Manners; where's thank you notes gone!

If a grandchild gift does come, its from the neighbout to you IYKWIM.

The previous gift didnt come from the new baby's parents and they may not want to take the baton IYKWIM. They may feel it obliges them to reociprocate.

I have friends with grown kids and have an adult relationship with some but not with others. Once they are grown you arent their friend by default if you are friends of their parents. But you may be if you have developed an adult to adult relationship with them.

My closest friend's AS I loved like my own as a baby. He has no interest in being friends with his mums friend now, which is fair enough.

Again very interesting...

So do you feel its inappropriate for presents to brides and grooms if the guest is friends of the parents but doesn't have an ongoing adult relationship with the bride or groom.

A gift should be acknowledged in any form, I believe. One thing I will say for hand written notes... where do you find someone's address these days? In Canada the local telephone book used to be the go-to for looking up addresses.
Now that most people have cell phones and no land-line the numbers/addresses are not posted anywhere. So if I wanted to send a note to the Paulsens' who lived in Smallville, I used to be able to get an address, but now I cannot.

two sons in law and a daughter in law always had a gift and a card from me on their birthdays. I never got a thank you so last year I decided enough was enough, now they just get a card.

Where I live buying for a new baby as a one off is quite common.

Notanan2 and annep1...
Agree with you both... ☺️

If you are a guest at a wedding you are seeing the couple.

Babygifts:
If you are visiting the baby
If you cant visit because of distance you are close enough to be able to call/ask the parents about the baby and show an interest in it. Directly.

Our family must be old-fashioned then.

annep yes, we received and bought presents for new babies of friends, neighbours, and their new grandchildren even though this wouldn't be continued for birthdays and Christmas.

I need to give with no expectations or need for gratitude

Of course, doesn't that go without saying? Any other way is highly ungracious.

If there isn't an ongoing relationship with a bride/groom I wouldn't have someone as a guest at a wedding.
Gone are the days when friends of the parents outnumber the friends of the couple.

If someone bought a gift for my baby however indirectly it happened I would send a thank you acknowledgement. The gift is for my child and I would not expect my parents to deal with this.

I agree with you on everything apart from the class element - there are rude people in every class.

If I send a gift or money then I don't expect a handwritten note, but I do expect a WhatsApp message or text or whatever just to let me know that it's arrived. I sent my cousin and his wife an outfit for their baby 5 months ago and have had nothing from either of them. I was bought up to acknowledge gifts - my mum always used to say that if someone had gone to the bother and expense of sending me something I should thank them and I've instilled that into my DC as well. It takes all of 30 seconds to text or message someone.

So true SirChenjin - how many times were we reminded as children to say thank you for everything and anything regardless of whether we actually liked the gift! Isn’t that where ‘it’s the thought that counts’ comes from?

Who knows if the relationship between guests at a wedding and the bride and groom will be ongoing?

Even friends drift apart.

Bradfordlass...

No 100% not....I'll need to work hard for my halo ? to shine that bright
My impression is it came to you naturally. I aspire to your unreserved good will.

It is bad manners for anyone to not acknowledge and say thank you for a gift, no matter what the circumstances. A message by any form takes seconds, and it should be done sooner rather than later. I used to send cash in cards and often would have no idea if it had been received or lost in the post. Therefore I started sending cheques so at least I could see they had been cashed. Still didn’t get a thank you even though they obviously found the time to take it to the bank. Have just stopped now! They can blame my age!

Retired, I think it was very nice of you to send a gift. You have known the family for years. I can’t see why your generosity should be questioned.

It took me 3 hours to earn the cash (well cheque) my husband and I sent to his nephew and partner on the birth of their baby. They did thank us, via my DD on Facebook. Couldn’t they have managed a card? 10mins?
I suppose I must be grateful that they made contact. Life does evolve, just a shame that social niceties are being forgotten.
The nephew is the same generation as my children. Mine still send thank you notes.

Pamela, Mine send thank you cards too basically I guess because from as far back as they could scribble I made them understand we were sending a note/picture/ card to whoever because they sent the Lego or the took you to the theatre for your birthday..
When they kicked back because they couldn't be bothered idsay no worries let's send the present back (calling their bluff) because if you can't be bothered that's an insult to the present giver..
My son has just got married and thankfully I know my new DIL will send hand individual written notes to my cousins who very kindly forked out £150, £200 etc..and indeed all the older guests who were very generous
No wedding list, no asking for money..thank goodness... Cringe..
I'd be beyond mortified if they wrote a Facebook message thank you ?

If its something you want to discourage then a thank you is mixes messages.

In that case notanan2 I’d rather receive a straightforward ‘Please don’t send anymore gifts’ message than nothing at all.

No danger of a misinterpretation then is there, and that would be the end of the whole sorry mess!

Last wedding we went to we were asked for money and we gave a cheque. All we know is that it was cashed. My DS still gets presents from his Godparents and he always thanks them in an email. I think that is OK, don't need a letter just the spirit of thanks

I think it’s like most things - done electronically.
We’re you not taught that we don not give to receive? Only joking with that - an acknowledgement should always be sent in some form but a handwritten note is special.

I was always brought up to write thank you notes. A lot of the time between Christmas and New Year was spent in writing thank you letters to aunts and uncles when I was a child!
Maybe the recipients of the gifts have assumed that the people you gave the gifts to, to pass on have already said thank you on their behalf, which IMO is lazy.
I'd be tempted to ask their parents if they liked the present and say that you hadn't heard anything. Doesn't take 5 minutes to pop a card in the post - not when you can get pre- printed cards these days!

If you give a gift, however small, it is just good manners by the recipient to say 'Thank you', with a note, phone call, email, text or whatever.
I don't do Facebook or any other social networking sites but anyone that I would send a gift or card to has my mobile number.
I would be tempted to phone them and ask if they actually received it.

I am 82. When young, communities of neighbours and friends were,perhaps, smaller. Older people, in particular, liked to give something to any new baby, they heard of. Some loved knitting and felt closer to the community, ready made baby clothes were largely unobtainable. I was made to write thank you notes when older and tried with my own sons, now 55 and 47. I gave up when they reached the teens. Nowadays, I have never had any thankyous from grandchildren unless called to the phone by their parents. Grandson, now 20, HAS sent articulate emails lately. His sister, aged 15, can only be contacted via her mother. She never uses email despite having an address. She apparently uses What's App and possibly other social connections unknown to me.