feeling judged by a supposed non judgemental organisation

I am so sorry you had this experience. it is humiliating and makes you feel as if you are a liar and a cheat. This happens to people in need all the time. And is why people in the past hated and refused charity and were desperate to manage without. Charitable giving of all sorts may make the people who give feel good about themselves but it is often at the cost of the dignity of the recipients. In my opinion, we shouldn’t have to have people depending on charity for food. We should have a properly funded and managed social security system that would support us all in dignity when we need it. However I know that people have voted against this.

Chaitriona has hit the nail on the head. We are the sixth richest nation in the world and yet people are dependent on charity to get food. It is a National disgrace.

Chaitriona - I couldn't agree more.

And the comments about what people 'should' have (or not have) before they can claim anything are reminiscent of what my grandparents used to tell me about the 1930s - before people could get any help they had to sell everything they owned and had worked for.

Means testing works against self-help, as as soon as people have got anything it is at risk of being taken away if they fall on hard times, so they may as well spend what they have whilst they have it. It encourages a 'jam today' way of thinking, which is completely understandable when the alternative is to do without all the time.

oh pooohbear2811 that is awful. I am so sorry. How dare they. This idea that as a recipient you do not also have the desire to give. It reminds me of the widow's mite - the most generous gift. I was always moved by that as a child. What self righteous prigs they are. I'd like to know who they were. Some people do have to be named and shamed however much they signal their virtue - they most of all.

A few weeks ago I found a carrier bag in my bin which didn’t belong to me after a bit of detective work it appeared it had come from a food bank and inside was all the ‘healthy food’ pasta, granola, chick peas etc etc, someone didn’t want I really don’t understand why they just didn’t say no to those items instead of dumping them Well they were all in date so went back to my closest food bank ?

Named and shamed?

Crikey-that's a bit strong innit?

The charity seems to have drawn a reasonable conclusion from a situation which the OP was daft enough to post on social media!

Your answer is here I'm afraid. An awful lot of people who volunteer are judgemental, gossipy and see themselves as judge, jury and public executioner. A former client of mine once heard 2 charity volunteers discussing her case on the bus! She was horrified and very distressed, had they been paid staff they would have lost their income but as volunteers just moved on to another charity!

As for people arriving in brand new cars, they could be motability vehicles which are leased to claimants, some of whom have hidden disabilities.
Some people, like myself, have conditions which make them appear intoxicated, or take medications which make them appear "high". It's possible they may be playing the system, but no more so than those use tax loopholes and surely should have the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise? It's the attitude of volunteers that put a lot of people off using these organisations. Ironically much of the donated food is donated by poorer people who know what it's like to go without and contrary to public opinion, far more benefits go unclaimed than are fraudulently acquired.

@oldgimmerl. I mostly agree with your response on the food package situation, but a bit perturbed about your comment on the “Work Coach”, at Jobcentre & “maximising your income”? Do you work for DWP? Rather a patronising & presumptuous comment on someone you don’t know.

@jo I agree with your summing-up of some workers in the charity sector. There are many who volunteer simply to make themselves feel better, this being achieved by lauding it over others who are "not so fortunate as themselves". .

Bluebelle - many people offload items such as those you found in your bin as they have neither the means or the motivation to cook them.

I do think that the charity behaved quite badly, if they had doubts, surely they could have contacted you to ask about your current circumstances fully before making a decision?
Again though, it's a minority of people creating problems for those who need some support.
In my area there's a warehouse that sells furniture very cheaply to those in receipt of benefits and it is, very good quality. People will go with a friend 'on benefits' to get items and then sell them on.

Quite unexpectedly my daughter received a package from a charity because her daughter is a young carer and they are living on a low income. There were a number of things in the package that she would never use so she either wrapped them up as Christmas presents or donated them back to charity. She could have popped the things in the cupboard and forgotten about them but giving them away didn't make her any less broke!

@dublin: I'm not sure what you mean about my comment on "maximising income"? I certainly meant no offence.

