Would you ask?

OP, you are providing a couple of hundreds of pounds worth of care a day. Financially, you are being exploited.

I know that you love your DGC and want to help but, really, it is perfectly OK to ask for some assistance with the cost of feeding someone else’s children.

Hint that you might not be able to offer the care so the DIL has to face the reality of paying or juggling childcare options. She will soon come to see what a treasure you are and cough up.

My dishcloth's fairly clean! Would never do the spit thing though. Eeurghhh!

Are you my friend from years ago? Heading for my child with a dirty dishcloth before I got out my big hanky and scrubbed his face with a bit of spit on a hanky!!

Used it on mine before now!

I have given both of my grandsons' chops a quick swipe round with the washing up cloth C.

Typos, sorry.

I agree with Gabriella that wipes are yet another everday iten damaging the environment.
Yes, we've been watching that programme too, Hugh Fearnley-W, and Anita Rani.
How naive we are to believe that our recycling is dealt with responsibly by our councils.
People also throw wipes down the loo!
I appreciate that there are bio-degradable wipes available - but how many people seek them out?

We use flannels for stickly hands and fingers, which then get thrown in with the towels for a wash.
Cotton wool for little bottoms.
I remember being horrified years ago when visiting someone and she used the dishcloth to wipe her children's hands and face.

I usually provided the food, but they supplied the nappies and wipes. It does depend on circumstances and three children is a lot different to one.

I think nappies, wipes etc should be brought. It would be polite (at the least) to offer some sort of remuneration or treat, especially if it is long term although I guess, if the wee ones eat the same as you then it wouldn't cost much more to feed them.

well seeing that families like their own brand of items .ask her if she can provide them ,after all its you that are being so nice having her child. dont be afraid just ask...or you could charge her for each day you have her child. just like a nursery would .

Please stop advocating the use of wipes.

Please stop telling people what to do. There are 100% bio-degradable wipes available if you care to look for them.

Please stop advocating the use of wipes.
All wipes are damaging to the planetcas they are a minimum of 89% plastic. There was a programme on iPlayer about them, be it baby wipes or any other kind.
The mountains of rubbish (including wipes and nappies) have to be disposed of here because China won't (quite rightly) accept our rubbish any more. Even Manila has stinking heaps of the stuff.
Cloths and water or lotion and soak cloths in Milton after washing.
It's pointless taking a reusable bag to the shops yet using 8 plastic backed nappies per day plus numerous wipes.

Bopeep14, it sounds like your daughter in law wants what she feels is best for her child. And she wants her child with you full time, which is a wonderful compliment to you.

However, she doesn’t get it both ways. She has a tough decision to make with your son.

They have to decide if it’s more important to them to have the “consistent care” you mentioned or save money.

Free childcare is not one of the options available to them.

To circle back to your original question, yes, I would discuss it with them.

I stated earlier that I think your should be more assertive in stating your boundaries.

Give 2 options to all of the parents of the children you watch:

-send the child(children) with enough meals to cover their time with you

Or

-provide a weekly payment so you can cover the cost of feeding them

You are being perfectly reasonable in offerings these two options for them to choose from.

When the kids are small it's far better if mum sends them with their food. When they are older not so important. But nappies??!! How am I supposed to know the current size for starters? Wipes? Send them with the nappies. Overall mum should send them with everything and be thankful. Mum in question not mature enough to see not giving stuff is not a rejection of her.

I actually envy you Bopeep14, my first grandchild is due but I doubt I'll see him 6 times a year, let alone 6 days a week You asked a simple question & the judge and jury answered without knowing the full facts. We have two of my husband's grandsons once a week and are ok but I think you should ask your son if they can help with the cost of food.

Agree with janeainsworth, keep out of it.

Don’t even think about it abuelana.
Let your DD and SiL work things out for themselves.

New baby DD is breastfeeding and tired but doing really well. However SiL is doing nothing at all regarding baby.
Advice please to say something or leave well alone. My husband thinks he should speak to him to advise and guide.

Pat1949

That sounds horrible, can’t people communicate any longer without having to be so extreme about everything?

When I look after my grandchildren, my daughter supplies everything for the baby, for the older ones I’ve never expected her to pay for food, or outings, or anything else, because at the moment, I can afford it, if I couldn’t, I’d like to think we could discuss it without falling out about it!

It's very rare that I go on mumsnet but I did actually see that post and thought how ungrateful the poster was. She should have supplied the child's nappies etc without even thinking about it. She sounded very spoilt and 'entitled'. The thing that I actually was surprised at was that most of the people who replied to her post were suggesting that she should stop them caring for her child immediately. Honestly, some parents have no idea how lucky they are. My daughters all supplied the necessary equipment. Anything I ran out of I would buy but it was very rare for this to happen. I was so annoyed by the attitude of her and other posters I had to come off the site.

No they are not all from one family.
The reason I talk about my daughter in law and not my son is that he suggested nursery 2 days a week, but his wife wants consistency in the child’s life like she had with her other child ( not my sons child) so it is all or nothing as far as she is concerned, and they can’t afford full time nursery. So yes my son is grateful but doesn’t really agree with his wife, on this one.

I will also add, it's not free childcare. It's costing her a good relationship with you. She just doesn't know it because you haven't said anything to any of them.

I was so glad you said you were going to speak with her. Fair is fair, like you said, be sure to speak with all of your adult children, not just your in-law children or your DIL.

sorry, I don't know why that copy and paste repeated. Hope it makes sense.

When you say ^ I actually think this women needs to be grateful that she has free child care, but thats just my opinion though.^ referring to your I actually think this women needs to be grateful that she has free child care, but thats just my opinion though.^

Bopeep14, I wonder why your son should not be grateful too and the other parents of the children you care for - they are not all your DIL's and DS's children are they?

You sound resentful of your DIL but not of your own DC.
That doesn't seem very fair.

MOnica all I asked originally was would you ask for parents to provide a little food to help out over the summer holidays after reading a post on mumsnet I was a bit hesitant, but like a lot of discussions on here they change topic. Nappies milk etc are already provided.
My children are no way selfish people, I have never spoilt them in anyway and I resent the assumptions that you are making.
Like I said earlier what you do for one child you do for others it’s only fair.
Yes I am 10 years older and my health is not as good as when I started but while I still can do it I will.
Thank you all for your advice, I am going to have a talk with my daughter in law, and see what she says.