Adult children home for Christmas

Last weekend my daughter, her partner and my 9-month-old grandson came to stay, and it was just so Christmassy that today, which is actually Christmas Day, feels like an anticlimax!

storynanny that pattern can also feel like a cage for these young families, a habit that can be very hard to break. Many of these young families who work very hard all year round, they would love a break, just to be cocooned in their own homes, just them and their children, while they re-charge their batteries.

A few years ago, two years before my husband died, I decided that I would have the family gathering at my house a week before christmas. It was joyous and we were exhausted but that released our AC to be free with their own families. My AS and his wife, live at the other end of the uk, he came down for a night, a few weeks ago and that was so pleasing to me, the fact that he bothered to come all that way

It is their time, we must take care not to take it from them. Best to allow for that to happen year on year and make the best of it. Our best gift to them, it is not all about us any more

Should add the son who spends Christmas with in-laws travels home and I get a day visit sometime over the festive period. Very hurtful but what can you do.

Madmaggie same here for various reasons
Other posters,
I also thought what about the other parents when you talk about never missing a Christmas Day with your adult children. My eldest son hasn’t spent Christmas with us for 15 years,, his in-laws very proudly say their daughter son in law and grandchildren always spend Christmas Day with them. The pattern is set and won’t change unfortunately as daughter insists on seeing her parents and son wants to do whatever she wants. I’ve decided to accept it and not rock the boat, but am privately very very hurt every year.
2 of mine live abroad and the one in uk is single so coming here for dinner after work.

My DD is a paramedic and works most Christmasses so we have our family Christmas when she is off. This year it is just DH and me on Christmas Day, we go to our DS, DDiL and DGC on Boxing Day and all come to us on Saturday. Whatever you're doing hope you have a lovely time.

Thomas67 Ignore them!!!!! To say that to someone means they are not a nice person at all. Be glad that you are!!! Stay with us on here, all the lovely posters together!!

Happy Christmas!!

I have 1DD out of town with her hubby and little ones, and 2 DS in town, one married with 2 little ones, the other single, but with a new puppy. We also have our elderly MIL stay over for a few nights.

I do not ponder or stew over the ones that cannot be here with us, since I know travel is overpriced and overbooked at Christmas. We went to visit daughter and family at the beginning of the month, and they do have friends to spend the day with.

To all of those, whether having a quiet day alone, or spending it with the chaos of extended family I wish you all the best Christmas.

The ‘other’ family in my case are my beloved parents-in-law, who live very close by and are just about to arrive for dinner this evening and will be joining us, with my brother-in-law tomorrow. It’s my own mum (200 miles away) that I don’t get to see at Christmas, but I have other siblings who live close to her and will ensure she’s included.

There was no smugness intended in my OP suttonJ, just a sense of appreciation for my own family and curiosity about others experiences at this time of the year. All families have some difficulties in their lives I suspect, including mine, but this post was about how families navigate their adult children’s homecoming.

When my daughters got married it was me that insisted they did the alternate year thing with their in laws. This year is not our year, which didn't really bother me. Today is my DHs birthday so the girls and grandchildren have been here all day. Tomorrow
The in laws of DD2 will come to them for the day. DD1 will briefly see her inlaws but will spend most of the day on their own (not good as I think their marriage is collapsing). DS has gone to his fiancees family down south. BUT they are all coming here on Boxing Day for the full Turkey watt and gift openings. So instead of a year off, I am putting all the work in on the day I would normally be putting my feet up and doing nothing!

Echo that your neighbour is a fool Thomas67! A thoughtless insensitive one at that! Your plans sound perfect to me!

You can’t ‘magic up’ families just for Christmas.

I have a large family. I find I go along with the flow. I don’t feel “smug” in any way. In fact for years I felt I was a “mug”. Never actually got out the kitchen haha.

My dad used to say all he wanted was a boiled egg and to be left alone until 2nd January. We told him he was a misery! NOW I can understand him! This year I thought I was about to have a nice peaceful day but seemingly am not allowed ?.

I am sorry for people who hate being alone but many more might relish it? As Sir said “Christmas isn’t compulsory”. It comes and it goes - leaving lots of people feeling EXHAUSTED

X

My DD SiL and their 3 children and my DS all live in the same City as me but have decided they want to stay the night on Christmas day so they can socialise with us in the evening. I know I am very lucky. I have just spent the day trying trying to work out sleeping arrangements though!

No one with me.

My 2 daughters (40 & 43) don't get on & haven't seen each other for 5 years. They both have children. Christmas is fraught, I'll be glad when it's over.

