Would you ask?

I read that post on Mumsnet and couldn't understand why the mum was annoyed. She should be providing food ,nappies etc for her child. She could have provided a months worth at a time. I looked after my friend's grandchild a few days a week from he was a baby as his mum was young and needed to work. All she provided was nappies I had to but everything else because she always " forgot" them. It actually got acbotvmuch as I was doing her a favour and it was costing me every week. Never even got a bunch of flowers on my birthday. Never a thank you.
Years further on when my grandchildren come to stay I have everything here for them. My daughter will send nappies and wipes often but I buy them too.
I think if I was having as many children as abo peep I would be saying , " Could you just bring what you think they would like for lunch and dinner as Im on a limited budget" I'm amassed at the mum/ mum's who don't think like that.
I also know I don't have the energy to look after children the way I used to do even five years ago. Things change,we get older and you might have to say to you DD or DDil that you will have to negotiate child care as you are finding it hard going now. Why doesn't it enter their head that it's quite a lot to ask some to do six days a week?

It's not grandparent abuse - how ridiculous.
BoPeep, you need to stand up for yourself. Tell your AC children what you need in order to watch their children. There are plenty of options you can work out with them.
What you cannot do is say nothing and then complain about it or put yourself into financial dire straits and harm your relationship with your DH.
It might be uncomfortable, but a conversation needs to happen. Offer them a couple of options that you are comfortable with - either they provide food or payment to you.
Don't leave it up to them to create and suggest a solution. Give them two options that work for you and ask them to choose.
If they react poorly then that is on them, not you.

I would ask the parents to send them with a packed lunch ansd that would save you the time and money preparing lunch . Also the food sent will then hopefully be food they like. Hopefully no washing up either just put any uneaten food back in their picnic bag. As children expect to be offered activities in the day it's not just a matter of watching them but keeping them occupied and happy.

The way things are, the OP is a childminder, though not registered. Perhaps she could approach Child Services at the local council and find out about registration. As she has her GC more or less full time, her home must be quite well equipped to deal with them. She could then inform her AC how much they are saving by taking her so mercilessly for granted.

MOnica all I asked originally was would you ask for parents to provide a little food to help out over the summer holidays after reading a post on mumsnet I was a bit hesitant, but like a lot of discussions on here they change topic. Nappies milk etc are already provided.
My children are no way selfish people, I have never spoilt them in anyway and I resent the assumptions that you are making.
Like I said earlier what you do for one child you do for others it’s only fair.
Yes I am 10 years older and my health is not as good as when I started but while I still can do it I will.
Thank you all for your advice, I am going to have a talk with my daughter in law, and see what she says.

When you say ^ I actually think this women needs to be grateful that she has free child care, but thats just my opinion though.^ referring to your I actually think this women needs to be grateful that she has free child care, but thats just my opinion though.^

Bopeep14, I wonder why your son should not be grateful too and the other parents of the children you care for - they are not all your DIL's and DS's children are they?

You sound resentful of your DIL but not of your own DC.
That doesn't seem very fair.

sorry, I don't know why that copy and paste repeated. Hope it makes sense.

I will also add, it's not free childcare. It's costing her a good relationship with you. She just doesn't know it because you haven't said anything to any of them.

I was so glad you said you were going to speak with her. Fair is fair, like you said, be sure to speak with all of your adult children, not just your in-law children or your DIL.

No they are not all from one family.
The reason I talk about my daughter in law and not my son is that he suggested nursery 2 days a week, but his wife wants consistency in the child’s life like she had with her other child ( not my sons child) so it is all or nothing as far as she is concerned, and they can’t afford full time nursery. So yes my son is grateful but doesn’t really agree with his wife, on this one.

