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Does anyone else still feel a bit lost without their Mum?

(138 Posts)
Kandinsky Sat 20-Jul-19 20:22:51

I’m 56 & my Mum passed away 5 years ago, yet I still feel a bit ‘lost’ & uncertain about everything.
My Mum lived to a good age & I know ‘that’s life’ but I just never imagined life without her.

Does anyone else feel the same?

omega1 Sun 21-Jul-19 12:55:50

Surely your mother is still with you, inside of you. Her thoughts, ideas, personality, etc stay with you, even though she is no longer with you physically. You can even talk to her because you knew her so well just as if she is still here

Carlos66 Sun 21-Jul-19 13:02:28

I miss my mum still very much and she passed away when I was 35 and I'm 52 now. She was a beautiful soul. I wish I could talk to her all the time❤

Marilla Sun 21-Jul-19 13:04:48

Kandinsky, I’m sorry you are feeling so lost without your mum. There is an enormous hole in your life and those feelings of being lost and uncertain are all part of grieving.
I might suggest you be careful not to slip into a depression.

I have read lots of advice and at times it can be helpful.
Just writing out in a notebook why you miss your mum might bring you to tears, but it also allows you to indulge in those feelings and then put the book away until the next day. Wipe those tears, make a cup of tea and relax. Then make yourself get up and do something even if it’s just wash the cup and saucer,

Let us know how you are.

Loislovesstewie Sun 21-Jul-19 13:28:34

Yes, it's 51 years ago that mum died. I still miss her and think about her every day. I was a child so never got to have adult conversations with her , I wonder what we would have talked about , what advice she would have given ,lots of things.

pen50 Sun 21-Jul-19 13:40:22

Twenty-two years since my mother died and I still miss her - as does my dad even though he's had two more wives since. She was an exceptionally lovely person.

grannytotwins Sun 21-Jul-19 13:44:46

I was just 40 when my mother died suddenly at 68. I’ve lived longer than she did now. Although it’s over 29 years I miss her so much. I had my dad for another 17 years and as they grew up together as children, they were next door neighbours, he really suffered with her loss and I was his support. I could cry now thinking about her.

Horatia Sun 21-Jul-19 13:50:13

Willynilly. Well said.

MiniMoon Sun 21-Jul-19 13:53:44

I don't really miss my mum all that much in a physical sense. I miss not being able to ask her things family related. She was the one I went to when I wanted to know what was going on in the wider family, cousins and their children for example. She anchored everyone, and without her I'm rather adrift.

wicklowwinnie Sun 21-Jul-19 13:57:17

My mother was the centrepiece of a very large family. After she died over 20 years ago the family disintegrated. She had kept the family together and would be very upset if she knew how things were now.

All the childhood and later grievances came to the fore and nothing has been the same since.

Madgran77 Sun 21-Jul-19 14:02:15

My mum died 11 years ago. I still miss her particularly when I could do with talking things through with her and hearing a dose of her wisdom!

EthelJ Sun 21-Jul-19 14:35:38

Yes I do, mine died nearly 11 years ago but I still think about her almost every day. Maybe even more now than when she was alive I took her for granted when she was alive and didn't really think of her as a person on her own right, just my mum. Sincw she died I have thought alit about her difficult life and how I didn't consider her feelings as much as I should have.

Poppy11 Sun 21-Jul-19 14:47:27

Kittylester
I too envy people who have a relationship with their mothers.my mother is still alive but I don’t have or want any contact with her. God bless you all.sorry this is short but this is my first chat.????

Shoequeen53 Sun 21-Jul-19 14:47:36

My dad said my mum was the finest human being he ever met. He was absolutely right. She was my best friend. They died, six months apart, in 2015 and the hole they left in my life is huge. I wish so much I could spend one more afternoon with them. As it is I think of them both every day.

FlexibleFriend Sun 21-Jul-19 14:49:35

Hardly, I was just 14 when my mum died at 48 after two long years of illness. Of course I felt bereft at the time and have felt pangs of sadness at all the milestones in my life not having her there but I've got on with my life as tbh I've mainly known life without my parents. That doesn't mean they haven't massively influenced my life because they have. Those two years when my mum was ill involved a lot of talking between the two of us as we knew what was coming so she did her best to prepare me for life. I think she did a great job.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Sun 21-Jul-19 15:49:32

I admit I don't miss my mum hugely. She was nice but we weren't super close. She died at 77 and it must be around 14/15 years ago. Dad lived another 17 years and somehow muddled along.
A coincidence is that FIL died at 76 and MIL was on her own for a similar time. Mum and FIL did all the finances and practical stuff so when the other was left they didn't know how to cope.

Luckygirl Sun 21-Jul-19 16:07:09

Emelle - "I can never remember sitting on her knee or having a cuddle and she never told me she loved me."

That about sums it up. It takes grit to rise above that - I am heaving with grit!!!

harrigran Sun 21-Jul-19 16:24:02

I can never remember being kissed or cuddled and the first person to tell me they loved me was DH, I consider my life started at 17 when I met him.

Oldandverygrey Sun 21-Jul-19 16:26:19

My mother died 11 years ago, she was a wonderful person and had great faith, so I know she has gone to a better place, but I miss her very much.

Lessismore Sun 21-Jul-19 16:30:41

Very difficult. Mine is still alive but much changed and has just altered her will.. It's not easy.

KatyK Sun 21-Jul-19 16:32:08

I could have written your post harrigran

Barmeyoldbat Sun 21-Jul-19 16:37:00

Miss my mum, absolutely not BUT I do miss my dad.

BlueSapphire Sun 21-Jul-19 16:38:36

Emelle, you have described my mother to a tee.

Bijou Sun 21-Jul-19 16:39:46

I don’t miss my mother. She was a hard deceitful woman and liar. She never helped me when I was homeless with a small baby just after the war but helped my sister get a Council house by making false declarations. She deceived and was unfaithful to my father who was a very honest man.

Nanny27 Sun 21-Jul-19 16:48:12

My lovely mum is 94 she has heart failure and dementia. I so miss the strong confident mum I had. I miss our phone chats and the times she came to stay. I still visit her when I can and try hard not to cry at the shadow she has become.

KatyK Sun 21-Jul-19 16:52:16

My mum had a very hard life. She married a horrible man who beat and abused her. I don't think cuddling children and telling them she loved them ever entered her head. She was too busy trying to find the means to feed and clothe us. I always had the feeling she didn't like me. sad