Would you ask?

Looking after 4 children all week, including 2 prw-schoolers, I don't know how the OP even manages to find time to prepare meals for them. As for a meal that they will all eat - I find it hard enough to find one meal that two GC will eat, never mind four of them!

Bopeep, you have my utmost respect for managing to look after that many children at once !

Thank you all i would have to write an essay to explain it all.
In the beginning it was by choice it certainly isn’t now, I do it because I have too.
What you do for one you have to do for others.
The only day off I get is Sunday, yes I do 6 days a week.
I have no time and can honestly say I am struggling now.
It wouldn’t be so bad if other grandparents helped but one set live too far away, the other set who are both retired flatly refuse to have them.
My husband works full time we are not retired yet.
We have many an argument about it especially as one of the children is a step grandchild and I don’t really know her very well and I find her quite difficult to entertain.
I wish I had the guts to say enough is enough but I haven’t, mainly because I know it would put both sets of parent in financial difficulties I couldn’t have that on my conscience.

Oh no! BoPeep, this is not the “privilege” to watch the children as you originally stated.
This is a terrible obligation with guilt. One that you cannot afford and is causing stress in your marriage.
You can and should let the parents know you cannot do it.
Explain to them the financial hardship. You should never put yourself in a bad financial position so they don’t have to regarding their children.
I’m afraid you will have to find the guts. This has the potential to ruin you and your DH’s relationship with all of them.
I suggest you either outright refuse or ask for funds. And send the older ones to camps paid for by the parents.

You certainly should expect them to come with food. Speak to them now so that they are prepared a few weeks in advance about the fact that you are struggling with the cost. This does all sound a bit too much and if it is you need to ask for help. Maybe cut down the days? It's ok to have some life of your own!

I don't think I would wait until you are couple of weeks in but I would offer a choice as in "would you like to drop off extra groceries for the weeks when the older ones are here our do you want to me to do the shopping and let you know what it costs?" It may just be the nudge that is needed.

Bopeep14 Absolutely absolutely understand where you are coming from. You probably started off with one grandchild and could manage everything for the one but as the family has grown the 'demands' not to mention cost have escalated out of control.

My advice is.....be honest! Tell your children you are finding it hard financially.

We ALL want to help our kids BUT remember THIS should be a time of relaxation and possibly a little more financial security to spend on yourself! You probably scrimped and saved when your own kids were young and now find you are having to do it again?

Just be honest - don't try to be superhuman and am sure things will be sorted x

To be honest, six days a week is way too much, I know where you’re coming from, I too fell into the trap of looking after one of my daughters children, and now there are three, but that’s only one days a week, and for the most part I enjoy it, but I wouldn’t consider six days

I think your problem goes way beyond the cost of food

My cousins looked after their 2 GC several days a week so that DD could go back to work part-time. I don't know about all the arrangements, but I understand that they were paid for doing it. Less expensive than a nursery and GPs got to spend time with the children.
I didn't pay my parents, but the childcare tended to be part-time and they were only next door so could get at necessary supplies and only had to give one meal a day.
Expecting free childcare with everything supplied by GPs is just a cheek.

In your circumstances I would not hesitate to explain to my AC that you find the cost of feeding and doing everything for their child expensive and difficult to afford and could they afford to give you a specified sum of money towards those expenses in the holiday.

They must know your financial circumstances and understand your request.

That is what I would not hesitate to say to my children in your circumstances, but I realise that some people have very convoluted realtionships with their children, despite the care they provide for GC, so you probably no best wither this straight forward approach would be well received.

Blimey! I am truly shocked by the assumption that GPs will bring up the babies for free.
A friend with 2 small DC is about to return to work in a professional job, full time and she has been desperately looking for good childcare,
I don't know if she has found anything as she was quoted £1000 per week for a nanny which she could not afford.
I realise there are GPs who do this and think little of it and are honoured to be asked but you cannot be out of pocket.

BoPeep - if you are feeding them three meals a day five days a week then surely you could expect a portion of the child benefit to help towards the food etc!

When I looked after mine when they were tiny they came complete with their well-packed baby bag full of nappies, wipes (I try not to use them though), spare clothes etc.

We could afford to provide these but DIL always sent them with whatever was needed, including toddler snacks etc.
If we have them in the holidays and take them out now she always offers to pay the costs - we don't take it, but if I couldn't afford it I would gratefully accept.

I am astonished at the expectations of some, not all, of today's young parents.

Six days a week?

