Ladies who like to be driven to places - why?

I hope Margaret stumps up some petrol money. She doesn’t sound like a very nice person at all and I’m amazed she has any friends left.

I hate driving. But also hate the notion that all non drivers are lift scroyngers. I would honestly rather walk od get the bus!

I had 2 colleagues who were convinved I was always sitting there waiting for life offers after work. One would insist on dropping me "home" if it was raining... except she wouldnt do the 4 min detour to actually drop me at the door, which is fine but I never asked her to give me a lift or go out of her way, yet she always insisted I needed one if it rained, then dropped me off further from my house than the bus stop! I did say I preferred the bus but she didnt listen. I ended up finding reasons to work on a bit on rainy days to avoid her.

Another colleague lived very near me and did similar. Offered lifts which I would sometimes accept if we happen to walk out the door at the same time, but then I found out she was being a martyr about it and telling people she had to give me lifts! I think I accepted less than 10 lifts from her the whole time I worked with her!

Other people think that if I say no to going somewhere thats not public transport accessable, it means I want them to drive. It doesnt. It means I would rather not go or rather arrange somewhere more accessable.

I hate getting lifts. Youre on the lift givers time table even if youre paying for petrol

And there is also the issue of people who like driving always wanting to go places thats a drive away and being reluctant to just go for a coffee locally

You are not being unkind just fruistrated i think that she keeps doing this. I have a friend (she can drive but hasn’t got a car at the moment) I pick her up from her house, take her home again although she lives on a good bus route and think nothing of it - but what does wind me up is she will sit there and allow me every single time to pay for the car parking. If the shoe was on the other foot I would want to pay for the car parking in thanks for the lift. I was short of a £1 once for the car parking, she gave it to me saying I could pay her back later when I got change.

She's not a friend, but a mean manipulative woman who likes others to run around after her. Stop making yourself so available.
The solution is simple, she can learn to drive or take a taxi!
I don't suppose she contributes to the wear and tear on your car, the tax, buying a new car, the fuel...!?

Does she do anything for you in return?

For those of you who feel you are losing your confidence - RoSPA do driving assessments for 'older people' - over 60 I think - it's very helpful and non confrontational - and will give you pointers if you need to brush up on anything. I'm a road safety officer and haven't done this myself (yet!) but know people that have done it, and are full of praise. Regarding other halves doing the driving - we moved to a different area 5 years ago, and without realising it, my husband started 'taking over' at weekends - he passed his test comparitively recently and it's still a bit of a novelty for him! But when I had to drive somewhere without him locally, I realised I didn't have a clue of the local area! So now I'm driving more at weekends - I have a 45 mile round trip to work every day, so I'm not out of practice generally!

I think I shall drive until I think I’m unsafe to do so.

Had an eye test a month ago to make sure they were safe to drive.

I’m 74 soon, and this year drove to Cornwall from the South East. Last year to the Lake District.

All the time I feel confident to do that and do so without incident then I shall drive. It isn’t just me to think about but imagine if I involved some other poor driver in an accident because I failed to recognise my inadequacy. I’d be mortified.

There is a difference though. I get tireder quicker now so stop more regularly and in fact did the Lake District over two days.

I neither like nor hate driving it is something that gets me from a to b.

It can make a tremendous difference to a chronically ill, disabled or frail or elderly person who is not able to drive to be offered a lift. I am in this position. I know it is a burden on the other person though and therefore I do not ask for lifts because other people may not like to refuse. But, if, on occasion, you would not mind, but it has not occurred to you to offer a lift to someone in my position, do please consider it. Some people in my position will have a blue badge, which they can use as a passenger in your car, which will help you to park more easily if you are both going to a place where it is difficult to park and that could be a little bonus for your good deed.

But I dont just dislike driving I dislike car travel.

And I think me not driving somewhat callenged those colleagues who lived as near to work as me (you could actually walk it if you had time!) Insisting they needed their car and parking spaces at work. So there may have been selfish reasons for making me look like I needed lifts!

So I dont know about the Margaret thing. But do know that people who cant imagine not driving do often think that non drivers want and need lifts!

So if in conversation you say "oh I never go to X shopping centre its too many bus changes, I go to Y shopping centre as its ons bus" then you can find yourself being offered lots of lifts to X IYKWIM.

And people who cant imagine not driving dont always believe you when you say you'ld rather shop locally or get the bus. They insist sometimes to justify their own car use!

I think people who are very attached to their cars think people who dont have one have restricted lives!

I dont feel restricted. I dont understand who some of my friends do hour long drives to walking spots! IMO you un-do the walk with all the car sitting! I really WOULD rather go for a walk that I can WALK to so these big favours they offer are not really about me..

Like you Scribbles I no longer drive as I found it so stressful. I was fine as a driver but was overimaginative as to what could go wrong so never felt relaxed and restricted myself to just short well known journeys. I feel that plenty of confidence is needed for driving these days and I knew my limitations.

My husband doesnt drive. Luckily I dont mind or our disabled son would either never go anywhere or spend a fortune in taxis. It would be nice to share the driving on a long journey but I doubt it will change. And I used to think it would be nice if I could have a drink or two if we were out for a meal or something, but as Im now off the booze due to my medication I guess it makes no difference.
However all my friends and our families drive too so I dont get lumbered with being chauffeur.

