Was I a hard mother?

I don't know how expecting children to iron clothes and make their own packed lunch from the age of 10 equates with being a good/bad mother. Loving and caring for them, in whatever manner you choose, is what matters, and as one or two posters have mentioned, hot irons and children, not a good combination.

Why do we consider making sandwiches or ironing a few shirts as chores?
They are just part of our daily routine like cleaning our teeth, making our beds, tidying away and washing the dishes.
We did these things together when DC were young so they hardly had to learn how.

My eldest daughter kept all her things neat and tidy, although I did most of the ironing, she could and did do it on occasion, she cut the lawns for an elderly neighbour, and she decorated her own room on several occasions.
My youngest daughter put in a lot of hours of sport every week, she also had a longer school week, so I didn’t expect her to do much. She had to keep her room tidy, because I wouldn’t clean it otherwise. She is now quite useless on the domestic front, never irons anything, only seems to do any washing when they run out of clothes, but she can turn her hand to any kind of DIY, and she’s a good cook, something she definitely didn’t learn from me.
My son is single, and self sufficient, but I think he might starve without M&S ready meals.

I you weren’t a bad mother....
You were better than most. I met my husband when he was 25 , still living with parents and waited on hand and foot... he had NEVER even made a cup of tea. As for a sandwich. Even niw at 73 he’s useless . I brought our girl and boy up to be independent ... my unpartnered son does all his own cooking ,laundry ( including ironing).... and shopping g. His dad can’t u derstand him at all. Useless parenting breeds useless children ( especially boys) who seem to have an inbuilt expectation of ‘their rights’ to expect females to wait on them. You have done a brilliant job with your boys as I’ve done with my boy and girl! More power to our elbows!

My ex husband was good about shirts which were “drip dry” in those days and he was happy for me not to iron them. However when his ( long gone) mother came to stay she was shocked to find I didn’t iron them for him and accused me of being a bad wife!! Funnily enough my present partner has a mother who irons everything, even towels, so he expects all his clothes to be ironed! I don’t mind in this case as I’m retired and he still works full time.

No, I don't think you were hard. I didn't have as many children as you but I did iron their clothing until they left school.

I packed their lunches or paid for school meals until they left school.

They are self-sufficient and well-adjusted adults now and they live their own lives.