How soon did you see your grandchild and where?

I saw my granddaughters two days after they were born at the hospital. Daughter and SIL wanted the first day after the birth to themselves . Both grandparents and aunts and uncle from both families took it on turns to see the babies o the same day. They came home from hospital the day after

We were very lucky and met both our granddaughter and grandson the day they were born as did the paternal grandparents.
I too feel sorry for how you have been treated Flyingsolo?

Do you feel so unwelcome that you can’t go to visit with a present for the baby and the mum now the baby is five weeks or more, could they be thinking why isn’t mum interested (just a thought)
yes I think I would have caught a later train to meet him (if that were possible)
No I don’t think it’s fair at all and incredibly hurtful that you found out about his birth through fb but that must be down to your son surely have you fell out with him over the girlfriend ?
Although I didn’t get to see any of my grandkids very early (3 weeks was the earliest) because they were all born overseas I was kept in close contact and rung the minute ‘it happened’ and indeed my son phoned me to tell me about my first grandchild’s birth what was nearly a day prior as she was born in NZ and he said ‘you have a granddaughter born on the 7th’ and me being taken aback and brain dead said ‘but it’s only the 6th’
I hope this will ease out for you and you get to be involved with your new baby lad

I would have had a few words. Strong words. Selfish blighters.

I have no advice. I would turn my back on them.

How does a family relationship get this bad?

for you Flyingsolo.

I have never been invited to their home ever so I can't possibly just turn up.

Whaaat?! That's just odd.

Speak to your son direct. Tell him what you think of the situation. It sounds as if you have nothing to lose.

Sorry if that sounds cruel.

FlyingSolo, how often did you see the young couple before they had a baby?

GoodMama, it depended, wasn't a regular pattern. She was pregnant most of the time. And he'd come when he needed help with you name it.

Gonegirl, I'm trying not to rock the boat. The whole situation is very unpredictable in lots of ways.

Flying that’s so sad but your son has had so little contact with you even before the baby that it will be hard to forge a close relationship with them now.
Why ever haven’t you talked to your son about it?
Some new grandparents expect to be at the hospital when the baby’s born. New parents should be left to decide who visits and when.
Grandparents have no “right” to visit but should offer help and presents and love.

You're more patient than I could be FlyingSolo. But I can see where you're coming from. Hope situation improves soon.

Some people prefer just to post the birth announcement on Facebook because it's easier for them than phoning everyone personally.

Some new mothers aren't comfortable entertaining company when they're tired, sore, bleeding, and trying to start breastfeeding - especially because we now recommend breastfeeding on demand, rather than on a schedule, and some babies need to be fed every hour. (Seriously. This is called "cluster feeding" and is normal in a newborn; it does not mean the mother isn't producing enough.) They want time to bond with their new baby and have some time to adjust to being new parents. Keep in mind, too, that many parents have limited maternity and parental leave, so they may want to rest and enjoy the limited time they have to spend with their baby before they return to work.

Really, there should be no expectations from the GPs about when they "should" be notified and when they "should" meet the baby. It's whenever the parents are ready.

FlyingSolo, you must be so hurt. I couldn't bear to be in your situation.

I think all families are different and it's different when it's not your daughter.
I was at the hospital when my DIL had her C section at my son's request, as her own parents couldn't be bothered to be there, despite being asked and told it was a "touch and go" situation.
My son just just needed moral support. .

We saw our DGD the following day in hospital, as my daughter in law had been too unwell to have visitors after delivery. We would never have forced ourselves on them, but it was my son and DIL's wish that we came to see the new baby as soon as was practical.

I spent a lot of time after the birth, helping my DIL, as she was still very unwell and unable to look after the wee one.
Once again her own parents couldn't be bothered, despite living ten just minutes away.

I too realise how lucky I am, my other children are also very much involved in our wee granddaughter's life.
My friends are in a similar position with their grandchildren. Naivelly I may have taken it for granted that all families are like this.

However, I suspect that if my other son has a child, I will hardly ever see the baby. My future DIL is a very forceful person, who demands that my son spends most of his time with her and her extended family. That's his choice and I have to accept that.
They are probably more fun than us anyway.!

FlyingSolo I hope your situation improves.

I'm so sorry for your situation, FlyingSolo. Both my DD2 and DS and their partners warned us they wanted to have a few bonding days before they had visitors when they had their first babies. Luckily for us they completely changed their minds once the babies were born and we saw them both the same day. Five weeks is a long, long time. And finding out about the birth on Facebook is just awful, very unkind imho. I really hope things improve for you.

I've seen all 4 of mine either in the day off birth or the day after. Two for my son and his wife and two for eldest daughter and husband.

Very sorry that you've not had the best experience. That's awful to find out via Fb so long after.

I hope you manage to catch a glimpse soon. Its such a shame that what should be a time off great happiness is playing out this way.

I wonder how old I was when my grandparents first saw me. One of my grandma's had over 20 grandchildren in the end. But being told properly about the birth of a baby is so special. I remember all these years later exactly where I was when my dad told me my brother had been born and I was only a little girl. You don't forget these things. I don't remember meeting him though although I think I remember my dad buying flowers to take when we went to the hospital. Never mind, I am not feeling as hurt as I first did when I saw the facebook post.

DDil had her mother present at both births. We were contacted when she went into labour and when she was admitted to hospital we set off on the 4 hour journey to their home. We saw both babies within 24 hours.

We always stay with DDiL's mother when we visit so we were no burden on the new parents. We went home after 2 or 3 days. and didn't see either child for another couple of months, although we got plenty of photos.

I saw my DGD a few hours after she was born.

I’m so sorry.

I was at my granddaughter's birth so watched her come into the world and it was so emotional and special.

I can't imagine how hurt you must feel. I really can't get my head around situations like this. Only you will know the full nature of the relationship you have with your son but I really wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut ?

If she had a C section she may still be in and out if hospital herself at this point so not up to having visitors she doesnt really know.

Notanan2, I have been told she's recovering well, she's obviously driving again if capable of bringing the baby to the train station and plenty of other people have met the baby now.

FlyingSolo, I know it’s very hard. But please try not to compare your experience with that of others.

Every family and relationship is different and i fear you are hurting yourself further by comparing to others.

Like another poster said, only you know they relationship you have with your son and his girlfriend. The baby is still very new.

Please be patient with them and yourself. The good news it’s babies dont spoil so you have plenty of time to build a relationship with the new family.

Please don’t let this time determine the future of your relationship with them.

Give them time, be patient. Offer your congratulations and happiness to them.

Wait for your son to reach out to you. Go slow and steady.

You can’t expect a different relationship with them over night just because they had a baby.

GoodMama, I wish things were that simple. I posted just to see if people thought that part of the situation could be considered normal. I am concerned but more at peace than I was. Babies don't stay babies though. You can't pause time.

I admit I am sad but I am not too bad, would probably feel worse though if it wasn't still summer and we was nearer to christmas.