11 year old grandson

Most schools now take bullying seriously because it has serious outcomes for the victims.
My eldest daughter was bullied when she began secondary school. I told the school and was assured that it would be dealt with sensitively. She was then told in class to point out the bullies!

The school should take action.

I absolutely endorse Tricias advice. My GD had an horrendous time at primary school from one group of girls. Eventually, after nearly six months, and with constant pressure from her parents, the school took it seriously. She is a very resilient child, and has gone on to great things.
Harass that school Trisher. Ask to see their non bullying policy. They are supposed to keep a child safe and are not doing so. Contact the Education Dept if you are not satisfied. .
Your GD deserves a happy carefree time at school

My son was bullied by a child whose father taught at the school. As soon as I was aware of the problem I called the school, quite late on a Friday afternoon and the staff were brilliant. The bullying stopped immediately. i do hope your young grandson receives similar levels of support. It is an horrendous situation for you all.

No problem doodle I just wondered what I said wrong
You are right some schools are not as good as others about working with this however once the father has been and opened their eyes to it, he has a base line if nothing is done to his satisfaction , so hopefully it will be addressed
I hope things improved for this young man

Gillybob, when my daughter was at secondary school there was a mentoring system where year 10 pupils (14 and 15-year-olds) helped younger pupils. My daughter was one of the team of six girls and six boys chosen. The problems they helped with ranged from homework and organisation to bullying. The idea was that young people often feel safer discussing problems with people near their own age group than to adults. Younger pupils could find the mentors for themselves or teachers could notice and refer vulnerable youngsters. The scheme worked really well and the school won an award for it.

I feel for you. My middle child was bullied at school, he has Asperger's Syndrome and many of the others saw him as odd and an easy target. Such a shame as he's a wonderful human being. Gifted at computing, kind, dedicated volunteer. Honest to a degree - which brought it's own set of problems! He was hopeless at sports due to co ordination problems. Most of his teachers valued his manners and ability to converse on many subjects way beyond his years. He didn't make friends easily & it was not 'cool' to be seen with him. He joined the chess club, enjoyed astronomy, fell walking using GPS., Built his own computer. As an adult has suffered from long term depression. The worry never goes but it changes tack. Perhaps if funds permit could your gs attend a race as a spectator, or time trials, or a factory tour. I think he'd be old enough to be a passenger in a fast car on a track, and you could take photos which he could share digitally & word would soon spread as it does with kids, he would then be 'cool'. Do some secret research online to find something. I know some football clubs have anti bullying programmes perhaps you could find something in the world of motor sports (Bernie eccleston, Lewis Hamilton etc). I'm afraid you will have to be prepared to work closely with the school & not be afraid to ask for updates. Just a thought, some universities build speed cars as part of their engineering, go online for info.

Sorry bluebelle no offence intended I should have been clearer in what I meant. It was your comment that schools should have strict rules about bullying. In my experience they may have the rules but putting them into practice is another thing. Hence my comment about wishing it were true.

Speaking as a former head and inspector - your son must take this up with the school immediately. The teachers need to know about this and deal with it. The other children also need to know about what he has to cope with. Most will understand- there will always be bullies who for whatever reason continue to bully and very firm action needs to be taken about them. Please do not let this child suffer any more than he has already done. He will also need to learn how to deal with unpleasant characters himself.

Thank so much to all of your for your remarks. You have all been so helpful, and it's lovely to know there are such good people in the world. Thank you.

My 13 year old grandson is having difficulties too. He is very sensitive and suffers from anxiety and there are a couple of boys who try to provoke him so my daughter spoke to his teacher and to cut a long story short he has a pass to go out of any of the classrooms for a while until he's calm.

I think ringing up the school is fine as long as it’s to make an appointment to speak to them about this ASAP, it needs nipping in the bud. So sorry to hear this poor lad, I can’t stand bullying in any shape or form, i would def name n shame the bully. Hopefully the school sorts it out quickly. Please let us know how it goes. Trisher123

Let the school know ASAP. I had this with my youngest son who was bullied by 2 girls. I saw the headmaster and it was stopped. one of the kids parents was so apologetic and replaced all of the things that they damaged. The other parents didn't acknowledge it. I hope it all gets sorted for him. School days are tough and not always the happiest days of their lives as it should be. take care. X

School was never the happiest days of my life - I was overweight and hugely sensitive. I developed a strategy of being a ‘tough’ girl and a bit of a bully so they’d be afraid to call me names.
I hated it.
We moved and I want to a new school and the kids were just nicer, I was happier so I wasn’t ‘tough’ anymore - that was never really me, it just hurt so much to be teased, it was the way I protected myself.
I stopped comfort eating and lost most of the weight.
I wish the school had stepped in at the first name-calling stage, I had a horrendous first 2 years of secondary education. Things are different nowadays but get specific comments and names so that you can get decimate action.

There is a film called Wonder based on a true story . The little boy has severe facial disfigurements and the film shows how he and his parents cope with school and the almost inevitable bullying that comes with being different in any way . Definitely worth watching .

