Laziness

Ah, thank you. That's a lovely thing to say.

I suppose he can't be on the ball in everything, I should probably be a bit more laid back. (Grits Teeth!)

Miss A, the young man is an absolute credit to you and all your hard work.

So, I suggest implementing the basic rules....lay out uniform the night before and so on.

He may well be gifted academically but at 11( ?) not quite with it in other areas.

He should be able to.
He is at the the very top of the 'Gifted and Able' club.

On a practical note, drip dry/non iron shirts and 5 coat hangers.....he can do that?

You are doing a fine , fine job there. It's so annoying but there is a load of research to show the brains of young men do not fuse until they are in their early 20's.

Some of his behaviour will be down to this, some of it down to the rubbish hand of cards you have both been dealt and some of it because he can't organise himself. Just keep going, try to eat decent food, try to find time when you are enjoying something together.

When my daughter left home to go backpacking for a year to Australia, her room looked as if it had been burgled.
Unfortunately, she has always been an untidy and messy sort of person, and still is even in her own home.
However much I tried, I couldn’t change her.
Once they become adults, there is no going back.

However, with your grandson, there is a chance he can be trained to become a better adult.

Anything that you find on the floor, put it in the bin. When he asks why, you can tell him you didn’t think he wanted it any more as he’s left it lying around

I had same problem with my son who was old enough to know better. Once he had started work I felt sorry for him and ironed his clothes and put on the bed for him to put away found them in the washing later that week. Never again. On another occasion I refused to do his washing until he started bringing it down and putting clean stuff away. We had a stalemate for about a week and then I heard him ask my daughter how to use the machine. He was a bit better after that

Grandtante Yes, but. Both of my DC were responsible for dusting and hoovering their bedrooms rom the age of 8. They grew up cooking and DS was domestically accomplished and more than capable of looking after himself by the time he went to university.

Now, married with children he does most of the cooking, his fair share of the cleaning and happily loads and unloads washing machines and does washing-up, but he remains as untidy as ever.

Untidiness and domestic accomplishments can sit side by side in the same person.

He's very resistant!

I feel much better having heard how many people have had this problem, anyway, it just gets me down sometimes, like last night.

Today vengeance is mine though!

Some children are easier to train in the way you want, but others are more resistant and independant. He sounds a bright kid who may on some level be enjoying the verbal tussle or even negative attention.

I don't know your circumstances, but seems as if you've done incredibly well so far.

Children often respond better to reward than threats, but who am I to offer advice with my pseudonym??

I'm not lazy btw

My boys where exactly the same at that age,well between 10/13ish.It was my fault for always waiting on them hand and foot.
I just made sure I always had on hand clean trousers and school shirts when I stopped going into their room at least they where off to school in clean clothes.
Wait until girls come into the equasion and you will see a swift turn around.

Of course I was grandad!

Just like I am now. (Growing nose icon)

Having had three girls as our children my wife and I both found that growing into their teenage years they could be lazy and inconsiderate too.

It is all part of the frustration but most of all joy of bringing your children from baby's all the way through to adulthood.

Just enjoy the experience and think back to when you were of their age, were you perfect?

O K this child is 11, fully old enough to see the difference between clean and dirty clothes, to sort laundry into colours and to learn to do the washing! He doesn't need to do all his own washing, but he is plenty old enough to learn how to select a wash-cycle and turn the machine on.

Teach him and in about 10 years time some girl will bless you for having made the effort! My DIL is a very grateful woman I may say because I made that particular effort.

He is also old enough to understand that it is not your job to pick things up after him. Hand him the hoover and he will soon find out that it is easier to hoover if there are not piles of stuff all over the place.

That's the idea MissAd - teach him how to do his own laundry.
Our 2 boys were ok that way, but the girls just threw things on their bedroom floor. So one day I gathered it all up and "hoyed it oot the winder!"
I told them from now on you do your own washing and ironing.
I was working full time at the time, with no domestic help.

My step children’s bedrooms were awful. The whole floor was covered. I hardly ever went in and refused to clean in there. They did put dirty uniforms out so that side of things was dealt with. I left the rest to their dad to deal with, and he would help them have a blitz in there about three times a year. When stepdaughter left home she left everything behind. The room remained untouched for years until we moved house when DH had to deal with it. I fail to understand the mentality quite honestly. My sister was the same and my mum just cleared up after her. I am not super tidy, but I do like the house to be reasonably presentable.

My son has OCD and you should see his sock drawer!

Some people are intractable. I am a tidy person, DS grewup in a tidy house, but his room was always chaotic, despite me constantly chasing him.. At primary school the teacher in charge of lost property told me that when anything was handed in the first question she asked was have you asked Monica's son if it his?

Secondary school - a boys only school - the relevant teacher said 'In this job, with boys I am accustomed to untidiness but some boys stand head and shoulders above the others and DS is one of them'. University was no better.

He is now married and DDiL knows how hard I tried, but when I heard the new kitchen was complete and in use the first thing I said was 'Has DS left his socks on the kitchen floor yet?' I was joking. Her reply was 'Funny you should mention that but.......'

My son also used to put clean clothes back in the wash rather than put them away! I went ballistic when I found out. He also used to hide clothes and shoes he didn't like and tell me he'd lost them. £50 Schools shoes once!

He is a joy now though! They do grow out of it!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

"Your job to do it"? I think a lesson in gender equality is in order, never mind the clearing up!
But seriously - teach him to use the washing machine.

My own DCs weren't too bad at keeping their rooms in order but my friend had awful problems with her young teenagers. She got her DH to take their bedroom doors off at the hinges, thus depriving them of their privacy. She even took down their window blinds! It drove the kids to distraction but it had the desired effect.

This made me smile, memories. I was so fed up, I literally shoved everything under his bed, whatever was not 8n the correct place, meaning dirty washing, toys, books whatever. After about three weeks it was getting quite ripe in there. My son was getting a definite strained look on his face. Eventually he whispered and asked, mum there is a really really bad stench in my bedroom, and my stuff is missing, clothes, books, games, did I think there could maybe be an alien or someone who’d taken over his bedroom. He wanted to sleep on the sofa now. He was 10 yrs old. I let him stew a few days, he slept on the sofa! But then he left his stuff around and it to vanished. Of course it was under his bed! I finally agreed we’d clear everything in his bedroom and see what was what. He was totally shamed, gobsmacked. Yes, the stench was epic. When we moved his bed, it hit home. He started putting washing in the linen basket, Tidying up. Brilliant it worked. He’s now 49, and is still cured! So his wife tells me. Try it.

If anyone said to me, "But its your job to do it!" especially in a domestic milieu God help them. They would never ever make that remark again.

In my young and single days I flatshared with someone who persistently failed to do any domestic tasks, leaving them to me and our 3rd flatsharer. One day, as I was tidying up the living room and removing the dirty coffee cups, before friends came round. She turned to one of her friends, who had used the mugs and left the mess, who commented that I seemed to a lot of the housework, 'Oh,' she said 'its alright M0nica likes housework.'

It took me three days to find alternate accommodation, give my notice and go.

That's what I keep reminding myself when I'm clearing up chewing gum off the floor..