Soop`s Kitrchen,a refuge and sanctuary for genteel folk

Thank you for the coffee Nannytopsy.

I am off to Chelmsford today to return several items from my “finger shopping” (Internet), I am getting increasingly disillusioned with shopping is it the manufacturers or my body???

So I am trying as of today to eat more healthier not sure what else I can do though as I seldom snack!!!!

Pleased you are on the mend Marydoll, soop, annsixty, continue to be kind to yourselves and rest rest rest!

Panache, baggs and Dragonfly thinking of you.

I do hope your husbands fitting goes well A

TOYA ????

Take heart Annsixty you are still almost certainly in shock and however urgent the paperwork seems, it will take time. As long as the pension provider, HMRC, life insurance are informed,(and I am assuming they have been through the Tell Us Once service) there need be no rush. Breathe.
I got in such a “must be efficient” ‘tiswas I managed to cancel my own life insurance by accident and also had a major panic trying to find birth and marriage certificates which involved emptying g a whole filing cabinet in the middle of the night.
See friends, have coffee or lunch, have afternoon naps if you can, but do not push yourself. It is like recovering from an illness, if you try to do too much too soon, you can set yourself right back

annsixtyDo you think bereavement counselling would help?

Morning all, lovely to see you Ann. I hope you dont gave to take in washing but if you could manage some ironing........Seriously, dont be hard on yourself, you have been through a very trying time.

Stay well marydoll.

I think I have missed wishing you well syn, but I hope your dh's fitting goes well.

Lovely photos, especially mim. sar we have a 6 year old Charlotte (lottie) she is a complete one off - determined and a bit scary when she gives one the 'look'!

I'm still completely jiggered after the virus so am taking it easy although I have Wolfie on Thursday this week and he has started to pull himself up on the furniture - the responsibility.

soop, baggs, panache sending love and TOYA

Maw I had to send for a copy of our marriage certificate as it wasn't in with all the others.
Cost nearly £46.

I was helped by a very wise GP who had been brought up in the Jewish tradition of doing nothing in the way of decisions for a year after a bereavement. And that no demands are made of the recently bereaved, I believe it is called Sitting Shiva.
Frankly IMO the Victorians had the right idea in that one’s loss was recognised and respected. Nowadays we are too often expected to get on with it, get over it, make a new life, move on etc.
I believe bereavement counselling should be left for at least 6 months and my suspicion is that Annsixty has been “running on empty”.

I second maw's post. Take it easy ann.

Wise words Maw. I am in a strange place as in a way I’ve started to grieve, as I know I’m going to lose DH. But life goes on, and I am sitting happily with watching the antics of the starlings and sparrows in the garden. It’s a lovely sunny day here and quite warm. I know we must live for today, and not focus on the future.

A lot of us are poorly, have worries or are grieving, so TOYA

Dear Anneliese what you are describing is so very understandable. If you can, try to enjoy the present and dare I say it, let the future take care of itself.
You can’t really prepare for bereavement (apart from the practical issues) and you can’t change future grief by preparing for it.
I have posted this elsewhere, but I like it and feel it is applicable to so many of us at the moment.

Thanks Maw. I’ve not seen this before but I will keep it. I’ve started to keep a diary of what’s happening to us. At the moment I’m finding it helps to be able to write down my feelings and then I seem to be more upbeat with DH and the family. ?

Ann I agree with those wise words of Maw's. Small steps. Simple pleasures. It will take time to restore your equilibrium.

Anneliese Maw's post makes perfect sense. in abundance.

GrannyGravy Return the unwanted "finger shopping"...hold on to your sense of humour. It's priceless.

A happy photo of our great granddaughter, Mila together with her Daddy.

Here it be...

Yet another sunny day in bonnie Kintyre. I shall return to catch up with my Granspals tomorrow.

TOYA

I am so appreciative for all your lovely caring thoughts both here in our kitchen and privately.Many of you have been a font of knowledge and it has all been most helpful,in many instances saving me valuable searching time.

I always listen and respect whatever you add Maw as I know you and several dear ones have a wealth of sad experiences so this is and will be of great support and I welcome and value your inputs.

We are not without experience of caring for a terminal cancer patient ourselves,we both cared for my crippled 80 year old Foster Mum.The Consultant gave her 6 weeks and we were blessed with 7 months.We completely set up a mini hospital within our bungalow home.My man was invaluable even then.Her condition meant she haemorrhaged on every day,he would rush in to put her bed on blocks,cut up mounds of suitable cloth to help stem this flow, and every morning before leaving for a 10 hour work day he hovered the whole of the place.Without him I could not have coped.
Although very upsetting a period,she brought such blessings into our home as she was a devout though naive Christian,we felt as though we had been touched by Jesus during that period.

