Visitors

Sorry but in my opinion there is over reaction on to who and when you should receive visitors into your new home.Why the hard and fast rules?
Quote. My husband manages his relationships I manage mine????????? How can anyone live like this

I think that you should respect your husband's wishes. He knows them better than you. Maybe they are judgmental or gossipy but you don't see that side of them. Maybe they make him feel a bit inferior.
Whatever his reasons he is entitled to his sensibilities and I don't understand why you would want to over-ride them or why you think that your feeling are more important than his.
You say that you don't understand that it matters but you know that it does and I don't see why you would want to upset him.

It is her DH brother, not her relationship to manage.

The one time you shouldn't worry about how the house looks is when you've just moved. Reminds me of when my mum had to hold a WI committee meeting in our house. She cleaned for a week and bought new sherry glasses. She'd made dainty sandwiches with the crusts cut off. I was supposed to stay outside and play. Being curious I crept into the kitchen and saw the crusts on a plate which had been cut off the sandwiches. Clutching a handful of them i stepped into the meeting and said "can I eat these, I'm starving". Poor mum was mortified at this image of her starving child.

My husband manages his relationships I manage mine????????? How can anyone live like this

Quite nicely actually. We each have relationships with the others family, but it’s ultimately his call if we invite his family over, just as it’s mine if we invite my family.

I’d be completely resentful and angry if my husband invited my family over when I wasn’t ready just because he thought he knew better.

For some, it is important to defend status within the family. Untidy home can be taken as a poor show. I couldn't care less, take me as I am however for many ......

Might there be some tension between OH and BiL?
Has BiL said something previously when OH hasn't lived in a perfect environment? Some cutting remarks, possibly?
I know someone who is OCD. You are not allowed to sit on the sofa as it will squash the cushions. It is not a welcoming environment. She gets stressed visiting other people's homes, especially if they are not "up to her standard". Having her visit you is stressful for everyone, especially when the little remarks come out.

Let them come, then they can see your home before you’ve had all the work done - and then marvel at it when it’s finished!

I can understand the point of view of DH of OP, but I wouldn't agree with it. Perhaps there is still some lingering sibling rivalry - maybe DH is afraid that his brother will start telling him what to do.

Something similar happened to us (except that we hadn't only just moved into our house!). DH's younger brother from abroad came to visit. He and his wife spent most of their visit telling us all the things they would have done to our house if it had been theirs, with a strong implication that we were failures as home-makers. Needless to say, their own house is like a show house. Even the kettle is kept in a drawer, but it is not a house to relax in!

I should add to the above, that we took said BiL and SiL to visit our local NT stately home. I said to my SiL that despite its understated opulence, it had a lovely comfortable feel to it, the sort of rooms you could actually live in. "Mmmm", she said doubtfully, "I'd want to change a lot of the furniture, though".

Sounds like DH is worried about what his brother and wife will think of the new house? Why? Is there a bit of sibling rivalry going on perhaps?

Yes Evie I think there may be, although dh would never admit it.As I say I don't understand it i haven't got any siblings but i have seen a bit of it between my own sons, so maybe it's common in men, them being more competitive than us. It's just daft I couldn't care less, but maybe I do need to take his feelings into account. I won't be inviting them unless he agree's.

The truth will set you free.