We always alternate, one year we go to my son's house and the next year they go to DIL's sisters house and we see them on Boxing Day. Usually have my mother here every year, but this year she is at my sisters house, so it's just the two of us.
Have to say we have never been on our own on Christmas Day before and I have felt kind of lost. We made a point of not buying too much food, no chocolates, no snacks, no mince pies, no Christmas cake, just a turkey breast roll and vegetables, but still too much for 2 of us. Right now OH is in the kitchen cooking the food and we will eat some for dinner this evening and have what's left tomorrow.
Hoping the weather is going to be sunny as predicted so that we can drive into London during the daytime when it should be nice and quiet and have a walk around, we will see!

We have had many years having the whole family staying for Christmas but now they are all busy with their own children and now GGC are arriving so they are becoming heads of their own families. Now we live abroad and have stopped celebrating Christmas in the normal way. We usually have a nice lazy day doing and eating what we want. With me being ill this year DH is having tp do more in the house than he used to. Because it's a nice day he decided to do 3 loads of washing plus he had to take me to the doctors. When we got home from the chemist he sat down and said that was it he wouldnt be doing anything more today as he had done so much and was worn out. He didnt intend lighting the wood burner for the central heating so he hoped I didnt feel cold. He didnt even get up until 11am so hardly working like a drudge. Lol When I think how much work Christmas Eve entailed for me when we had the family it would seem he never noticed as he did his own thing then. Now he is watching a Harry Potter marathon on the TV. Merry Christmas everyone.

Your neighbour's a fool, Thomas67, and a smug one at that. We can't all have big happy families on the doorstep, or willing and able to travel to us.

I wondered about the other families as well, endlessstrife.

We alternate our Christmas Days with the family - one year they all come to us, the next they're all off to their inlaws. Nobody stays over now that they all have little ones to sort out, and they all live fairly nearby.

Last year it was just the two of us on the day itself, and we had a champagne breakfast, went out for a nice lunch then just relaxed. This year we'll have a lovely chaotic day with 12 of us crammed into our little house (and round a table made for 6 ), then come the evening we'll wave them off and sit snoring companionably together in front of a bit of festive TV, with a glass of something warming and a chocolate or ten.

Christmas wishes to you all, and particularly to those who aren't looking forward to it, for whatever reason.

No family so will be on my own ! Shall look forward to Call the Midwife and my M & S Christmas dinner !

Yes, we are all different. Kimruses Christmas would be an absolute nightmare for me, I would hate it, but she obviously loves it and that’s great. I wonder from some of these posts, where are the spouses family in all this? Don’t they get a turn? We’ve got everyone on Boxing Day, so four kids, their partners, six grandchildren. Two of my kids are staying until the weekend, with husbands, and one grandchild. That’s enough!! It isn’t helping that we’re not over our viruses yet, on second week. I’m always conscious of people who are estranged, or just on their own, or have lost someone. Makes me sad.

My son and daughter and their children will be here for Xmas day and Boxing day so I'm very blessed. However it's my 10th Xmas without my oldest son who I lost to cancer and I miss him so much. We can never be a complete family again but I cherish my two remaining children so much. They are 32 and 34 and we've never had a Xmas day apart.

Thomas - take no notice! We're doing the same as you this year. I do feel a bit sad that the family is not all together but also very grateful that DH and I at least have each other. Happy Christmas!

My neighbour has 12 relations staying with her and for some unknown reason she likes to imply I’m a sad case because I don’t have anyone to stay.
Today she asked me what I was doing and I said I was at home on Christmas Day with my husband but going to tea.with my son on Boxing Day.” Oh that would never happen to me “ she said, “Fancy not having family to stay:’
I’m an only child so this limits the relations . My husbands relatives are all dead. I did not say anything ,just hoped she has a good time. However I felt she was having a dig at me and I can’t understand why she wants to do that. I was quite happy until she said her bit and now she has spoilt my mood even though I know it shouldn’t !

My husband and I usually have Christmas Day on our own these days, and I love it, our unmarried son often joins us. But tomorrow we’re going to friends, which will be lovely as well.

Boxing Day onwards, chaos! But I’ve got lots of activities lined up, so we don’t just sit around eating for days!

All mine used to come home for Christmas no matter where they were at uni etc. As their families grew so did the numbers. Father Christmas came to our house for the earlier grandchildren. This year is the first Christmas where they have all decided to stay in their own homes. Mainly because the older children now don’t want to be dragged away from their presents and there are far too many to fit comfortably.

So enjoy while it lasts OP. Although am not going to be alone (but wouldn’t mind if I was this year which have stated on another post).

Have a fabulous time.

suttonJ, I don't think anyone's gloating, we all have different kinds of Christmases. I like hearing about how different families deal with it. Obviously it can be difficult for those without extended families, but Gransnet is full of those who know that life isn't perfect.

Rather a lot of gloating going on.....please remember there are so many folk who don't have one of these wonderful extended families.