Need to see my granddaughter more

Granty89 you didn't say whether your son knows about your diagnosis. It is important he knows that your time may be limited and that is why you want as much time as possible with your granddaughter. Ultimately, they will be the losers here if they later end up feeling they didn't give you more of their time. Children nearly always feel a sense of guilt when their parent has gone, that they could have, and should have, done more for them, even in cases where it's not actually true.

OP I am so sorry you are so ill.
I would ask outright for more time with your GDC.
Is there a chance that you family have not taken onboard how ill you are?
I would want to see my DGC as much as possible if I was you.
That child will feel your love and if you can leave a memory box as other posters have suggested then that will have meaning for them in the future.

lyndiloo the OP has stage 4 cancer. she may not have years to look forward to that is why she is hurting.

Perhaps you could make a family tree or photo album with photos of her relatives with her and talk about her great granny / aunties etc, that would be a nice thing for her to look at in the future.

I think this is a good idea. Even though she's still very young you can create some memories for her. You have to explain that a long time ago you were a little girl and had a mummy and daddy etc. My little grandchildren were fascinated to see pictures of my mother and father. They will also love to hear stores from your past if you make them interesting, not 'I remember when....' but more of a story.

Why not make a memory box and put pictures etc. inside including pictures of you and her together. You could also get a pretty notebook and keep a little diary. Put the date and then write what you did with her that day. Was there something she enjoyed or a particular toy she liked? Did she do or say something funny? This way you will record some memories for her so she will know that she had a loving relationship with you when she was little. And you will be making the most of the time you have with her, so your hours together will not be forgotten.

I’m so sorry to hear of your illness, Granty89.

In answer to your question, we see two of our grandsons for a full day a week, when we look after the younger one and do the school runs for the 6 year old. But I’m assuming that in time this will drop off to be more what we have with the other two. We do one school pick up for them, then have them for a couple of hours.

We see more of them at family get-togethers and events, and of course if we’re needed to look after them if they’re ill, etc.

I’m very happy with this. They and their parents have busy lives and seeing them all at least once a week is a joy.

I can understand that you’re disappointed you can’t take them to see their other relatives, but at least you can enjoy having your DGS to yourself while she’s with you. All best wishes.

I feel for you.
The best way to see your gd more is to be super supportive to your son and DIL and offer them help. Try to see things from their point of view.

I don't see when children at nursery will get a half term? Presumably we are talking about a pre-schooler going to nursery when parents are at work?

I agree that most parents have a busy schedule these days and three hours is a good slice of the week when you consider all the things they have to fit in. Your granddaughter needs to go to nursery, mix with other children and have some new learning experiences in preparation for school. But what about school holidays? I'm sure you can see her more then. There are several weeks of the year when she's not at school or nursery. Why not make some arrangements in preparation for half term.

Granty89, I am so sorry that you are ill and I can understand why you want to see as much of your granddaughter while you can, but 3 hours a week is more than many grandparents manage.

There is no 'average' that we should expect to aim at. Some grandparents are bringing up their grandchildren or have parent and children living with them, others provide childcare while their parents work. But equally some see them less frequently. Those with AC living abroad may see their DGC less than once a year. Even those living relatively close may not see DGC regularly because of their ACs work pattern or travel problems, or for many other reasons.

So sorry Granty to hear you're ill. I understand you want to see your grandchildren more. Look at it this way, children can be tiring and right now, you have to think of yourself. Do you think they are 'restricting', the time the GC spends with you, only because they are thinking of you and your health. Think positive.
I wish you all the best Granty

Once a week for three hours sounds pretty good.

Don't make an argument out of it or you might end up seeing less of her. If you emphasise how much you enjoy your time with her, maybe your son and daughter-in-law will increase the time you spend with her.

I really am sorry that you are ill.

I'm sorry about your illness.
I've never met my 2 gs and saw my gd once over a year ago. It's a combination of living overseas and my children not getting on with my 2nd husband. It breaks my heart.

Grandparenting is not a competitive sport! Quality rather than quantity is what matters, and letting them know you think of them with post cards etc - getting something through the post is a real thrill for most children.

I agree with SueDonim's last paragraph. Your granddaughter is not responsible for your happiness or otherwise Granty89 , enjoy your time with her and don't fret about things,
I am sorry to hear of your cancer diagnosis, that's a tough one, I wish you well.

Great idea SueDonim, my parents often wrote little postcards to the children which they loved.
It started when we moved to the USA but continued after we came home. Sometimes there were little puzzles or stickers in an envelope, sometimes photos of them taken somewhere they knew would be interesting to the children (near farm animals, at the space centre, next to someone dressed as a bear etc)! These gave my children something to chat about with them on the phone, between visits.

I'm so sorry about your illness and I hope there is something that can be done to help.

I do, though, think you're fortunate to see your GD for three hours a week. She will also be going to school before much longer, when time for GP's will become even tighter. I see two of my GC perhaps 4-6 times a year and two others once a year, if we're lucky. Yet we have good, loving relationships with them all. I think staying overnight at 3yo is astonishing - I know that none of my own children would ever have done that at such a tender age.

As others have said, you mustn't make your grandchild responsible for your own/your mother's happiness, it's a heavy burden on her. Why not do inexpensive things such as send her postcards or letters during the week? It's maintaining contact without taking much time out from the parents lives.

