Do you ever wonder why people’s lives are so different?

I often wonder why lives are so different. I live in a pleasant leafy suburb, comfortable but not affluent. However, within a very short distance is a very poor area. The few people on the streets look dismal and defeated. It makes me feel uncomfortable and guilty. Why am I in the comfortable bit and they aren’t? Have they made any efforts to further themselves via education? Are they just unlucky? Do they just accept their lot in life without trying to improve it? I wonder all these things.

In some ways my life has been hard, because my husband died at the age of 40. My children were 9 and 6. Because of my husband’s forethought and a decent job, there was insurance and a pension which meant I had enough money. I have a loving and stable family and the children have grown into successful adults. In fact, my life has not been all that hard and I count myself lucky.

Difficult lives seem to be caused mainly by lack of enough money, bad health and unstable relationships. I just don't know the answer.

There is only one answer to, 'Why me?'

'Why not?'

That’s so true Bradfordlass

We are given what we we are strong enough to deal with. We are here to learn and teach...help others learn.

I used to think a good education along with a good work ethic would see you through life by enabling you to have a decent income thereby being able to provide housing, food etc for self and family. I had to change my philosophy 20 years ago when DH who ticked all the boxes developed cancer. Fortunately surgery etc gave a good outcome. Then 10 years later a different cancer, again with favourable outcome only to return 3 years later. Now being maintained. Then last year DD, very good education and work ethic again, highly regarded within her career area, developed a vicious type of breast cancer usually thought to be inherited but no trace in family. After treatment DD died two months ago. Life is just a huge lottery, there is nothing you can actually control. Those who gave nothing and then make it big are lucky and those who have everything and end up with nothing perhaps make bad choices but again it is down to luck.

Everyone has their problems be they small or large. We just can't see into other people's lives. I would agree some people seem to be cursed, I have a friend who lost her son at 19 and then lost her daughter 15 years later. She's had more than her fair share of troubles. It's the luck of the draw.

Sar65 - but they do.

We all have to learn to ride the waves in life and I’ve had a few big ones, like most people my age. My brother is not even 60, yet in the past 3 years he has survived throat cancer, then a heart attack and last week had his leg amputated ! I visited him and he is joking about how much money he will save only having to buy one shoe ..... plus him and his wife are dieting and now he has a head start on her as his leg was heavy !! It truly is sink or swim in this life, regardless of religion or any other factor, and it’s how we all deal with it that is important. No one gets out alive anyway !

4allweknow

So sorry to hear about your daughter, how very sad for you

My DH and I had very different starts in life, both are aware of those less fortunate and often donate to charity. I work voluntarily to give back to the community. I'm not sure how it all works, but I'm interested. I have 2 life threatening diseases, but glad it's me and not my kids, I'd be happy to take it all for them. I live a good life though, not complaining.

Some people are better at presenting the good side of their lives to the world. Some friends of ours were reminiscing and said 'do you remember x - we were having such a terrible time then' they listed lots of things that had been going wrong (mainly professionally) at the time...we had NO IDEA - they are the kind of couple who don't say it at the time.
I also think that having money is a huge help. I know it doesn't buy health but it can save a lot of worry and just make for a more pleasant/charmed life.
I also think that often people who have a charmed life, seem to attract even more luck, and the opposite: when people are down, they get hit with more problems - why is that? Perhaps connected with the fact that what actually happens is affected by what you expect?

I feel that my life could have been so different if i had had proper guidance in my earlier years. I made so many mistakes through sheer naivety, ignorance and lack of common sense. When i look back i feel sad that i missed so many golden opportunities, but i suppose we could all say that about certain aspects of our lives. I try not to dwell on some things but it is hard sometimes.

Travelsafer

I totally empathise with you

I made many wrong choices, due to lack of guidance, my husband sometimes asks me if I have regrets, but who knows if I’d have been any happier.

I had a good upbringing and career. However, at aged 30, I've been crippled by osteoporosis, brought on by steroids to treat brittle asthma. I have fibromyalgia and ME too. I didn't get a chance to build up much pension. Not that I would need it as I won't live long enough to use it.
I would much prefer myself to endure this rather than my children if someone has to be ill.
Some people seem to sail through life effortlessly, others not. I guess it's the luck of the draw in some cases.

What this discussion has proved, reading the sad stories on here, is that good health is the key to everything.

I know I am stating the obvious here, but ultimately nothing else really matters, does it?

If we and our families are fit and healthy then wealth, achievements and contentment with life are secondary.

Having said that, it is a fact that we are fortunate to live in a country with such fantastic opportunities, that if we do have the aforementioned good health, then anything is possible.

Natural justice does not exist. It's up to every person to distribute help where needed according to the helper's ability.

I once heard a Rabbi on the radio saying " the only time you think about your head is when you have a headache"

It really stuck with me.

leyla What's the saying? - Nothing succeeds like success!

I’m with you here MOnica.... it’s the attitude you adopt when life throws crap at you... I have my mums attitude... get up, brush yourself of, and start pushing back. My husband alas is of different stock... that’s why 23 years after his stroke he’s still sitting in his armchair falling asleep at 10 in the morning and napping all day.... doing sod all to contribute to the running of the house or noticing I exist as a human being. He was 50 when he became an old man.... I am now 69 years young. He’s a ‘ christian’ I’m a fully paid up atheist! Attitude.... that’s what makes the difference.

.... oh and by the way .... before the poor him brigade’ take off on a rant.... I’ve had two strokes in his ‘poor me’ time frame... no choice but to get over them!

MawBroonsback Tue 11-Jun-19 09:45:08 I agree

4allweknow so sorry to read all that, isn't it hard?

Yes, we have to play the cards we are dealt but they are not fairly dealt. I still have a glass half full attitude but it isn't as a result of good luck, it is a result of being determined to look forward rather than back and recognise the good that DH and I have achieved despite having no help either emotionally or financially.

I have had more, and more varied, 'bad luck' than you would believe and each time I have fought back. Most of the bad things which have happened don't happen to most people, they are relatively rare and have combined to make life very difficult. However we have built an outwardly good life and don't bore people with what life has thrown at us. Only a few very special friends know it all. I think that sounds wrong but don't have a better way to say it without listing it all. Sorry.

I don't know why some are given so much bad and others so much good. Some of us are made stronger by it all but not everyone copes. I have no idea why.

Some people do seem to have a lot of luck (nothing to do with going to church though) while others make their own luck by making sensible, well informed choices and following through. I do think some people, who may term themselves 'unlucky', go from making one bad choice to another and then they wonder why bad things happen to them without wanting to take any responsibility for their own actions.

I try and keep my glass half full then some moron comes and knocks it over!!! At times I feel like Job ( from the bible) I often ask myself 'why me' and then I top up my glass and get on with things as best I can!

Well quiz you may well be right but we have made "sensible, well informed choices and following through" and all the bad stuff has still happened, probably because we have just got on with it.

None of the bad things that have happened to us have been because of the choices we made, quite the reverse, the good things have been the result of our choices. I didn't do anything to cause the death of my brother or my son and am not responsible for my miscarriages or the death of a twin.

I know some things are within our power to change, but a lot aren’t

My husband always says in business, you can work hard, make sound decisions, but you always need a little bit of luck. I think we all need a little bit of luck now and then, makes you feel great when something goes right, doesn’t it?