When the Worst Happens.

Mic74 that’s exactly my query, thanks for those suggestions.

JaniePops - if you're having nought but a body bag you'll need to organise a board to put it on or you'll look like a roll of old carpet as you are carried in!

I think it is sensible to try and sort all this stuff out while we are able to do so. I have written a will and have a 'Living Will' but both really need updating. If I were ever to come into money my dysfunctional/estranged family would no doubt crawl out of the woodwork to try and benefit from it. My long-term partner (good at woodwork) & his business partner (a carpenter) have agreed to make my coffin and I am quite petite/light so shouldn't need many to carry me anywhere! I have told them to keep it very simple and not to taste money on hardwoods/anything expensive (like brass handles etc) - I plan to leave the world in a similar fashion to the way I lived in it - simply! My partner would have to sort/sell/distribute/give away all my belongings; any moneys made are for him or to donate to our local animal rescue charity. I trust him and he knows me well enough to gauge what I would and would not approve of (and what I wouldn't care about much!) Good luck sorting out your plans - it's not an easy thing for some to do but is important.

Love it Janiepops

do you have a 'carers support' near your. or the charity Carers Uk maybe able to help. they have a forum you could post on, and I sure somebody will be in the same position as you, and hopefully offer some advice.
its a difficult one, I think from your post your meaning what would happen immediately, forgive me if I am wrong.
its so hard to plan for something like this. if you pop your glogs suddenly at home, with your husband in bed, that is the problem as I see it. if your ill for a while before you die, then something could be put in place.
does your husband have the capacity to wear a lifeline alarm on his wrist, and press it if he feels there is a problem.
its not easy being a carer and you have my greatest respect. xxx

www.gov.uk/government/publications/make-a-lasting-power-of-attorney
Rambling rose this is the official site for these forms. I did them for DH and myself without too much bother. Once you have done one, you can use the details to do a second very easily. From memory, the worst part is getting letters off in the right order so that the others involved (our AC in our case) were properly informed.

A couple of months after I had finished sorting out all my dear late father's paperwork, I decided that my 2 adult children should know more about our financial situation for when the inevitable happened.
I decided that it would be very helpful to send an email to them listing all the practical information (to be stored very carefully) that they would need if their dad and I 'got run over by a bus' (an oft used family saying) the next day.
It was very lucky that I did because after checking that the deeds to our house were still safe with our solicitors after their recent merger, we the discovered that the mortgage we'd paid up in full a few years ago appeared to have an outstanding amount of over 250K owed to the bank !!!
This massive error was eventually corrected (too complicated to go into) but imagine what could have happened if we we'd popped our clogs and our children and new solicitor didn't know the truth of the matter......

Could those who have dealt with Power of Attorney forms for themselves and their DH without bothering with solicitors please let me know where they got the forms, if there are any pitfalls or confusing bits and how long it takes to get them done.

Thank you.

November is Will Aid month where some solicitors will make a simple will for you at the cost of a donation to charity. I learned this from the money savings expert website. Here's a link to the info - www.willaid.org.uk/

Make sure your will is up to date and make Lasting Powers of Attorney (LPAs) for both of you for financial and health and care matters. You can do these at the solicitors or on line.

OP perhaps citizens' advice can help you find out what arrangements for your husband's care you can put in place to come into being if you should go before he does.

I unfortunately cannot help as I don't live in the UK.

Your GP might be the person to discuss this with too.

Basically, I assume that if your husband is mentally competent but physically disabled, it will be up to him to make arrangements for his own care, but as I say, I don't know.

Certainly, someone apart from yourself should have a power of attorney, or be joined with you in one to obviate the risk of there not being anyone legally entitled to put arrangements in place.

Perhaps the paid carer you mentioned can put you in touch with the proper authority you need to deal with.

Here in Denmark, we can make arrangements with an undertaker, lodging details of the funeral we want and even paying in advance, although most people leave the payment to be dealt with by their estate. Here wishes regarding the funeral that are included in a person's will must by law be respected, but I don't believe this is the case in Britain. It might be worth your while to speak to an reputable firm of undertakers, because although the funeral arrangements are less worrying than your husband's care, knowing they are sorted will give you peace of mind.

A solicitor should be able to help, but of course will want a fee for doing so. Your bank manager has experience of the ins and outs of dealing with someone's estate and may have come across this particular problem before. It can't do any harm to ask.

I think it is very wise of you to try and safeguard your husband's care, should anything happen to you, so I hope you find someone who can help you with all this.

