In praise of stuff

Iam64

My mother in law appeared to have saved everything, a few years before she died we moved her into a retirement property and she was so reluctant to get rid of anything, she had three vacuum cleaners, literally hundreds of flower pots, we sneaked a lot of broken stuff to the tip, and thought we’d made quite a bit of progress, but when she died, we found she had saved every programme to everything she’d ever been to, thousands of photos, most of which we didn’t recognise, sad things, like notebooks obviously designed to remind her of things, when she realised her memory was going, every available space crammed with clothes, many items unworn, dozens of pairs of shoes, still in boxes.

It was a sad job, and while I don’t intend to completely declutter, I don’t want to leave them to face something like that.

I'm with Maw as well - but my attitude has changed slightly since we cleared out our parents house. Lots of others will have done this and found themselves overwhelmed with stuff. The process was positive but it did make me look at my own stuff and I'm trying not to hang on to things like cards because they have sentimental value. Not much though, is it!

I cannot imagine what the very rude saying is that mumsnet all know about ?

Maw

Good thinking, wish I’d thought of it before, only been used here, so none of it had excessive use, I’ll definitely do that with the next batch

Too late perhaps, but for baby clothes and equipment do consider finding out if you have a local “baby bank” (like a food bank)
Clean good condition clothes sorted into age/size and gender if applicable could be a godsend to mums in need.

Purpledaffodil

I had the same problem with charity shops at the weekend, I’d had a sort out of the play room, and had a big bag of outgrown baby toys, a baby bouncer, playmat, and a baby walker, all in very good condition, clean and in some cases practically new.
We went to four shops before anyone would take it, and then they seemed very reluctant, went over everything looking for flaws I presume. We stood and watched, feeling like he was doing us a great favour!
I would have thought it was all very sellable, especially at this time of year.

I am with MawB, it has taken me 67 years to accumulate all this stuff, but god help my descendants when I croak!

I like my stuff too! I rarely throw anything away unless it's broken or dangerous. I save every scrap of fabric and knitting yarn, all of which come in very handy when the grandies visit and we get "crafty" . I "inherited" my grandmothers button box which has provided countless bottons for projects and also helped many a little child when learning to count.

With the best will in the world, sometimes passing stuff on to charity shops etc is difficult. Maybe our area is too affluent! But our local charity shops aren’t taking much at all these days and are very selective. I recently had to hawk my bags from shop to shop as they told me what they would take. Health Centre don’t want magazines. Germs they say??? When a clearance company did my parents’ house the man told me that cut glass ends up in landfill “Nobody wants it these days”
Our local tip has a “shop” which looks like Steptoe’s Yard and I managed to leave “stuff” there when we cleaned out our shed and garage. Perhaps the moral is to not acquire it in the first place? But like Maw, I do like bits with history. Dilemma!

I like a house to be lived in. However, there is a lot of difference between clutter and hoarding. Sadly I am a natural hoarder. I make it a rule now not to buy anything I don't actually need. I am working at de-cluttering where I can. I would love to return my house to being the home it ought to be, for my sake if not for the sake of my AC.

I was talking about this with my husband today. I was saying that I’m starting to feel really overwhelmed with all the ‘stuff’ we’ve accumulated. Half way through the conversation I realised that it’s only been happening over the last few years. I think I shop if I’m stressed, anxious or worried. It’s not just stuff but food. I don’t want to be like my sister who’s house feels cold and unwelcoming but I’m so fed up of spending what feels like an enormous amount of time moving stuff from one room/place to another only to move it back a few months later.

Those of you with lots of knitting yarn to use up, how about making some Twiddle Muffs for people with dementia? Your local hospital might be glad of them - mine is. Patients take them home with them on discharge.
You can use chunky or double DK yarn - I've often used both - on big fat needles.

If you Google Oxford University Hospitals Twiddle Muff there's a pattern there. Quick and easy and you can use lots of different colours.

My local hospital also asks for knitted breasts (!!!) for community midwives to use in breastfeeding demonstrations. Any colour is Ok, they don't have to be human-colour! .