I'm not going to disclose where I work on a public forum but in my neck of the woods, maximising income is part and parcel of claiming UC. That could include offering budgeting skills, ensuring that a claimant is aware of any additional benefits entitlement, charity assistance, and localised help (such as food banks).

I am surprised at the number of people who have open social media - on my fb page you see nothing unless you are a friend and you are only a friend if I know you.

The charity’s behaviour in not speaking to you was definitely wrong, but it sounds as though someone who knows you ( an acquaintance or neighbour) might have put the idea into their head which made them check.

Some people in smart cars might have just changed jobs - they could have started a new job and be waiting for payday, so have managed to hang onto their car ( or it could be a fleet car that goes with the new job).

Our local food bank instructs volunteers not to judge people - we can never know the full story from outside appearances, but it is sometimes hard not to!

Refusing to help is one thing but repeatedly promising and lying is contemptible and cruel.
There should be a Trustpilot for charities. They could have left you with nothing.
I had housing problems after being hospitalisee with depression and was made to feel worse by a smug volunteer. They can be wonderful but all too often are doing it for the wrong reason. Terms like 'do gooder' or 'white lady bountiful' don't arise out of nowhere.

PS: pooohbear2811 I hope you will be able to return to work soon, but it must be hard to have to rely on overtime.

starboard many of those cars are on PCP lease deals. They're seen as a cheap way of getting a newish car at a low monthly price.

It's not a sound choice financially but hey ho...

I am saddened and shocked by that sort of behaviour pooohbear2811, and yet not so surprised these days.

Your sad tale reminds me of a scene from the J.B. Priestley play "An Inspector Calls" - where the rich and well-heeled ladies dispense the charitable handouts or not, dependent on their myopic view of the "worthiness" of the young lady who was in need.

Sometimes I just despair for the future of this country - aided and abetted by recent events we are becoming ever more judgemental.

I can only wish you a speedy recovery and hope that it does work out well for you in the end.

Poohbear2811, like many others have said, I'm so sorry that you had this difficult experience. Yet in spite of how hurt you felt I admire the way you recounted it, without naming anyone nor fluffing it up with melodrama. The mark of a great heart!

Horrible experience for you, and a badly handled situation from the charity. I hope you did have some goodies for the holiday; also that your work situation sorts out before too long. This in no way excuses your upsetting experience, but there are people, sadly, who decide to go to the food bank instead of the supermarket. When I was employed in the public sector there were a couple of people openly saying they would get all their basic stuff from the foodbank, and clearly thought they were 'clever'. They had the whistle blown on them and one I heard got shown up in front of a queue when she tried it the next time; as ever the few cheats often make charities suspicious of all.

You can't just 'decide to go to the foodbank'. You have to be referred by a GP or social worker, or the DWP, and this only happens if you are in need.

This is very sad pooohbear. The person of responsibility in the charity who did this to you should be ashamed of there behaviour.

Just because someone is in need of a little help at a difficult time does not mean that they do not have a good heart and can give themselves.

Have you got enough food to see you through at this stage?

Apologies for my misspelling and grammar I should have reread before posting.

Actually, doodledog has a point. Most (but probably not all) food banks require vouchers to verify the need and also the person's identity.

I think the behaviour of the Charity was pretty good, under the circumstances. The CEO contacted the OP at 10pm on Christmas Eve to apologise in person AND to offer her a hamper, which the OP decided against as she did not want to drive to collect it.

Most organisations would say "stuff you" and refer you to their complaints procedure. Especially on Christmas Eve, when, let's face it, most workers are tucked up with Morecambe and Wise.

Yes, I suspect that a lot of tales of how people take advantage of food banks are, erm, exaggerated.

I wonder why there were any hampers left at 10.00pm on Christmas Eve. If I had donated to one, I'd be pretty annoyed to think that someone had decided not to distribute them all on the grounds that some of the intended recipients weren't needy enough.

Has to be a moral in this, avoid social media.