I have to be honest and that sometimes means saying things they don’t want to hear I do try hard to deliver ‘bad news’ in a kind and constructive way though but I can’t always be a ‘there there all is well with the world’ person because let’s be honest it’s not is it ?
There are a few posters that I keep away from as they are not people I d want to be involved with in ‘real life’

I get your idea though scentia why not have a positivity thread

When I first joined gransnet, I had a response from someone, the topic which escapes me now, which was similar to something I may have heard from the school bully when I was about 15. It really shocked me, I suppose I was so naive to think the forum was sweet ‘ little old ladies’. I told my kids and they just laughed and said “ oh mum, this isn’t real life, people are horrible on these forums, you should try Facebook!” I didn’t give up though, and you’re all right, you get to know the obnoxious ones, and just avoid them. I’ll normally respond to the OP. If this invites a disagreement from someone else, I’ll maybe go to two more responses, and then leave it. Sometimes, I just enjoy reading the posts without being involved.

Life is a a mixture of people, some we get on with some we dont. What some people regard as nice others do not.
On here there is a poster who,if they consider someone has been nasty, threatens to leave Gransnet, you get the same posters saying dont do that. One even said you are Gransnet. Let's be clear the thousands of posters who make contributions and post are Gransnet. I find this poster a attention seeker. This is my opinion others would not agree with me and that is fine.
Posters talk about aggressive posts, but there are are also the passive aggresive one's that are just as bad they are just as nasty but put in a different way.
I like a robust discussion and we should all be able to agree or disagree, like Merlotgran I dont do twee.
Urmtried to do a lovely post, which I did not contribute on, because I knew exactly how it would go. Posters were ignored, the thread was derailed, and it got nasty in the end. Gransnet mods intervened and said if it did not get back on track it would be deleted.

rafichagran I am happy with robust discussion but when it degenerates into name calling and insults it is no longer a debate - it becomes a slanging match. Discussions don't have to be "twee" .

I find it strange when posters start a thread under AIBU. But get upset when people say actually yes you are!

lucca me too there are some posters who actually throw in a curved ball then when answers don’t agree shout ‘bully’
Life’s strange though isn’t it . And isn’t that what makes it less dull
You soon find which posters you scroll down and which you listen too all part of life’s rich pattern

I have been insulted several times on GN. One person, who shall be nameless, told me to "Clear off and you won't be missed!" (or words to that effect )

At first I felt very upset, but now I just try to avoid those posters in future.

I enjoy a sensible debate and reading other people's points of view and learning something, but slanging matches and personal insults ..... I was naive when I first joined, and feel my life is tough enough for health and other reasons that I don't need to be personally insulted or upset by something on here. I'm sure most of us feel the same.

I am an admin on a closed health forum and we crack down smartly on anyone who is the slightest bit unpleasant.

I get wonderful support on a Health thread on here. It has meant so much to me to be able to talk with people. I thank you all for being here.
Political threads are a different matter, people feel passionately about the subject, very lively debates that can get rather personal if you disagree. Best to ignore if necessary.

Gransnet is like any media forum, newspapers, tv etc . There is an off switch on the tv, you can turn the page of a newspaper . It’s the same with GN ; no one has to read things they don’t like or get involved in discussions that upset them. There are many, many kindhearted and friendly people on this site; it’s a wonderful resource for practical and sensible information on so many topics . Just choose carefully and ‘switch channels’ if necessary!