Is it beyond the wit of humanity (note, not "man") to...(lighthearted thread)

2old4hotpants still laughing!

Morrisons bleach, I have to go into the garage and use the vice. Vacuum lids ie honey,jam, etc.not made for small hands.

If you occasionally drop a cat treat on the floor for your cat, the cat will assume that anything dropped is a treat. I discovered this with mine when I accidentally dropped her antibiotic pill and she gobbled it down greedily and looked up expecting more. I now never have to do the horrendous grab/wrap in blanket/grapple and shove pill routine at all.

The tops on plastic containers of fresh soup. Different companies all use the most difficult tops to open. I have problems with every brand.

How to give a cat a pill:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss-back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve the darned cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13) Tie the little devil's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give A Dog A Pill:
1) Wrap it in a piece of cheese.

Love beige cardigans - great idea re adjustable bits of bra straps being at the front, why haven't any manufacturers thought of this ???

Pliers for stubborn tops

Trays of usually fish sealed so tight you have to wrestle with a knife to break the seal & then use said knife or scissors to release the fish

Plastic packaging round light bulbs, difficult to cut with scissors

Multi packs of toilet rolls, I always end up battling with the plastic packaging, what happened to 4 packs in paper ? They call it progress

I’m an expert at giving tablets to cats. Well to one particular cat. My Pru was asthmatic and when the inhaler no longer seemed to help, she had to have a steroid tablet every day for several years. She never would cooperate but I got really good at catching her and dosing her.

nipsmum not only those why are scissors sold in packs which need scissors to open them?

May I add doors in the ladies room please? Tonight I will be at a theatre and lots of women will be queuing because the doors automatically close and there is nothing on the outside to say if they are in use or not! I usually wait until I am near the front of the queue and then say 'excuse me' and walk along pushing all the doors and several always open. This is a modern theatre.

Humptydumpty, for a jar-lid that won't shift, try inverting the jar and banging it on a hard surface, apparently this breaks the vacuum beneath the lid.
Failing that, use the tip of a sharp implement to pierce the lid, jar then needs to be kept in fridge!

A man who will occasionally admit he is wrong!

In case no-one mentioned it, tops on food jars which are sealed so tight that it's impossible to twist them open - I have a jar of marmalade which is still sitting unused because no-one has been able to open it - manually or with hot water, rubber band etc!

Lyndiloo, totally agree,I have broken the plastic covers on the glass shelves in my fridge,they stick like glue and struggling with them in the sink,heavy and slippery
.Ugh.
Since cookers,fridges and freezers,have been around for a long time now ,you would think that the design would be good.

The door of the toilet for disabled persons was so heavy to help it swing closed by itself that a elderly person including me who is not disabled am unable to easily open it ,a workman & a young female employee of shopping center where testing it & thought it seemed ok to them till I (sticky beak that I am ),butted it & demonstrated how hard it was for me

I agree with all these grumbles. But a word of advice about trying to read food labels, let the manufacturer know. I complained in writing when the cooking instructions were in black type on a royal blue background. Almost impossible to read. I received a £5 voucher and a thank you and they have now changed their labelling!

Agree with all except the Weedkiller thing.

I've come to the conclusion that none of these toxic chemicals should be used in our gardens.

I've stopped using them and find that a bit of therapeutic weeding does the job just as well.
And I had mares tail at the allotment.

Trouble is I have several bottles of the stuff in my shed and don't know if a safe way to dispose of them.

Maybe a call to the council.

A new pack of eight cat worming tablets. The first one given whole was spat out several times until it was a soggy mess. I broke the second one in half and put it in her food. Once again it was left. The third I tried crushing between two spoons but it flew off and disappeared. I gave up in frustration and continued to warm up some soup for my lunch. It was a smooth soup so I was a bit suprised to bite into something hard. I'd swallowed most of it before the lightbulb moment kicked in. The cat still hasn't been wormed, but I have!

There's a brilliant joke online about worming a cat if I can find it.

Being able to undo the end of a toilet roll which seems to have been welded to the whole roll!

Also the tiny print for the directions on ready meals. I would defy someone with good eyesight to read them.

I don't often buy ready meals but the cooking instructions are so hard to read. Print too small, background colour not enough contrast to printing. A childproof bottle from chemist that I had to take back to get it opened.. ( 3 of my friends had tried it without success) ,same pills usually come in cardboard box and bubble pack. How childproof is that ??? All plastic packaging that requires scissors to get it opened. I out go on any more.

annodomini
Sounds ideal but how do you get round using it when you find them growing bang smack in the middle of your vibernums ???

Have to agree with all these especially the "use by" dates on packaging. I spend a lot of time changing glasses in the supermarket checking the dates.

I'd go with the cat's tablets - the worst are the ones that could easily be given to an elephant, by their size and are impossible to break in half. My cat is very clever at projectile removal from her mouth to the extent that I blissfully thought she had taken it easily (saw her swallow etc) then found it the next day, across the other side of the room, behind a chair (space too small for her to get behind!).
I also hate those biscuit packs that you can't open without using a knife and the milk bottles that you can't pull the seal from but as someone that lived through the era of Tetra cartons for milk, I should be able to handle anything!!

Bra straps that don't have to be pulled up uncomfortably tight to prevent slippage. Can't the adjustable bits be at the front?
I echo milk and bleach bottles.
Wheely bins which don't let in water. After all this rain there'll probably be a few inches of water inside. Yuck.