Yes, Granty89 once a week is more than many of us. My parents saw my children probably 6 times a year. If they had been local they would have wanted (and expected) lots more contact and I would have made sure it was more frequent but not as often as once a week! I would have found it hard to juggle our own family needs and their desires.

I’m obviously truly sorry you aren’t well, but grandchildren are not our children and although we may not like it, it’s more important they use free time on themselves in my opinion. I do realise this isn’t an either-or situation but I love to hear my children’s families are having happy times together. It bodes well for the future when I am no longer here.

It’s sad that you are ill, but I agree with others you already see your GD very week, so make the most of that. There’s no reason a child should sleep away from home unless the parents were going out/ away is there? Perhaps you could make a family tree or photo album with photos of her relatives with her and talk about her great granny / aunties etc, that would be a nice thing for her to look at in the future.

I too am so sorry to hear of your illness, but I agree, three hours is reasonable, maybe in view of your illness, they are trying not to overtire you.

I see one set of mine frequently, l look after the youngest once a week, and they stay over fairly frequently. The other set, we probably see every couple of months, our oldest one I don’t think we’ve seen this year!

Just enjoy the time you spend with her, it’s quality, not quantity that counts.

I m really really sorry to hear about your diagnosis, that is so frightening and I can see why you are desperate to see your little granddaughter more, but I think as other posters have said it has to be what is right for the little one and for the mum and dad as well as for you and the other grandparents
She can’t be your therapy
Enjoy those 3 and a half hours they are something to really look forward to, can you ring her one evening and read her a bedtime story or FaceTime her to say night, night perhaps but yes you do have to take the lead from what her parents think is right for her
I d like to wish you all the luck in the world with your health

I’ll agree with Everyone else, once a week is actually a lot of time. It’s just not what you are used to. With regards to the visiting you used to do with her, it’s possible the parents wanted to manage those relationships. I know I would have been annoyed if my child had standing appointments without me.
Is it possible that caring times were cut down because of your illness? Perhaps they wanted to give you time to rest, and visit as a family. I think a 3 hour visit is incredibly long on a weekend actually.

Finally, it doesn’t Matter how many grand kids are on the other side. That doesn’t make their grand daughter less important to them, than she is to you. Do not bring that up unless you want an argument.

I wish you well with your cancer

It’s very understandable that you would like to see more of your granddaughter especially because of your diagnosis.

However I think once a week is reasonable now she is in full time nursery. She will only have an hour or two with her parents before bedtime and I expect she will want to spend most of the weekends with her Mummy and Daddy. She doesn’t see much of them in the week and they are the most important people in her little life. Being taken to stay with a grandparent means she would hardly see them at all.

Often adults focus on how much time they have with a grandchild without thinking about it from the child’s point of view of being “shared around”

Not every child or parent wants a sleepover either. There’s something very secure for parents and children in being together at night. It’s not a given expectation that a child will sleep at Granny’s.

Honestly, I don’t think it would be fair to your granddaughter to expect her to spend more time than once a week.

Please don't be downhearted about this situation. You see your granddaughter for 3 hours a week at present. Baby-sitting needs may well change over the next couple of years. Your granddaughter will be starting school and your son and DIL may well need you to collect her. (You never know what's around the corner - and neither do they!)

Don't make this an 'argument' with them. Make sure that they know you are always available, should they need you.

Good luck!

Once a week is very good.

When both parents work, any spare time is crucial for the nuclear family. They barely see their child at night every work day and full day on their days off. It is natural they want to protect it.

I am so sorry you are sick.
Your gc, however, while she lifts your spirits, is not Prozac.
It is a big role for such a small child and it is not reasonable to put so much responsibility on her little shoulders.

I would caution you to raise this issue with your son and dil. Pushing for more time with your gc, or even overnights, may push them further away and reduce the amount of time you currently enjoy.
Do your best to adjust your expectations and enjoy what you have.

I’m so sorry to hear you are ill.
As she goes to nursery, I assume her parents are working. That means weekends are the only time they have hours free together and with their daughter. They have two sets of grandparents to consider, if both sets want to see the child weekly, when do they get a day to just veg out or do stuff together?
Once a week really is quite a lot, do try to enjoy it rather than dwelling on the time you don’t see her. I saw my grandma about three times a year, she always felt like close family and we looked forward to seeing her.
I didn’t sleep over at grandma’s without my mum until I was about 5.
My daughter was about 3 before she slept over at my mum’s without us, she was about 5 before she slept over with her paternal grandparents, - not because they were my in-laws, but because we lived closer to them and further from my parents until she was 5 and then it swapped the other way. She only slept over with either set about once a year. It differs for all families. Often children go through phases of being more or less bothered by being away from mummy and daddy at night.
Please don’t let this blight your relationship with your son, DIL and granddaughter. Guilting people tends to make them pull away.
Seeing her around once a week is a lot more than many grandparents, you must have a lovely relationship!
They are not being unreasonable, it’s just not what you want.
I’m not a grandma yet but may be in the next few years. I am very close to my daughter, but I very much doubt I’d see my grandchild every week as my daughter works long hours in a demanding job and they have good, close friendships to maintain, as well as being close to his parents, sister, Mutti and my ex-husband etc! Life is busy!