Ladies who like to be driven to places - why?

I have had, and continue to have the same problem. I don’t drink, 2 of my friends do. So it falls to me to be the taxi home as I’m going their way!!
They have, at the beginning, suggested I leave the car, have a wee drink, and share a taxi home with them. But I rarely drink, get very tipsy on one drink, and prefer the convenience of leaving when it suits me and not waiting forever on taxis.
And that is my bug bear.... I don’t have the freedom to choose when I turn up or leave because I’m the taxi!!
They also offered me petrol money, which I don’t want/need.
I have lied, saying I’ll meet them later as I have a previous engagement and they have either not gone to the event or bemoaned the fact that they’ll need to get a taxi!!!
I have also told them before events, that I’ve had a long day/week and would be leaving event early etc
To which they reply. ‘Oh just as we were enjoying ourselves’!
It makes me both furious at their audacity and at myself for feeling guilty of ruining their nights.
I can’t see a way out of this, without stubbornly declining lifts when I’m going to the events anyway
Or
Just not going.

So I put up & shut up

Maybe Margaret has lost confidence in driving and is too proud to say. I have a friend who was a dreadful driver, it was a suicide trip every time she drove, so I am more than happy to do the driving, especially as she pays her way and happily pays for tea and scones. If we go out and alcohol is involved, eg, lunch, then we share a cab or get a bus/train. If you feel that she is taking advantage of you, tell her, or just steer clear.

I’ve been reading all these posts.... they mostly sound promising for something I’ve been considering for a while now. Does anybody think I could learn to drive at age 68... I’m fit .... had my cataract repaired.... and have quick responses , according to my kids. My husbands had to stop driving , and his walking is nearly non existent , his world is shrinking and mine with it! Sorry for the hi-jacking, but what do you think?,

It's never too late, Saggi. Give it a go. You'll soon find out if it's not for you... but you might love it and be a natural!

I'm still driving regularly and love it just as much as ever.

Your 'friend' is a clingy leech by the sound of it!
Can anybody sort of advise me... I have a car and drive anywhere. DH has bought a new one - one he chose and really likes, so I'm pleased. BUT when I tried it there are a few problems. It is big and I feel I can't tell where it ends. And it has lots of 'helpful' control extras that leave me feeling out of control, so I avoid driving it. I know its not a good thing but how do I sort it out?

Margaret sounds quite self centred to me. You mention she thinks you stay with your husband for 'lifts', which is obviously a delusional point of view. As someone else said I am surprised she has any friends! It sounds from what you say she is physically fit so there seems to be no other explanation other than she is selfish. Is this a new trait? Is there any cognitive decline?
You ask about driving. I hate driving apart from locally and my eyesight is not great for night driving. I didn't learn in a city and the thought of not knowing the route and layout brings me out in a sweat so I would avoid it. I would use public transport or as I have a friend who likes to drive join her. I always either pay petrol (if it is a long distance) or buy her coffee/meal. I would feel it totally unfair not to contribute as I am extremely grateful for the lift. There have been instances where I have declined going somewhere if it is difficult to get to and I don't know the others well enough to ask for a lift. I would see it an imposition to do so.

I think m is being selfish unless she pays for petrol/takes turns driving/pays for coffee n cake. But her friends need to say no if they are not happy or accept it if they are.

Some driving instructors will give you a few refresher lessons that would help.

Has anyone ever said to her that if she is given a lift then perhaps she can reciprocate the next time. Think I would. If there is an issue of why she won't drive then that may be an opportunity for her to say so. All driving schools will offer assessments and of course tuition on areas of concern. Why does she own a car if there is this dependency to have others do the driving. Or is this a person who has been accustomed to be pampered too much.

I like driving and have driven many miles over the years. I live in a rural area and would be really stuck if I didn't drive. I am also on my own, so if I didn't drive I would be really stuck.

I can never understand why someone passes their driving test to not then drive? I have known many people [ usually women ] do this. Why go to all the expense of learning to drive if you don't intend to use the skill?

My sister no longer drives as she says she hates it and will only go out with her husband.

CassieJ I did pass my driving test but that was almost 40 years ago!

I'd much rather drive than be driven.
I know what I'm doing but some of my friends are very doddery when behind the wheel. DH goes too fast.
Having said that I have had to do 2 speed courses but I think I have learned my lesson now!!
I like driving.

