AIBU

Please let us know the outcome, if possible

I think the friend sounds very cheeky, but I think a handbag is quite a personal item, and it seems a bit weird to me to give it away

I can’t see it’s worth all the bother of trying to get it back unless you’ve got time on your hands

This is rather sad all round. If she is your friend then please talk to her. She may have some horrid financial problems. I do agree that once something is given away it totally belongs to the new owner lock, stock and barrel. Hard to bear sometimes but such is life methinks.

I would ask somebody else to buy the bag for me. Then when you see your friend she won’t know that you have bought it, if she is the seller. And you can say so and so bought it for me because I missed my old bag that I gave to you. You will probably know if she is the seller by the handwriting on the parcel

I would contact the seller if it is your so called friend I would have to say something probably "if you no longer want the bag I gave you I will have it back if you don't mind"

Big assumption it is your friend. I’d take Alex up on her offer or get a friend to find out. It would be a pity to lose someone who has been such a friend without being sure.

You will never know for sure what the circumstances are unless you ask. Did she realise it’s value and intend to sell it all along or did she just really like it then discover its value by chance and decide she needed the money more than the bag? Either way she seems to need money ( assuming it is her) . I would not let it spoil your long standing friendship by making assumptions.
There are many other explanations - perhaps another friend of hers admired the bag and your friend gave it to her and it is that friend who is selling, or someone she looks up to has one like it but that person, when she saw she was being copied, sold hers!
You could call her for a chat and mention in passing that by a funny co incidence you have seen a bag like yours (now hers) on ebay. The question is, do you value her friendship? Do you want to embarrass her if she needed the money? Maybe this is how she makes a living!
As your husband says, you gave it to her. Don’t spoil that loving, generous gesture by regretting it.

Too right.

I wouldn't have given her the bag just told her where she could buy one. And if I had been your friend I wouldn't have accepted it. Have you given her things in the past like that? If she had sold it it's rude but if you gave it to her then really it's up to her what she does with it. Perhapscshe thought you didn't like it that much because you gave it away so easily.
I would stop giving her things you own when she admires them.

Maybe she liked the bag in the first place, then it turned out not to be what she thought it was.
Then maybe some one else said why not sell it is worth money.

Mmmmmmm! Not much of a friend is she? I think she knew exactly what she was doing! She took advantage of a situation where she recognised a valuable item, played on your good nature and well and truly ripped you off!

I would just ask her straight up

Oh, Jeanlizzie, you have to tell us how it turns out, I think we all need to know!

My daughter-in-law was constantly borrowing clothing off me, and never returned it. I went round to visit her one day and she was dragging stuff out the bottom of her wardrobe to put on a car boot sale. I lent her the stuff, and certainly would not give it to her. She is known as a ‘ligger’ in common parlance. Always seeing what she could get out of peop,e whilst giving nothing herself. The fact that you gave away a handbag could be interpreted by your friend that you weren’t that fussed about it. Contact her and say if she doesn’t want it anymore would she consider giving it back. Problem is, legally you gifted it to her. You’ll have to rely on her good nature to retrieve it. If she doesn’t, ditch her as a friend. She might be so shocked you’ve spotted her selling it she will gift it back.

It is obviously causing you distress, which is sad. But it would perhaps be sensible to remember the possibility that it isn't your friend selling the bag.

I don't find it odd you gave it to your close friend especially as you say Gonegirl you only paid pennies for it. I have done the same in the past. You are obviously a very kind lady and gave it away with a good heart. Her 'Karma' will be losing a very kind and generous friend, so although it hurts at the moment losing the friendship it will hurt her more when the money she makes on the handbag is gone along with a dear friend. Onwards and Upwards Gonegirl

hmm! interesting options here,

I tend to take the view , when I give, it is theirs.. but this does seem strange for a "friend" I would have like any friend of mine to tell me they wanted to sell it!

but then the definition of friend seems different for different people

I would put in a high bid then when l won the bag l would pull out. I would day something like ‘Just realised its the one l gave you, next time just ask for money’ . Two can be underhand !

This could be a total coincidence - is it a popular make and style of bag being sold in a populated area? Have a look at the account that is selling the bag. You can see their user nickname and how long they’ve been on eBay. You can also see other items they’re selling and have sold recently. You can read all their feedback, both as a seller and buyer. Does all of this add up to your friend?
If you are then convinced it is her, the issue is, in my opinion, whether she knew the value of the bag and conned you out of it. If she only wanted it because she thought she could make some money on it and pretended to really like it simply to get it from you, then that is despicable. Whether that kind of behaviour is acceptable in your friendship is then up to you to decide.

It sounds like the friendship has come to a natural end anyway from your further comments. And sometimes people do such a succession of hurtful things, that you really have to call it a day. I would move on..

I would tell her you have seen the bag on eBay and that you always loved it and only gave yours to her as she is a dear friend and that you are thinking of bidding on it. See what she says. It might not be her selling it. I done think I would have given my bag away but then ai am a meanie x

If it was me I would want to know if she was selling your bag. Do you think she would tell you if you asked her. If it is your bag ask her for it back (obviously don't pay for it).

Is there not an option to contact the seller (right hand top corner on the page)? I had a pseudonym I used to buy things so I'm not sure your full identity (or hers) would ever be revealed. However, as a note of caution, I bid and won 2 Gudrun Sjoden dresses on sale in Orkney when I was just about to move back to Orkney so I arranged to pick them up the week after we were due to arrive. Imagine my astonishment to find that the seller was my old neighbour from our first home in Orkney in the 1970's !!! What I am saying is that it may just be a weird coincidence....

I think you should buy it. No need to say anything unless she does (very doubtful), if she does say anything you can simply say you missed having the bag so replaced it!
Then get out of that so-called friendship as quickly as possible.

Jeanlizzie, I think you should reply to the advert to buy the item and maybe say to the seller I had one just like it which I gave to a dear friend because I care for her and she liked it. I really liked the bag so I am delighted to see one of the same for sale and I would love to replace the bag.

If it is her and she is a genuine friend she should contact you direct and give it back to you. If it is her and she doesn't or worse still takes money for it then she definitely needs binning.

Good luck and keep us posted. x