I don't know how old you are, but I found two days exhausting (but enjoyable). When it becomes a full-time job and you are not really managing it is time to have a re-think and a calm discussion.

Bopeep14 you must be a saint and an exhausted one .

I agree, janeainsworth - why can't the parents stagger their holidays?

If this is more than one family, possibly four parents, then that could be one week each during the long school holidays taking it in turn to do childcare, two weeks that you do - and juggle their days so that you don't have to do six days every week.

I'm not surprised your DH gets fed up. You need time together too.

I’m with Callistemon

I have mine once a week, a bit more in the holidays, I too enjoy it, but I don’t think I’d be enjoying it much if I was facing six days a week

When exactly do these children see their parents?

Just to make things clear i look i look after two pre school children one 5 days a week, mon -fri 7-30-5 the other 3 days including Saturday 8-3. In the holidays i then add there siblings. The full time ones i feed three meals a day the part time ones i only give them two meals mum gives them tea when they get home.

You are running a crèche Bopeep!

You are running a crèche Bopeep

Yes Sara, and if Bopeep was being paid the going rate, say £30 per day per child, which is probably a very conservative estimate, she’d be earning £120 a day, £720 a week during the school holidays
I’m not suggesting for a minute that anyone would charge the going rate for looking after their own grandchildren, but it kind of puts it in perspective.

I have just taken on board that it is three meals a day, six days a week.

So OP says this amount of care is too much for her but not giving it will cause her children financial difficulties so she will not do it.

Fair enough, its her choice, but what happens when all this non-stop work causes her health to fail and she has to go from 6 days a week to no days a week. What happens then?

I think she needs to have a long straight talk with her children and state the facts: that she finds coping with umpteen children 6 days a week too much and this has to be reduced or she will become ill and be doing no days a week - and health breakdowns are usually sudden so the care could well go 6 to 0, overnight.

She also needs to tell them she can not afford to feed that many children that many meals. It is a parents job to feed the children and as they are not doing it themselves, they must make a contribution to her instead.

I would reckon £5 a day per child.

I get the point about the cost, I didn’t realise the extent of your childcare

But I think, more importantly, that this is going to wear you out! I’m tired after my baby days, but I get six days to recover, often in the holidays I have several staying, which they love, but when they all go home, I’m exhausted

You aren’t getting any time to yourself, I agree with M0nica, time for some straight talking!

At least they could hand over the child benefit, pro rata, as you are the one doing all the caring and feeding on those days and your DC are the ones benefiting from your goodwill and also in their pockets by not spending the child benefit on their children.
Perhaps they do need to work - but I do hope that is not funding holidays etc at your expense.

However, I agree with others that you could become ill from exhaustion, your husband is unhappy with the situation and it is time for some straight talking.

You could show your DC this thread for a start.
I feel cross on your behalf; no wonder the other grandparents said no to any childcare because perhaps they realised that they would be in the same position as you.

I feel you are being taken advantage of. You are probably older than when you first started and they will probably expect you to do this every holiday now. You need ti be honest so they can sort out holidy clunpbs. I would like to see one of them have all those children SIX days a week for all the hours they will be away. Next you'll hear how they had some "me time" at lunchtime or one afternoon off etc. The expense is far too much, but so is the time. Good luck OP!

In my opinion this is above and well beyond the call of duty. I bet you feel like Mother Hubberd with the children who lived in a shoe!

No time to live your own life. Just to be able to rest up, read, watch tv, go for a walk.

Sorry I’d be saying ‘I’ve done the best I can to give you all a push off from the dock but as from ...... (give them a date say end of September) .... you need to sort out alternative arrangements for childcare as I’m worn out’.

Jeez.

They had their children. They chose to have more.

You’re a grandma, not a childcare provider. You need to look after yourself now. x

I agree with Urmstongran for the sake of your own health you need to drastically reduce the amount of child care you are giving. Your family are taking advantage of your kindness Bopeep and need a wake up call.
Decide in advance how much care you are prepared to give then get them all together to talk it through. As someone else said surely the parents could stagger some of the holiday time and share the care. Good luck

I did expect nappies and wipes. I was offered money for food which I accepted and kept for days out or visits to places whilst they were with me. I did accept petrol money once I was driving to school and back ( 3.5 miles each way) twice a day. If you can’t afford it, you shouldn’t have to worry about asking, but I can see it might cause problems. The thought of more than 2 children including a toddler 5 days a week would give me nightmares, even though I’m sure we’d cope.