Table manners

I tell the grandchildren they should learn to use a knife and fork in case they ever go to the Palace for a meal with the Queen. But when they are on their own or just with friends it's not so important. Licking the bowl is only for when they're on their own. Gobbling and talking with a full mouth never.
We practise eating with the Queen when they come to my house for dinner! ?

My 14year old granddaughter held her cutlery as we do, until she went to secondary school. Now she hold them like ski sticks.

I did notice when we had visitors she reverted to better manners so is probably able to adapt to the
circumstance, I am not too worried.

My 11 year old stepson has good table manners when he's with us and no manners at all when he's elsewhere.

It is merely a cultural thing and as we are now so multicultural in UK many people have adopted other ways of eating i.e. with a fork or with fingers. I welcome diversity in all areas.

I’m also a firm leftie but eat as per table setting of fork left and knife right. I was not given an option as a child.
I suppose ANY way of eating could be classed as acceptable if it doesn’t cause an actual problem for either the eater or the observer.
I have an awareness of enviroment and, in a restaurant, would eat fish and chips with a knife and fork.........BUT put me on Brighton sea front and I LOVE eating fish and chips with fingers (or tiny wooden ‘fork’)

I use a Spork sometimes as it makes it easier.
My 10yr old rarely use cutlery and prefers to use his fingers.
Personally, I think bringing up children to be kind and non judgmental is far more important than observing pointless rules to show how superior one is.

I ate with a knife and fork when I could, but since my stroke don't have enough dexterity to use my left hand. I cut things with the side of my fork, in my right hand, or if I have a steak, have to have it cut into pieces before I can start on my meal.
I don't have a problem with anyone eating like this, or picking up a burger, as they would a sandwich, which is, after all, what it is.
I do have a problem with people talking with a full mouth, which is disgusting!

Having worked as a childminder of and on over at least 40 years, and with 9 grandchildren. I think good manners is important in everything, not just table manners. Recently at the wedding of one of my minded children from over 20 years ago, both the bride’s mum and some of her flat mates from uni were talking about how she had told them over the years that I was the one that had taught her her manners. I was delighted that I’d had a positive influence. Totally back fired at a family meal in a restaurant with over 20 of us when my 4year old granddaughter gave me a telling of because I produced my phone to show someone a photo on it. Resulting in a quite loud and very shocked comment “grandma no phones at the table” One of my favourite sayings coming back to bite me from a 4 year old

I am fortunate to have been taught good table manners at home and at School, and the thing I cant stand looking at is people who use cutlery like a pen, it is particularly annoying in the country where I live as most people use their knives like pens and occasionally a fork like a shovel,maybe its their custom as most people do this but it is annoying.

Apologies for my ignorance, but:

What does AIBU stand for?

Thank you.

It is so important to teach pre -school children table manners so that they are not shamed at school. Knives are held in the right hand unless a person is left handed. No child should ever be made to use the hand that is not natural for them as it can cause stammering and other issues. I agree with one comment that Americans must enjoy eating stone cold food.

Waving cutlery about makes my teeth clench - I did make efforts to ensure my children ate with consideration for others - i.e. not speaking wtih mouth full etc. and they have done the same with their children. I gently remind the little ones to rest their knife and fork on the plate when they are not chewing and want to speak, not to wave them about in case they spear an eyeball - their own on someone elses! I don't think good manners in any field is demonstrating 'superiority' - I was always taught that good manners are a demonstration of consideration for other people, and that surely is part of being kind. Also, letting children continue with bad manners when they eat is doing them no favours - like it or not they will need to move around in the world and they will be judged by their behaviour and manners - or lack of.

Helleborus it means Am I Being Unreasonable.

Someone I know teaches in School and tells me that some children do not know how to use a knife and fork as mostly eat takeaway food with fingers. Table manners, using cutlery, not leaning across someone's plate to reach something, not talking with mouth full of food, are important but in the right context,please remember that over half the world use fingers for eating their meals and this is a correct way to eat in their culture. I was brought up in a time when it was considered not done to eat in the street, times change and customs change. At my school we used to get marked on our deportment, I wonder how many school children nowadays even know what that is!
I am all for good table manners in the right setting, but sometimes a burger just calls for hands only food.

Well, my American grandchildren have lovely table manners. They eat with a knife and fork and watching them use chopsticks is amazing. I wouldn’t be embarrassed to take them out to dinner, if only they lived a bit closer!

We taught our children to use a knife and fork properly from an early age but as they grew older, to remember that it is important to ‘have manners when in public, but at home you can be more relaxed - provided they weren’t messy or disgusting anyone else. They still abide by these rules.
Personally I believe it connects to finger food being given to young children, where they never learn the skill of eating wet or hot foods because they struggle to get it in their mouth - that’s apart from no one now every telling a child ‘eat it or go hungry’.

I was raised to be pretty "prim" at the table, but I do enjoy sitting with a leg tucked under my bum (at home only)

Once, in a restaurant on holiday in Croatia, I had put both my feet under my bottom (I was very relaxed and not in the middle of a restaurant, but with my back against a wall), I hadn't even given it a thought, but I had tucked my legs under my bottom, leaving my flip flops under the table (it was a beach resort). I was spotted by some German kids, who were shocked and pointing to their parents who glanced over...then I realized that the parents were smoking at the dinner table with their young kids and I suddenly felt a lot better than them! HA!

In terms of other people's bad table manners:

My niece stabs a sausage and shoves it in her mouth, bites off a piece, and when it's too hot, she spits it back onto her plate with saliva trailing it...she's 10!

My husband's family also allows the kids to dig the white part of the baguette out, leaving the crusts for others to eat, and when there is icecream or cakes, they allow them to touch it and lick their fingers before serving other people. Oh, and they also stab with their own fork out of the communal salad bowl.

They also have symphonic sounds of loud, open -mouthed chewing from the kids.

Needless to say; I've tried to avoid meals with those kids.

Until I got a chronic injury to right arm I'd have agreed with OP, exceptions being burgers, they're supposed to be picked up, and chicken legs, which have for a long time been considered OK to hold to eat. However, my right arm is injured and using a knife to cut anything firmer than broccoli is really painful so unless it would be really messy to daintily pick things up between my fingers and if I can't spear with fork in left hand, I get someone to cut my food for me so I can use my fork to eat with. My ex teachers at a very prim and proper school must be turning in their graves. Mind you I still always ask for a fork to accompany spoon for puddings, they're generally soft so I can use 2 pieces of cutlery and eat them properly, despite the derision of my family. It helps to hold the bowl still.

Naty I’m rather jealous I’m certainly not flexible enough to sit in that position! ”I do enjoy sitting with a leg tucked under my bum (at home only)” How have you retained your flexibility, tell me your secrets

I'm 34 years old DillytheGardener

But! I am flexible because I usually sit on the floor to do my hair and make-up
I also get on the floor to play with my kid. I love sitting cross legged.

What are people's thoughts on cutlery draping off the sides of plates? It was absolutely unheard of when I was young but I see it everywhere these days. An absolute no no for me.

What I can't stand are those people who insist the world and his aunt should see that they are eating, and what they are eating, i.e. not closing the mouth when chewing!! Even gum chewers who insist I should know what they have in their mouths - I think it's revolting!!

Interesting post. I do tend to use my hands, this comes about from spending many years in SE Asia and eating using your hands. Hands are washed first and then you pick up your food and eat. and I must admit I love it. Here at home we use our knife and fork and conform but I don't see anything wrong with cutting up most of your food first. But I do hate people eat with their mouth open.

My first memory of school dinners is being hit across my knuckles with a ruler, because I had my knife and fork in the wrong hands.