In total panic

What's the worst that can happen? I don't think locking all the doors necessarily makes you safer. I realise insurance companies - bless them - won't pay out.
When burglars are determined they break in anyway.

In the bad old days when we left our dog or occasionally children in the car for 5 minutes we always left the door unlocked in case there was a fire and a passer by had to rescue them.

annsixty Don't be silly.

Yes Monica exactly,

when I can erase my promise from my mind
‘I will never lock the door my darling, day or night ‘ , I will lock it but cannot do it yet

Try not to worry anymore Annie. Have a peaceful restful evening. x

Poor Annie suffering from a long traumatic time, long before her D died , and now subjected to vilification by unfeeling people who have lived untroubled lives.
A dysfunctional family is so hard to deal with, I know to my cost.
It does make me empathetic to others in a similar situation.
Thank God those of you who criticise have never been there.
You are so lucky.

Thank you all so much,x

I was so distressed this morning, and was facing going from the bungalow for an x ray , been arranging my mother in law’s funeral and things just piled up, sorry.

I phoned the one person I know here, he gave me details, my younger daughter arrived today, she went to the library
and checked back issues of the local paper, what my neighbour told me was correct. My neighbour will speak to the warden tomorrow, because I don’t know anyone in the
Cul de Sac I didn’t know there is a procedure regarding the woman .

My son in law who isn’t has called and fitted a very strong door chain .

I was distressed because the lies were so horrible, and using my darling daughter’s death as an excuse to ask questions , she went too far.

My younger daughter lives a five hour drive away so no point in her having a key our taking regular walks with me .

Again you were all there for me when I reached out, and I
thank you. X

How?

Perhaps Annie should consider her options and consider what she puts out here.
Clearly some of this could make it very easy for her to be identified.

Sorry to talk about you AB!

Hmm Monica. I'm not sure Annie is that "damaged". She has still got all her marbles!

I think front doors should be locked 24/7 when an older person is home alone.

Remember, Annie has been leaving her door unlocked, I deduce 24/7, because when her daughter was deeply mentally ill she wanted her to be able to get to her at any time of night and day, in case if she found the house locked, she would walk away and possibly commit suicide, which, tragically, she did eventually do (commit suicide, not find the door locked.

Not locking the door has since taken on an almost religious meaning for Annie, in relation to the death of her daughter, a symbol of how far she would have gone to protect her if she could. So locking the door means far far more to her, than the sensible obvious thing to do it is to the rest of us.

That Annie must lock her door, for all kinds of necessary safety reasons is obvious to all of us, but she needs to be gently helped to overcome this deeply embedded feeling that locking the door is so connected with her daughter and her openess to help her at any time in any way, that locking the door is a rejection of her daughter and all she would have done for her to save her.

Gonegirl I don't think the OP is saying she leaves her door unlocked at night - I assumed it was just during the day, I know several people who do the same

Oh for heaven's sake! Locking your door at night is simple common sense.

Gabriella there are ways to talk to people without sounding like you are being hard, dictatorial and without an ounce of compassion Presumable you’ve never felt vulnerable or scared, well done to you
If you think your comments are just good solid common sense that’s not how they come across
We re all different and you obviously think the no nonsense direct approach is the way to go but if someone is down or feeling vulnerable I can assure you it’s not helpful

Grammaretto, only at night. To guard against burglars. Don't you do the same?

Hello Annie I have only just seen your thread
I am so sorry your space and calm has been invaded.
I will send a PM.

So the poor woman has to stay in her locked house with shut windows in case someone breaks in?

GabriellaG is talking hard common sense, and there is a time for that, and it is now.

Leaving a ground floor door unlocked is very dangerous; an elderly lady was murdered near here by a sneak thief who walked in through her french windows, opened because of the heat, from a communal garden for the flats she lived in.

Very hash comments to Annie, i feel.

Have you never felt afraid Gabriella? Obviously, if Annie could accept this and deal with the situation herself she would not have reached out to ask for advice.
Try the community officer at your nearest police station, Anniebach or call 101. They can be surprisingly helpful as I found after a scary road rage incident.

Gabriella We all know Anniebach is going through a difficult time, whilst you may think your views would be held by "any right thinking person", others have greater compassion. Unless you are in the same position you cannot begin to understand her feelings. No doubt you will say you would handle things differently, but not everyone is like you. The way we each handle grief is different for each one of us.

Anniebach, try not to worry too much about this. With luck the woman will not come back, but if she does please keep your chain on and don’t engage with her, just tell her you’re fine and already have family keeping an eye on you. I’d agree that you should let your local police know about the conversation, just so that they have a record of it. But yes, they will definitely advise you to lock your doors, and deep down, Annie, you’ll know that this is the right and sensible thing to do. Please start doing it and look after yourself.

yes i think we should be kind to worried posters

BlueBelle
No more hard-hearted than everyone else who exorts Anniebach to lock her door.
A woman called once and the OP was upset by the conversation from that person.
I know full well which daughter was meant and it wasn't the one with horses and dogs.
Anniebach is a mature woman, as are we all, but to complain about being fearful of this woman who has an alleged history of drug use and annoying previous tenants (according to the OP) but leave her front door unlocked seems madness and any right thinking person would have to agree.
If being sensible is being hard-hearted then so be it. It's not my slant on things or should we tread on eggshells with certain posters?

Gabriella you come across as a hard hearted woman

Annue can I ask you one question do you leave your door unlocked so your living daughter can get in or is it a emotional reason that somehow you fear you are locking your daughter that died out of her home
Please get a lock and give your living daughter a key, your daughter that died would never in a million years want you to be unsafe she adored you She would be the first to tell you to lock the door I could never sleep at night with my back and front doors unlocked
Don’t entertain the lady at the doorstep she may need help support or company but that doesn’t have to be you to give it
Please do look after yourself and don’t feel you are being silly or overreacting, you are not
Keep talking to us xx