How soon did you see your grandchild and where?

If you have generalised anxiety FlyingSolo*, and it sounds as though you have, you should see your doctor. There are meds available that can make such a difference.

Do these sons and daughters who keep their newborns from their own parents actually love their mums and dads?

And don't tell me it's nothing to do with love. It is. Or the lack of it.

Something's gone dreadfully wrong somewhere. And it's so sad.

I was my first grandchild the moment she was born as my daughter wanted me there. Held her straight away as mum was in some distress. We've been close all the time. Looking after her a lot as parents working

Madgran77,

I agree it is not controlling/precious at all from the ac's side.

As an adult, we decide how to invest our time, it is not controlling from our side

If it is controlling, it is from the gp's side who decide what to do with time that doesn't belong to them.

Madgran, I agree that it isn't necessarily about being "controlling" but it can be.

Hithere

"My girls aren't the precious, controlling type who try to stop people visiting because they 'need to bond' with their newborn! They've already did that as soon as they saw their babies after the birth."

This is a very condescending statement.

Not willling to accomodate visits and family right after birth has nothing to do with being controlling and special.

It is not only a matter of mother-baby bonding. I bonded with my children months before they were born.
It is more about father-mother-baby bonding and learning to be a family of 3 (or 4 or 5, etc)

Hithere I agree. Although I sympathise with excited new grandparents not seeing their grandchildren reasonably quickly, if parents make a de vision to delay grandparent visits then that must be respected, and that decision is most definitely not necessarily about being "precious" or "controlling"

You misunderstand. I am feeling panicky. I am frightened

Have you tried to go to therapy to be able to cope?

I am not doing so well today.

Hithere, I can’t do much because the issue is bigger than me and isn’t really about me, Flyingsolo, as an individual at all.

Flyingsolo,

You have a bigger issue than your relationship with your grandchild if you have not been invited to your son and dil's home.

I would try to address and fix it first

Fizzers, I have never been invited or allowed to their home.

I think it's time to ring or text and ask if it's convenient to come and see the little one

Hithere, yes, of course, giving birth is a medical event and there is no one size fits all. Some women will have a much easier experience of birth than others and because of that no one can be sure how they will feel after the birth or be absolutely certain of whether they will want visitors or not. I do think though that personality and character will play a part in their decision as well as things like health and well being.

"My girls aren't the precious, controlling type who try to stop people visiting because they 'need to bond' with their newborn! They've already did that as soon as they saw their babies after the birth."

This is a very condescending statement.

Not willling to accomodate visits and family right after birth has nothing to do with being controlling and special.

It is not only a matter of mother-baby bonding. I bonded with my children months before they were born.
It is more about father-mother-baby bonding and learning to be a family of 3 (or 4 or 5, etc)

Giving birth is a medical event, both mother and child are patients.
The mother also needs to heal and recover as she thinks it is the best for her and how to take care of her new baby, instead of playing hostess while the baby is passed around like a football.

Quizqueen, good point. I know not all mothers feel like that instantly but yes, I'm sure a lot do. I didn't need time to bond with him, I just did.

I saw all 3 grandchildren on the day they were born while my daughters were still in hospital. My girls aren't the precious, controlling type who try to stop people visiting because they 'need to bond' with their newborn! They've already did that as soon as they saw their babies after the birth.

Thank you. I have pm'd you both

Yes of course

Of course

Bellsandwhistles and Sara65, I will need to pm you to answer that. I will do it in a bit if you are ok about listening to me?

Bellsandwhistles

I was wondering the same, why are you anxious about it Flyingsolo?

Im so sorry that you’re feeling apprehensive about meeting your grandchild.

May I ask why?

That is so sad, he should be on cloud 9 shouldn’t he?

Glammanana, oh yes, funds, I know all about the need for them. And yes your last bit about sons does seem true but I wish I believed the bit about him being happy. His health, happiness and well being are the most important things to me.