I just think I will be percieved as the Margaret quite often because people think the one getting the lift is the one getting a favour and its not always the case! Ive gotten lifts to places I didnt want to go to as a favour

E.g. a lovely friend who I dont see much of because she only wants to go places that require me getting a lift to. There is no comprimise with the location is always her choice. Usually a national trust place. She never wants to go for a nice (free) local walk! To her thats not a proper walk.

So I sit in her car so we can go where she wants to go.

I do like her company. But am I really the "taker" there?

I don’t drive, my eyesight is not good enough but I never expect people to take me places. My husband drives and if he is going somewhere and I need to go somewhere I tag along. So no Mrsnonsmoker I don’t think you are being unreasonable not to understand this friends behaviour

I think if you invite non drivers to places that are a drive away then dont complain if you are "chauffeur".

People who do drive everywhere dont give their invitation that extra seconds thought re how people will get there though. Driving to them is the default.

Whereas as a non driver, I DO make sure that my venues have parking nearby.

mrsnonsmoker: If, as you say, Margaret literally exploded when your husband drove, then surely that was the end of the problem (and her)? Or did you mean "metaphorically", rather than "literally"?

I drive, I’m only 66 for goodness sake. I try not to drive at night but otherwise I’m happy to drive anywhere. I’ll happily undertake long journeys with my trusty SatNav. Goodness me, my mother has only just stopped driving and she’s nearly 92. To be fair, she needed to stop this year, but she’s been fine driving locally for years.
Mrsnonsmoker, your ‘friend’ is a selfish user of other people. I’d lose that friend if I were you.

There was a recent survey which showed that elderly women drivers are more likely to have accidents than elderly men. This was because they were unlikely to have enough experience on the road because their husbands were bad passengers and made them feel uncomfortable when driving, hence they were reluctant or gave it up. However, as the men are likely to die first, their widows are left needing to drive but being too nervous and unskilled. And apparently it isn't just the older generation that this applies to, younger couples can have the same problem.

So you ladies who feel discouraged from driving by your spouses, think of your future. Your husband may not die first, he may be ill and unable to drive and you may have to drive him to his medical appointments - as I have to do.

I am a slightly nervous driver but I make myself drive because I know that if I don't do this I will be unable to do it when necessary. For example, between us my husband and I have had 3 hospital appointments this week. My husband is now unable to find the hospital he attends, and couldn't find either the car park or the ward he needs to go to. His driving is good, he simply doesn't recognise where he is.

Use it or lose it, ladies.

I love driving...I'm 59 and it gives me independence to go & visit friends all over the country. I recently had a knee operation & couldn't drive for 8 weeks & it drove me mad!! I wouldn't however expect people to just drive me unless it was a specific reason

Giving up driving would be like chopping my arms off. I’m 74, work part-time and drive 20 miles each way to work. Fortunately all my friends are drivers and we take it in turns to drive places. I think ‘Margaret’ is using people to save her money. Perhaps it should be suggested that she she should ‘drive this time’.

Not wanting to drive when they can drive is one thing, but actively using people because they are willing to drive them and abandoning them at the destination is very rude, over on mumsnet she'd be branded a "CF'

When I passed my test I loved driving drove everywhere but being in London didn’t really need a car especially when I got married but then the family car became a company car and my first husband drove us. When I eventually got my own car I set of full of confidence and was shocked to find things I found easy like parallel parking we’re not so easy and it knocked my confidence but I carried on driving and so glad I did. It does sound as if something is going on with your friend Especially expecting you to arrange going somewhere nice. I would have a chat with her it seems odd having and running a car and not using it.

Driving is a strange one. I did try driving lessons absolutely hated it, happy to go by bus or train. My husband drives and am fascinated by people who think he should be constantly driving me everywhere. To which I reply he is not my chauffeur. I go everywhere by bus or train and happy to do so. Of course he will drive me if needed to go somewhere, but we both have our own interests which Im happy to use public transport. I have known a couple of people who seem able to have people drive them everywhere ( even though they have a bus pass). On one occasion I asked a person why don't you get the bus? They said oh I like to go to the supermarket myself. They live about 3 or 4 stops from the supermarket, but had a friend who drove them there. I hate being dependent on other people. People don't realise if you do not use your local bus service they will take it away. They removed some bus services in my area, but the bus companies insisted no one used these routes and they know who does use them through the ticket machines. An offer of a lift is a lovely gesture in inclement weather, but thats about the only time I really accept one. I agree with another poster, that somehow folk who drive think you have a restricted life if you dont drive. If you have a bus service you can go anywhere. Of course if you have mobility problems thats a different situation.

I have always tried to encourage my driving friends not to let their husbands do all the driving. I know a few who have lost their confidence, then been 'stuck' when their DH died. Likewise I have tried to encourage my non-driving friends to learn, for the same reason. I only learned to drive when almost 50, when family circumstances meant that having two cars was essential (I passed first time, too!)
I was quite happy to drive all over the country. Eventually, due to my DH's ill health, we never travelled far. After he died I wanted to get back to having nice trips, but found that I no longer had the confidence, at 76, to tackle unfamiliar routes. I was OK with the actual driving, but finding my way around complicated junctions panicked me. Now I'm 80 and just use the car for driving in the local area. I hate having to find parking places. I have younger friends who happily offer a lift if we are going further afield, but I always make sure that I redress the balance in some way.
'Margaret' sounds like hard work! Perhaps she has a reason for not wanting to drive, but her expectations are far too high. Not offering to help out with expenses is very cheeky, too.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.