I live abroad for quite a few years and had no plans to return to UK so had no life insurance etc. I had to return to UK and have now been back for 6 years. When I was working out funeral costs I knew my children couldn't afford them so the first thing I have done is, as and when I can afford it, I buy premium bonds, OK you have a minimal chance of winning something, but should you have a crisis you always have the option of cashing them in. The other thing I did went on a site called the coffin company and have chosen my coffin, one covered in poppies, when I looked 2 years ago it was £299. It can be used for burial or cremation. I printed off a picture of it and put it with the bonds and my will etc. I will leave it to my children to decide what they feel they need to do. I have said if they just want to bury me under a tree somewhere that would be fine. I do not need church services, cars etc, just simple disposal .. I hope it won't be needed for some time, but it IS all in place. My son has enduring power of attorney so I really hope I haven't forgotten anything.

If you pre decease your DH as far as care etc goes not depend on what he wants. I appreciate you may be thinking of the days immediately after you pop off but that will need to be given to someone who has authority to make decisions. If your DH doesn't have mental capacity does anyone have power of attorney for your DH who will be around after you. I've made a will and given PoA to AC to sort out between them if I loose capacity.

We keep all the stuff Hellsbelles because they remind us of happy times, but what a job our families will have clearing things away. They won't have time to consider each item. Most things will be binned or recycled. Difficult, I know, but it would be good idea to start clearing a bit at a time now, so that you get to decide where it goes. Back to you midgey, would your husband have to go into care? Has he been to a respite facility, to see how that goes? As always lots of practical advice from the GN s. Good luck whatever you decide.

How sensible you are we Are trying to get my FIL to see sense. He has made a will but no idea what’s in it. He has made provision for his partner if he goes first and will need care, she has dementia and he has POA for her. However can we get to see that we need something in place for him even keys to his house would be a start should something happen. We couldn’t get him on the phone and started to panic I set off for his house he is a good 50 minutes away and I had no idea what I was going to do when I got there long story short he called but never explained his disappearance. We have no idea of his funeral preferences I think he thinks he will be in control until the end.

I think this is very sensible.
You have the priority of your husbands on going care to think about .
I think that I would also want to declutter and start getting rid of stuff that I no longer really use or think would be wanted by my family ( everything!)
When my own mum died 6 years ago and I sorted her house, most things went off to various charity shops. I kept a few items of clothing thinking I'd make a memory bear from them ( I haven't and still have them ) and a few ornaments and such like I thought I'd like to keep . Those items are up in the attic !
I know my daughter didn't want anything then, and I'm sure she wouldn't want anything much of mine . So the question is why do we keep / need so much !

I was actually thinking more logistics. My husband spends most time in bed, certainly not safe to make a drink. He has a catheter that needs emptying regularly but as a hemiplegic that is tricky. So what happens immediately after I’ve dropped off my twig? How can I ensure that he is safe? Still not planning any ‘dropping ‘

The link that Lisagran has given above is brilliant to help you think. You can get a Lifebook from Ageuk here. www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/care/housing-options/home-safety/lifebook/

This helps you fill in all the important details that anyone might need from saving and insurance details down to things like gas bill etc.

I’ve done ‘A living will ‘ is this the same as an Advanced Statement ?

Janipops I want the same as you but ashes will be scattered in our meadow.

My DH wants to be buried where we live (it's in his will too). I must find out more about this so me or family are prepared.

Oh, and we want to buy "Green Burial" plots - must get around to doing this.

DH & I are both in our 60s and we've made Wills & LPAs. (We've seen with our parents, how important both are.) We're now each doing the "Advanced Statement About Your Wishes" (for end of life care) which is available free online: compassionindying.org.uk/library/advance-decision-pack/

BradfordLass - you did make me laugh

I had to arrange a funeral etc, estate and sale of house (DH step-mother) this year.

It made me think that I should do something to make the process easier for my DH. We married 3 years ago and made our wills and POA. But there is so much more.

I keep saying I will do it but this thread has spurred me on. Again, it's knowing where to start. I'm going to take a look at LIsagrans link to age concern.

Yes I wanted to buy my coffin - I thought it would be useful storage under my bed but daughter objected strongly!
Selfishly I am more concerned if DH pre deceases me - I am then left in a house I don’t like that is very isolated and 20+ dogs from his business which he refuses to downsize while he can. I feel very strongly forward planning makes for better outcomes