Sadly, I admit to being a hoarder. I DO give books and clothes to Charity Shops, as well as donating them to (mostly) Animal Charities on facebook (and from whom I also BUY - but re-donate). I have stopped buying ornaments and have donated many of these to Charity, despite that fact that I feel guilty because many were gifts from friends or family! I compost everything compostable, and return any plastic that is NOT recyclable to the store it came from (my husband cringes when I do this). Use Fabric bags for shopping ALWAYS (and have a fold up one in my handbag). I am trying to de-clutter, have MASSES of books in the house (seven bookcases currently), but I have a garage and a loft full of other stuff (Suitcases, Christmas Tree, Baubles, Ornaments, that I get down every year) but just lots of things I'm POSITIVE will need to be thrown away, if only I could find the time.

Moggie 57 I sure would like to be able to be like you regarding clothes. Do you really throw them out if you have not worn them for a year. I have clothes I have not worn for 3 years or more. I would love to do this and only have what I wear but dont feel able to do it.

My friend's mother did a 'death clean' when she knew she was seriously ill. Mostly it was done from her armchair instructing her AC what to get rid of and where! When I visited her there were just cardboard boxes around like someone waiting for the removal men to arrive. In fact she lived longer than expected so was in 'the waiting room' for several years. Very depressing I thought.
However, I do like to keep a watch on my own clutter, especially paperwork and books.

And gentler times weren't excessive ..

They were selective- Items were manufactured to certain standards, one of which was to last long- Most items in homes served a purpose - There was certainly decor- But even the closets in older homes here are tiny compared to the walk-in closets designed to hold excessive wardrobes-

The economy wouldn't go bust if we returned to less waste but the planet will continue to suffer for sure if excess isnt curbed ..

Me too! I like vintage. It takes me back to gentler times!

Well Bathsheba, we must have been twins in a former life, because everything you said, could have been written about me & my life regarding decluttering! My Daughter who is very much a minimalist, and not one jot sentimental, can have a field day when I snuff it!

Perhaps it would be a good idea to sit down and discuss what items are of interest - Its a kindness to extend the courtesy - But if it's something a parent no longer wishes to own and maintain it would then be the responsibility of the adult child to retrieve it and not use the parents home for the storage of what they want at some point in the future- Agree to a reasonable time limit for retrieval, but if they drag their their feet .. Perhaps it's a matter of emotional attachment rather than an actual interest ..

I do not like clutter. It clutters my mind and I do believe in the maxim ”more is less”. The more stuff you have the less you see what you have. I have a friend who is a dedicated clutterer. When I leave her place I feel almost ill. There are things everywhere; on shelves, on the floor, on tables, in fact there is hardly a surface that is bare.

However, I do not want my home to be like a nun's cell. I like my paintings, mostly by local artists, my books and a few ornaments. I have candles, photos, rugs (no fitted carpets) and throws.

I'm sure some people would feel my place is a bit spartan.

We are all different. Have the home you like and where you feel comfortable and happy!

That's very sad, Madmaggie. My mother didn't do it out of maliciousness. She simply doesn't get attached to things and has never understood that other people don't feel the same way, so out they went.

I remember phoning her the day after my dad's funeral. She cheerfully informed me that she'd got rid of all his clothes that day to the charity shop! I know they were of no use to her but to do it so speedily was very typical of her.

I follow the William Morris maxim but it is a problem when someone dear to you gives you something you don't like. I'm also no cooking the same stuff as I used to - grandchildren don't visit so much and I don't do afternoon teas for friends so the fanciful cake tins and mould are gathering dust. They should go. I try hoarding by proxy giving to someone who might make good use of it. The most important thing is letting the dear adult children know what is either important or valuable as I have heirlooms and bank accounts galore. I've tidied up my Isas, now for the bank accounts.

SueDonin, my mother did that to me too, I was heartbroken. Years worth of carefully collected or made dollshouse furnishings too. All my as new condition annuals, favourite books (I'm a bookworm) my Wade collectibles too. She could be very hurtful & would punish by doing such things. She gave away many things over the years and more so as dementia took hold (even irreplaceable things dad had brought her back from Egypt, Italy during WW11) family photos were decimated by her, my old school photos - because I was "such an ugly child" even to cutting people out of photos that she'd fallen out with! Sometimes it's the links, the connections you make with 'things' not the monetary value that matters most.

Yes, I like my stuff too. Nothing minimalist for me.

But if we don’t buy Stuff, how are we going to Grow the Economy?!!