It's very rare that I go on mumsnet but I did actually see that post and thought how ungrateful the poster was. She should have supplied the child's nappies etc without even thinking about it. She sounded very spoilt and 'entitled'. The thing that I actually was surprised at was that most of the people who replied to her post were suggesting that she should stop them caring for her child immediately. Honestly, some parents have no idea how lucky they are. My daughters all supplied the necessary equipment. Anything I ran out of I would buy but it was very rare for this to happen. I was so annoyed by the attitude of her and other posters I had to come off the site.

Pat1949

That sounds horrible, can’t people communicate any longer without having to be so extreme about everything?

When I look after my grandchildren, my daughter supplies everything for the baby, for the older ones I’ve never expected her to pay for food, or outings, or anything else, because at the moment, I can afford it, if I couldn’t, I’d like to think we could discuss it without falling out about it!

New baby DD is breastfeeding and tired but doing really well. However SiL is doing nothing at all regarding baby.
Advice please to say something or leave well alone. My husband thinks he should speak to him to advise and guide.

Don’t even think about it abuelana.
Let your DD and SiL work things out for themselves.

Agree with janeainsworth, keep out of it.

I actually envy you Bopeep14, my first grandchild is due but I doubt I'll see him 6 times a year, let alone 6 days a week You asked a simple question & the judge and jury answered without knowing the full facts. We have two of my husband's grandsons once a week and are ok but I think you should ask your son if they can help with the cost of food.

When the kids are small it's far better if mum sends them with their food. When they are older not so important. But nappies??!! How am I supposed to know the current size for starters? Wipes? Send them with the nappies. Overall mum should send them with everything and be thankful. Mum in question not mature enough to see not giving stuff is not a rejection of her.

Bopeep14, it sounds like your daughter in law wants what she feels is best for her child. And she wants her child with you full time, which is a wonderful compliment to you.

However, she doesn’t get it both ways. She has a tough decision to make with your son.

They have to decide if it’s more important to them to have the “consistent care” you mentioned or save money.

Free childcare is not one of the options available to them.

To circle back to your original question, yes, I would discuss it with them.

I stated earlier that I think your should be more assertive in stating your boundaries.

Give 2 options to all of the parents of the children you watch:

-send the child(children) with enough meals to cover their time with you

Or

-provide a weekly payment so you can cover the cost of feeding them

You are being perfectly reasonable in offerings these two options for them to choose from.

Please stop advocating the use of wipes.
All wipes are damaging to the planetcas they are a minimum of 89% plastic. There was a programme on iPlayer about them, be it baby wipes or any other kind.
The mountains of rubbish (including wipes and nappies) have to be disposed of here because China won't (quite rightly) accept our rubbish any more. Even Manila has stinking heaps of the stuff.
Cloths and water or lotion and soak cloths in Milton after washing.
It's pointless taking a reusable bag to the shops yet using 8 plastic backed nappies per day plus numerous wipes.

Please stop advocating the use of wipes.

Please stop telling people what to do. There are 100% bio-degradable wipes available if you care to look for them.

well seeing that families like their own brand of items .ask her if she can provide them ,after all its you that are being so nice having her child. dont be afraid just ask...or you could charge her for each day you have her child. just like a nursery would .

I think nappies, wipes etc should be brought. It would be polite (at the least) to offer some sort of remuneration or treat, especially if it is long term although I guess, if the wee ones eat the same as you then it wouldn't cost much more to feed them.

I usually provided the food, but they supplied the nappies and wipes. It does depend on circumstances and three children is a lot different to one.

I agree with Gabriella that wipes are yet another everday iten damaging the environment.
Yes, we've been watching that programme too, Hugh Fearnley-W, and Anita Rani.
How naive we are to believe that our recycling is dealt with responsibly by our councils.
People also throw wipes down the loo!
I appreciate that there are bio-degradable wipes available - but how many people seek them out?

We use flannels for stickly hands and fingers, which then get thrown in with the towels for a wash.
Cotton wool for little bottoms.
I remember being horrified years ago when visiting someone and she used the dishcloth to wipe her children's hands and face.

Typos, sorry.

I have given both of my grandsons' chops a quick swipe round with the washing up cloth C.