Problem with a man at work

Tangerine it was me that never entertained workplace romance. I worked beside a couple who were 'together'. Wonderful when it was all lovey dovey, absolute hell if theyd had a row. Sadly, they didnt last. Im sure like your aunt people do meet their life partner at work. I think thats more the exception than the rule.

His behaviour is inappropriate and creepy. I would not go to a concert with him. I would not feel safe in his company. I would tell him to stop pestering you at work and report him if he does not leave you alone.

I am now applying for other jobs. Hopefully, this will solve the problem. I do believe that when you go to work you are there to work as someone is paying money for tasks to be done. I do like him but he is going about things in an awkward way and I find it confusing and at times upsetting. Best nip it in the bud so to speak. I needed to know that this situation was weird and you have all helped in confirming this. Thank you so much. I didn't want to ask people at work as I want to keep work as work. Many thanks to you all.

Ask him if wants to go for a drink , then see how you feel about him .

Lyndiloo, you’ve said it all. Nothing to add.

There’s nothing wrong with just telling him that you are very confused by his attention/intentions. If he does know all about you, then he will know that you are widowed and not in the dating game. Unfortunately that is also something that you have to be aware of, men targeting “vulnerable” women for various reasons. Chat to him, and go with your inner feelings, if something is making you feel uncomfortable, listen to those feelings. Don’t just clutch at anyone just because it would be nice to have a man around again, I’ve seen a friend badly hurt this way.

He misses you?!!
BIG RED FLAG!!!!

I too in the past have come across men who gave out very mixed signals like this, although possibly they just considered it “harmless” flirting however it’s confusing I agree,and can be hurtful if you are hoping for a proper relationship and end up feeling messed around. To be honest if someone can’t just be straightforward and avoid silly game playing they are better avoided in my opinion

seastar. Good move. However I suspect - could be wrong - that you are ready to start socialising and would suggest that the interest this man has shown in you has made you “waken” up to a new future. Why not start going out, to a hobby group, meeting friends, going to local events, talks, church and generally broadening your life. You may or may not meet another potential partner but you would make more friends and enjoy their company. You sound kind and thoughtful and have a lot to give. I wish you well.

If you find him creepy, then stick with that instinct. Whatever the reason, no-one should make you uncomfortable, especially when you are trying to do your work. Be consistent in avoiding personal conversations with him, be focussed on being busy - always a good deterrent. And looking for another job is a good idea even if you don't leave, it gives you confidence and boosts your self-esteem.

I hear alarm bells sounding. Stay well clear and just tell him you do not have time to chat. If he is hurt that is his problem not yours.

I am with Ohmother and Nannyjen, coercive behaviour, he isn't even in a relationship with you and he's making you doubt yourself, making you feel bad for hurting him, when you have done no such thing. If he wanted to see you, he should have invited you, not trying to make you feel bad for not being there

Red flags from me too.
I think you’d do well to steer clear of this particular man if your first instinct was that he’s a bit creepy. First instincts are often accurate.

If you’re looking for some romance, start initiating conversations with men you like the look of and see where they lead. You can meet nice people anywhere.

if hes never been in a relationship,then a weirdo, run.
If hes been in a relationship and damaged by it, then he may be scared of getting too close. do you like him ONLY because he likes you? tread carefully

All that people here know about this man is what you have told them about him. What we do know is that you are confused. You don’t know what to think. That is because he is giving you mixed messages. On the one hand he is flirting for England. On the other hand he is avoidant. This is very, very common on the internet dating sites where everyone seeks partners now. There are men who message women constantly and chat away and then “ghost” them and never message them again. There are men who make dates and then give excuses why they can’t keep them. There will be a reason why this man has never committed to a life partner. It is good that after losing your husband, you are now beginning to think about romantic possibilities again. But this man is not one. A man who is genuinely seeking a relationship and likes you will be straightforward. I think you are probably wasting your time by imagining this could go somewhere. Whether he is something more sinister, I can’t say. But rather than running for help from others at this point, I would say try feeling confident in your own ability to deal with this and communicating that confidence. Good luck.

Everyone is so serious about this. Lighten up OP. Enjoy the attention. It may lead to something or not but there's no harm in a flirty relationship.

If you like him just tell him you've got so much work on, haven't got time to chat right now but could meet up for a chat over coffee after work if he has the time. Take it from there, no need to panic, not a big deal just go with the flow. Could be he just wants a friend.

It's simple. The next time he makes such remarks as he misses you, or you're hurting him ask him why, and to explain himself.
If you like each other it seems silly to waste time, although I am not suggesting you invite him out or do the chasing. Let us know the outcome ?

He doesn't seem good at picking up clues and the fact that he says you are hurting him shows that he will use emotional blackmail.
However, if you are interesting which from your comment sounds as if you are a bit, he might think that you are blowing hot and cold whereas you are thinking that he is not being clear.
He has asked you out to a concert. At this stage, does it really matter if it is labelled as a date? If you like him, go and you will be better able to assess the situation and maybe make it clear to him that you like him but people are talking about him spending so much time with you at work.
If you are not particularly keen, then you need to be clear about that.

Go back through this thread and re read the posts by Ohmother, Nannyjen, Classic and Craicon. Your post sounded fine, like a bit of harmless flirting until he said you are hurting him. ALARM BELL! This person is not good for you. If you feel the slightest guilt over him he’s started the control already. It won’t lessen. Beware the October concert, he will try to guilt you into going with him by saying you’ve known about it for ages but he won’t actually produce tickets until the day before. He’ll probably say they were really expensive too, to make you feel obliged to go. He has a prior claim over any other arrangement you’ve made because you’ve known about it for so long. If he does this or anything similar you’ll know for sure that he’s a control freak and you’re wise to avoid him. Other gransnetters who’ve been in relationships with controlling partners will recognise the signs immediately. Take care of yourself Seastar, don’t be drawn in.

He claims to have missed you when you were not at the pub.Will?take you to a concert not would you come to a concert with him and finds it hurtful because, as you claim, he feels you are avoiding him. Would you like to meet this person away from work.? If so why not suggest the next time he goes to the pub let you know.Safety in numbers ?
You will then get a better idea of the person away from the shop floor and feel confident enough accepting any further invitations..

mmm I would be wary. Your putting him off is probably turning him on but he sounds to me like a bit of a player. Likes the chase. So I think you are behaving wisely. Enjoy his attentions but keep them in check. Don't expect much more. Don't get into a situation where he might hurt or humiliate you. He probably knows his worth as a single man of a certain age and is enjoying your attraction. Be very wary. He'll have to work a lot harder to get your serious attention. Stay charming. Stay in control and kind of enjoy the game.

Cwasin .
My thoughts on reading the thread
Not unusual with' Charmers'.

Tricky one. Agree with others about the "hurting me" comment. That seems to indicate that in his mind there is a relationship beyond friendship. Unless you are really attracted to him I really think it best to make it plain you are no more than work colleagues. Take care.

Run!