Sit your grandson down and tell him that you were furious when you heard he is being teased like this at his school. Tell him no-one should be made fun of for being different, whether it is for health reasons as in his case or whether they just chose to be different. Be very clear that there is nothing wrong with him - he has had some dreadful health problems but that is not his fault.

There is something wrong with the lad who is teasing him - make sure you tell your grandson that and explain that the bully is trying to make himself important by bullying.

Anyone, child or adult, who does this probably has an enormous inferiority complex, and absolutely no consideration for other people.

I was teased at school too, because two serious bouts of rheumatic fever left me unable to do sports. If your grandson cannot find a good retort like, "Well, I may look odd, but at least I am not nasty like you." tell him to ignore the other lad entirely.

Don't tell the child to talk to a teacher - the other children in his class will call him a sneak and a tell-tale if he does. Children haven't changed all that much since we were at school.

I asked a class of 11 year oldsI taught what would happen if they did what the ministry guide-lines say they should if they are bullied The guide-lines say, "Tell a teacher". They told me that that is still regarded as sneaking and you only
make life harder for yourself if you tell tales.

Fine that his father is contacting the school - he needs to put the problem fairly before the headmaster and ask to discuss it with his son's form-master or mistress as well.

An explanation to the class of why your grandson looks the way he does, might do some good. I taught a child who had been born so prematurely that the speech centres of his brain were underdeveloped, so he struggled to make himself understood. He was a brilliantly clever child, but had horrendous speech impediments. Once this had been explained to the class, no-one teased him and any child from another class who tried was stopped immediately by one or other of the boy's own class-mates.

I would like to think that something similar can happen for your grandson.

My 12 year old grandson was bullied, as a more kind, sensitive boy you wouldn’t find.... as it turned out ... too kind and too sensitive. His mother put him in the hands of a boxing coach... he has moved to secondary education with more confidence and more energy and faith in his own abilities. It’s been wonderful to watch his belief grow along with his body. Wonderful discipline as well. Your grandson might flourish with the right trainer... just a thought!

I was looking after DGS (8) whilst his parents were away this year. When collecting him from school his teacher called me over to say GS should be very proud of the way he reacted when a boy had his hands round his neck in class. What was the reaction of the school - to exclude the perpetrator from class for two hours the next day. Not from school , just class. So no hassle there for the parents! The boy involved has a history of being aggressive and a bully. We are far too tolerant of bullying and aggression. Both Education & Social Services seem to just be tinkering at the edges with these. My DH was bullied at secondary school until one day he'd had enough and punched the bully in the face. Bullying stopped. Now there would be hell to pay and the bully would probably be heralded as a victim. Hope your DS goes in all guns blazing and lets the school know they must ensure your DGS is safe and happy to go to school.

School even ....

Schoo, was most definitely not the happiest days of my life EllanVannin . I went to an all girls grammar plagued with bullies and that includes some of the teachers .

My DGS’s primary school operates a “buddy scheme” which I have always thought to be a brilliant idea and could easily be adapted to be used in secondary schools too. Basically the “buddies” wear a high viz vest with “buddy” on the back. These children tend to be quite confident and at the top end of the school (age wise), they are responsible for ensuring that no one is being picked on , bullied or excluded and will start a new game or whatever to include the left out child. Obviously it would be different with older children but even just sitting with a left out child, chatting and getting to know them and their interests would help . I am over simplifying a difficult problem but I hope you get the idea of what I mean.

I do hope your son can get some help from the school Trisher123 No 11 year old should be left feeling like this. Poor lamb.

Unfortunately this happens when children start at new schools with pupils who are unfamiliar with them but seize the opportunity to pick on them.
Your son is absolutely right to seek help from the school and they should have the suggested solutions in place. They cannot activate them unless they are informed about the trouble and many children are reluctant to seek help in school because they are then accused of 'dobbing' or 'snitching.'

Agree very much with Doodle. Please dont let this matt, er drop it can lead to many problems later on. Hope you will let us know what happens

Thinking/looking back when school was the happiest days of our lives ! Not any more. What went wrong ?

Trisher123 - there are lots of model car racing clubs about. Both my boys went most weeks for several years either with me or their dad. They loved it. Lots of children from maybe 7 or 8 through to adults.
My boys made friends there. They were accepted, encouraged and supported in this mixed group. They are not children-specific clubs so check out the make-up first. Some obviously have more children than others. An adult would need to stay with him.

They had mini races, local club challenges, regional heats and even national ones.
The combination of the radio controlled cars and computers was win win win.
Our girls didn't take to it but there were a few girls there too.
You can search here for local groups:
www.brca.org/clubs

We bought second hand cars initially. They were hideously expensive then - I'm sure they will be more affordable these days.

Good luck!

Phoning is not enough! My GD is Asperger and was tormented in her junior class for several years. The school paid lip service to no bullying but a less caring attitude I have yet to see. Encourage your child to immediately speak to a teacher.