Friend cries poor.

There's no mystery, and no code.

Some established posters just point out to others that the thread has been started by a new poster. This can occasionally, but by no means always, indicate that the poster is mischief-making.

Coded messages?? I AM missing something!!

Well they certainly do it on the gardening forum and the language forum that I use, and they are the friendliest bunch of people you could wish to meet, albeit virtually. Definitely no 'code' intended on those.

I don't actually go on any other forums.

They don't do it on Twitter.

'course it is.

It seems to have been acknowledged up-thread that would-be 'code' relates to the 'welcome' messages to new Gransnetters.
But welcoming new members in this way is a common thing to do on forums, isn't it?

Hi green eyes, are you worried about the money you have lent her or the fact she may have a problem with drink. I have found once I lend money to anyone and feel their is no chance I will get it back, after a while I let it go as a gift in my mind and learn from that. Have you any reason to believe she has a drink problem before you saw the 2 bottles of whiskey. If she has a problem she would be drinking any alcohol possible not a bottle that cost £50 unless it was a gift. I would keep in touch with her for the sake of the child, if you know for definite she is drinking I would certainly let the child's school know.

Can't afford food but can afford alcohol - sounds as if there may be a little drink problem going on. I would give any more money.

Maybe she's an alcoholic and that is contributing to her poverty.

I’m answering PMs and have been surprised at quite how many I’ve had - many from people who lurk and don’t post and had picked up on the same clues as me.

I'm baffled by all this talk of a code. Anyone care to enlighten?

I think you had every right to comment. If she can't afford to eat how can she afford whisky at that price? I certainly wouldn't be inviting her for meals again or lending her any money. Have you had back what you lent her?

"give someone money as once you lend it there is a power imbalance."
I agree, redl.
Plus illfeeling if it's not repaid.

Am now intrigued by ‘codes in responses’

neither lender or borrower be.best way to lose a friend-lend them money.i would say give someone money as once you lend it there is a power imbalance. i had what i thought was a friend for 23 years, wealthy beyond belief,she asked if i could lend her some money?! when i said no ,phone slammed down by her,no explanations, i tried to enquire was she in some form of trouble-she has never spoken to me since...........

Oh no, I cant bear it any longer!! Please get back to the thread. ….

In my opinion with all the acronyms being needlessly used and now hints and sly mentions about coded messages it is developing into a rather unpleasant, clicks and not very welcoming site. It is like a click group in the playground whispering and excluding others . Not nice, please be kind to each other and less acronyms either real or made up please.

I don't know what you mean Mary Eliza, just started reading this thread.
This has now got me intrested.

I'd be judging her too, definitely nt that poor that she can't afford expensive alcohol

Willow10 nothing's" going on ", it's just one poster's over-zealousy, that's all. Looking into something that isn't there.

Willow10 . Me either

Willow10 you and me both, feel like I'm coming into a Dan Brown novel.

Did your friend actually say you are judging her? You had to say something, because the money would be much better spent on her child and food.
You are a friend and you are older, and therefore it was your duty to point out that the alcohol was a waste of money. If it was bought as a present for somebody else, it was a very expensive present, and she would have said it was not for her.
You are a good friend and should keep asking her and her child to dinner, if you can afford it, but don't give her any more money as it is probably being spent on drink. She is a boozer, I'm afraid.

I must be so dim - I haven't got a clue what's going on!

I'll shut up and start preparing the dinner.

Apologies to OP.