A lady I once knew used to do exactly the same thing - but she went further than that, chose her friends by those she could get a cheap holiday with or had relatives that would take her out for meals!
Unfortunately, she had, what they now call "no filter" and often said things to people that were really hurtful.
One year she went on holiday with a "friend" who was able to get her cheap train travel to holidays in the SW of the UK. They came back separately and to this day, the other lady will not say what happened.
Her crowning glory, shall we say was when she was really nasty to someone she had known for years after the friend's niece took her to a family wedding - this woman told her that she should have been invited as well as she was her friend!
Unfortunately, for her, she ran out of people to leach off . The only person that visited her in the home was her nephew that had POA and another woman, fairly new to the area that went to the same church. Sad.

Lindiloo and others who said they ahve lost confidence, I had some criticism from family about my driving and I was driving grandkids so I did the Advanced Motorist course. I didn't pass but I got lots of tips and improved a lot. That was about 13 years ago and then about 5 years later I did their assessment hour, where they take you out and a tutor observes and feeds back any things you might improve. I was ok still to drive then and they suggested I might re-try and test but stuff happened and I didn't. Then about 4 years ago I did the assessment again to check my skills as still drive grandkids and want to remain safe.

It is only about £30 for an hour and the tutors are very supportive and encouraging. I would recommend it as a way to get confidence back. Or simply have a couple of ordinary lessons, of course.

For various reasons I have never learnt to drive. But I'm happy to travel by public transport or bus. My DH does drive but I don't like to be dependent on him or anyone. Of course it is nice to be offered a lift but I never expect it.

I actually don't like driving, especially at night, as have cataracts, like another poster, but I get my eyes tested regularly to ensure I am safe to drive. And if I don't drive I can't get to see family.

Saggi my mum was in her 60s when she passed her test . 7th time of trying! She had a car and within a year drove up to see me at university, from London to Sheffield. She was a determind woman and still driving in her 80s, but v..e..r..y slowly. She got Alzheimers and stayed at home but claimed she still drove

Saggi there's no harm in giving it a try! Book a few lessons with someone you're comfortable with and see how it goes. You could also just choose to learn to drive in an automatic car, which is really simple.

I like to drive and deliberately keep my hand in. So many women 'let ' their partners drive, then loose all their confidence. I live in Spain and happily take my turn driving up to the north of England. The only bit I don't like is the M25 in a left hand drive car. I make myself do it. I know many older women who are stuck because they wont step out of their comfort zone and just get on with it. Maybe us drivers should call out other women who can but won't drive.

If I drive, I don’t drink even “just one small glass” at the beginning of the evening/meal. The great luxury in driving oneself is being able to leave exactly when I want to rather than at a time pre booked for say a taxi. I got sick of various friends cadging lifts “if you’re not drinking” then having to round them up tipsy and often reluctant to leave.

Maybe shes just a nervous driver?and has got worse since her husbands death?my DIL is a bit of a nervous driver,so wont do motorways.

Yes also maybe its so she can have a drink or two?

Maybe us drivers should call out other women who can but won't drive.

What the heck does this even mean??

You know there is a lot of freedom in NOT having a car! Its just an extra bill chore!

Having lived somewhere where we HAD to drive to do anything at all, we did not see it as a "freedom" and made a comscious decision to buy somewhere where you didnt need to drive when our children were young! This in turn gave the girls freedom as teens as they were not totally reliant on mum and das until they could pass their tests.

If you called me out I would call you out for your lack of imagination re people who have different priorities to you. NOT driving can equate with freedom and independance.

Im not some meek little think. I have joint issues and even getting to and from bus stops keeps me more mobile and healthy than driving everywhere!

Spring, it seems you've lost the convenience of turning up and leaving when you want, whatever you do.
So why not go for the option of shared taxi?

I can never understand why someone passes their driving test to not then drive? I have known many people [ usually women ] do this. Why go to all the expense of learning to drive if you don't intend to use the skill?

Why drive if you dont have to? Just for the sake of it?

Its uncomfortable and prolongued sitting is bad for your body, it is expensive and bad for the environment. Theres no harm in having the skill under your belt, and I have had jobs where is was a requirement for shortlisting even though in practice I never had to do it.

I do think that licences should have to be PROPERLY renued every few years. Passing 40yrs ago says nothing about your ability to drive now. The theory and hazard perception should be redone every 5-10yrs IMO (because everyone redoing theory wouldnt be practical)