Back to now,yes we have a good sized ground floor bedroom with en suite and a double shower.That means the whole ground floor......sitting room,dining room.kitchen and conservatory will be easy access for at least some of the time......even some of the outdoors.

Coping without a wheelchair is the lesser of my own issues,I really struggle in so many ways to make a meal.Since living virtually on Ensure drinks,anything to do with food.......simply opening the fridge door for instance brings on this nausea.I have great dexterity issues too from my spinal Spondylitis which handling any hot pans could be a danger........and now I find my MD means I cannot read small print,oven signs,even distinguish colours.....all added together it can trigger off this pancreatic/liver/ gall bladder problem and the last thing I now need is another Hospital Stay.
Once again the pounds are rolling off me.

The question of what do we do now regarding this Sheltered Apartment we have been offered is a very big one, and I would value your opinions.I know my dear man loves the privacy,tranquillity and green surroundings here,but he also is extremely worried for my longer term safety and care.
This will most certainly have to be discussed at length very soon.Without a doubt we are not in a good place.

Since the start of this Hormonal therapy my man has been knocked for six,first few days he slept non stop apart from when the pain overtakes him,he remains so very weak,and sleeps a lot.Whilst cannot dress, for the abdominal swelling following the treatment must not be disturbed.
I HOPE that once all this settles in the 4/5 days we have been given to expect that perhaps he will return to just a modicum of the man that managed with great difficulty, but greater determination, that long journey last week............although it totally was draining both physically as well as emotionally.

Today the phones have rung non stop as the services are at long last realising we are in great difficulty.

Sorry for the long posting but I so do need your advice and wise counsel.

Anneliese I echo your feelings exactly.Whenever I can I keep busy but any time in between I could easily simply sit and howl.

Panache - as you know my heart goes out to you and I know that everyone who visits and rests in the kitchen is thinking of you and your DH.

You need to take each day as gently as possible and allow your brain and heart to process everything that’s going on. The way forward will become apparent. Accept all help, take counsel and gradually you will see what you will do next.

Other wiser women will be along to offer counsel and experience.....and prayers.

Panache God bless! ?

panache you asked for our thoughts and I will give you mine but without any experience to back it up. Your home sounds a lovely place and I can understand your reluctance to leave it and move elsewhere. Let alone the fact that moving is a draining experience even for those who are physically fit and well. Having said all that, my gut feeling is that it would be better for you and your DH in the long run to be in sheltered housing where someone would be on hand to help should you need it. MrP has cared for you for a long time and I can imagine that he is worried about how you can cope with his current poor health. Would you both not feel safer in sheltered housing? I am so glad to hear that at last someone is beginning to realise that you two lovely people need some help. Take care and I hope whatever you decide becomes the right choice for you both x

Dear panache, I am going to sleep on your question and write an answer in the morning.
Wishing you all a peaceful night.
Home made muffins on a tray.

Panache and Ann although I am in a difficult place, I know it is nothing in comparison with you both. I have nothing but admiration for the strength you have both shown. I am sending my love to you both. I sincerely hope Panache that you and your DH get the help and support you so badly need and deserve. And Ann I know that you are in turmoil at the moment and have so much to deal with, and hope that things gradually get a little easier. ?

panavhe, I echo doodle's thoughts completely. And, I suspect your friends on here would all breathe a sigh of relief to know you are 'safe'. Please accept any and all help on offer.

Your 'card' is fabulous maw. On our course yesterday we were talking about the impact of the caring role. I will try to print that off as I'm sure it will help.

soop, Mila is gorgeous.

Ba k later.

Time flashes past- it appears to me to be only a few weeks since Mim and Mila were pretty babies in arms. Now they both appear to know exactly what they want.

Panache I agree with Doodle- life would be a lot easier if you were both in sheltered housing and you would have less stress.

Panache I have PM’d you x

I agree it would be easier to be in sheltered accommodation Panache but it’s a lot to contemplate with so much else going on in your lives. ?
Re food - have you looked at Farmfoods or Cook! Both of which can be ordered online and just need reheating in the oven? Of course you can’t be a expected to cook even if you could organise the shopping on line.
Another reason for Carers, it seems o me.

panache. My thoughts are that you should move to the sheltered accommodation. You and DH will have help on call and people round about you, but you can lock the door and preserve your privacy. Whilst you will miss “home”, you take your memories and day to day practicalities will be easier. I also believe it will be easier to sell your house once you have moved out. Buyers will see the purchase as being more straightforward. A top notch removal firm will do everything for you. My advice is based on seeing family move/not move and the follow on. In the end only the two of you can decide but my experiences have been that it will be easier once you have moved and that any wrinkles will be sorted out and be minor compared staying, being more isolated, having worries about garden and property upkeep, driving and shopping. Being closer to amenities will simplify the day to day and as already said, I believe the house will sell more quickly once vacated. Whatever you decide my thoughts are with you.??