Letting go

I worry about one of mine constantly, and lie awake every night until the early hours, thinking about him.

Love you Gonegirl. Wish I were brave enough to say and do what I really think!!

You are only ever as happy as your most miserable child.
Mine take it in turns with the odd break!

I have always been there for my adult children as my mother was for me and her mother was for her but my children's generation is sooo different at least in my case. All but one were always willing to take any help I offered... food, shelter, money, advise etc and sometimes when i did not offer. Now, they will have nothing to do with me. I still worry but I worry about their children not them and wonder what their mindset will be as adults.

Yes I do worry about my ACs. I worry that they have to work so hard, cope with health problems and problems with GSs health but while I’m happy to help out when they occasionally ask for support, so far e.g when one GC is in hospital or with child care, I don’t rush in problem solving. Then I’d just worry I was doing more for one than the other.
Both ring me on a regular basis to see how we are or to ‘get things off their chests’ but when I ask if there’s anything I can do, they say that just listening is enough.

I believe you need a thick skin to not get involved in your
adult children's problems.

I seem to have been/ am in a permanent state of anxiety with my family. A feeling of never knowing the minute, especially where my 7 GGC are concerned. Mostly unfounded, but it's the way I'm made. My mum was the same but probably on a lesser level during her years compared to today.

You never stop worrying about your family even if it sometimes it gets out of hand . I'd never interfere though.

Mealybug, I too have done a lot of bailing out in my time, so much so that I never even kept a total over the years but wouldn't dream of it either seeing as I'm not destitute in any way and don't need anything but I'm certainly not as well-off as I was.

I only have one daughter who is married with two lovely children. The two of them haven't got a clue about money and I always seem to be bailing them out, even paying for a food shop one weekend because they were broke. I made the mistake of saying get a full shop and they spent £157!. He has a full time job but she looks after the children, one of whom is autistic. He decided that because he works he deserves a treat and spent £250 on a pushbike he hasn't even ridden yet, he has a car and a motorbike too. Yet when it came to the end of the month they had no money for food. So how far do you go, I can't see the grandchildren with no food but I've tried to make them sit down and do a budget to work out their finances properly.

Once you become a mother I think you sign up for a lifetime of anxiety about the health & happiness of your children no matter what age they are, which seems to increase as you get older. Then you get the grandchildren as well! I try to balance this with thinking how very lucky I am to have them all.

My sons would not be interested in my advice. I worry about them silently.

Worrying doesn't give them the best though.
Worrying actually changes nothing at all, except possibly to worry your children that you're worrying about them.

I think this is just being a good parent , who gives a s##t about there children , even if the are grown . A good parent always wants the best for there children , no matter what . I will always put my children first .

Well I worry about my two. I have since being a single parent when I wasn't able to give them as much as I wanted (mainly time, but other things too).

I still worry a lot about my DS who has suffered with MH problems over the years. I don't worry so much about my DD but wish she didn't have to work such horrible shifts for a pittance whilst trying to bring up her much longed for baby.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and worry who would look after their children if I was unable to. What a life.

At my age they worry about me.

I'm with Gonegirl. Don't know what they're up to, don't care either

Yes I worry about them all the time and also now about my GC. I am. Much more anxious about my childrens health and lives than my own. I can't help it. I remember my Mum telling me that you never stop worrying about your children no matter how old they are and I agree.

Amen to Fennel`s post.

and GoneGirl.. LOL

Gonegirl I love your attitude and would love to adopt it!( whether you meant it or not). I worry about my son who lives in NZ, he had a messy divorce and was on the phone to me daily. However now he has a lovely new girlfriend and is happy but hardly ever contacts me or even answer my texts! It’s hurtful but I suppose that’s what mums are there for, to be used when needed... he’s happy though which is the main thing I guess.
My daughter I don’t worry about so much as she has a stable relationship and 2 wonderful children who I see regularly. She knows I’d always be there for her if needed though.

Gonegirl - that really made me laugh. What a great start to the day!

Thanks, everyone. At least I know it isn’t just me. Much appreciate everyone for sharing their thoughts.

My sons are middle aged men. I do still worry about them, (especially one at the moment who has big problems), but we have to take just a little step back I think, while at the same time being supportive if they need us.

Haha. You did make me laugh. Thank you!

Yes. I worry about everything for them. They're still my children, always will be. Cut the apron strings?? What a load of tosh. Is that even possible??
I also CONSTANTLY worry about something bad happening to my Son who's cut himself off from me. It's driving me demented tbh. And no, keeping busy doesn't help.

I brought both my boys up to be independent and the edler left to go into the army at 19. The younger boy went flatting -with 5 girls! - at 17.

But it didn't stop them coming home for regular visits, talking over their troubles and having a good feed of Mum's home cooking.

In most cases they solved their own problems and I was happy about that.

BUT it didn't stop me worrying, however capable they proved themselves to be.

In later years, it's been the troubles brought about by other people's evil acts which have impacted on them and meant solving the problem has been taken out of their hands.

Sometimes, all you can do is pray, hope, wish, make a cuppa tea and tell yourself 'this too will pass'.

Pollyj I am with you 100% I wish I wasn’t like this but I am. I have one DS who has gone through 2 years plus of trauma and I have been with him every step of the way.