Adult daughter moving away

We moved 25 years ago, 300 miles south of where the rest of my family lived. You’d have thought we’d emigrated by my mothers reaction. She cried all the time in the weeks leading up to our departure, couldn’t help out at all and couldn’t bear to see the house crammed with full packing boxes. Needless to say we left without anyone seeing us off and every time I rang home mum cried which upset my then 9 yr old son. Harsh words had to be spoken whereby I said she wouldn’t be able to speak to him anymore if she kept crying. That did the trick and 3 months after we’d moved she got acceptance. The point of this ramble is her reaction to our move made it much more difficult for her, as we went anyway and it would have been much better all round if she’d had accepted things earlier. My dad was very philosophical and said we were doing the right thing for us. My in-laws were v pleased as they had a new holiday destination in Suffolk!
Mum and a Dad did enjoy lots of holidays with us too it’s a shame the start wasn’t more positive.

I have been on both sides of the coin. I wanted to move to Australia in 1974 as a £25 Pom with my first husband. We had accommodation and jobs lined up but his father cried and begged him not to go so it never happened.
My youngest daughter went out to Australia 17 months ago on a 1 years work visa but decided to stay and has gained a permanent right to be there.
This was very hard for me as I hadn’t mentally prepared for it as I was thinking she was coming back. We talk regularly on WhatsApp (brilliant) and I am going to visit her in December (can’t wait). She loves it there and I see what she is doing all the time on Facebook and Instagram as she is always posting stuff.
I just love to see her happy.

My son moved to OZ 10years ago mans is now married and expecting their long awaited baby.
I feel sad I can’t stand by his side on days when we need to feel close but you do Cope in a kind of automatic sense.
My dream is they will come home ...
But the most important thing is they are healthy and happy and as a mum what more can I ask

2Dogs I haven’t got over it yet and my then future son-in-law (though I didn’t know that would be the outcome at the time) produced air tickets and whisked my daughter away to his country at a few days’ notice just two weeks before Christmas 15 years ago. They have never had enough money to pay for air tickets once their family began to grow and their last visit cost me my all so may well be the last time I see them in real life.

When I was younger, mobile and could afford it I went over there for the births of my grandchildren and whenever they moved home. If you are young enough, fit enough and can afford it then go and visit as often as you can. Skype and FaceTime don’t help me much as the grandchildren grow up.

My only comfort is to know that the air where they are is fresher and the life healthier. At Christmas here one of the children remarked that ‘it doesn’t feel like Christmas’. Her mum laughed and said she was missing the barbecue and sunshine which was the Christmas she was used to all her life.

It is sad for me but for them it is a good life and when all’s said and done that is what matters most.

DS (our only child) & DiL went to USA 23 years ago. They now have two children and a very American lifestyle, and will not be coming back to the UK any time soon! I find that it has got easier, as time goes by. (DH & I have been fortunate in seeing them annually.) I do sympathise with what you are feeling. Can you focus now on planning a trip to visit them - perhaps that will help?

I did it too 2Dogs, like you without a backwards glance.
Just try to be happy for them. And remember what it felt like to be so free.

Oh how I feel your pain my DD and family moved to Australia 8 years ago we are a small family and I was devasted to say the least. I was vocal with my thoughts but not rude or aggressive just pure raw emotion spilling out. The days months leading up to the move were tough but in the end what can you do as you say it’s there dream. They built a business from scratch so couldn’t come home for holidays, I’ve been out there 5 times and omg there life style is lovely and I love going there. I go for 5 weeks usually and it is good quality time spent with them morning noon and night.However last summer they were able to come home for there first holiday in 7 years and they loved it and realised how much they missed home, they went back in October and are now packing to move back in June. We can’t believe it until it happens.
All I can say is I know how it hurts but hopefully with social media these days you can chat regularly and keep up with there life’s, they will be homesick my daughter went on a website called poms abroad it’s for all the English living there to support each other as she was homesick for best part of 2 years but then settled in. Hopefully you are in a position where you can go and visit if you look at booking tickets and arranging best time to go it will take the edge of there leaving date as you will know when your seeing them again and it will give you something to look forward to. My grandchildren FaceTime me now on a regular basis now there older. The loss is huge but find something you like doing to help fill it till the sadness fades.x

If you have a smart phone make WhatsApp your friend.
I use it with my adult children in the USA and Southern Ireland. The children love it too. It's not the same as being close - but it does feel much closer.
You will survive.
All the best.

You do get used to it, DD moved to Europe ten years ago and I find that I see her just as often as I did before the move. She has no family so not as bad as those missing DGC.

EllanVannin I do feel for you. Both my son and daughter live in Oz and the increase in travel insurance as I'm on my second hip replacement and various pills is quite significant I have to say....even without taking age into consideration.

My daughter and family moved to Vancouver, Canada, about 18 years ago, and she and her daughter have now moved back to the UK, 6 months ago. When they went to Canada my husband and I vowed to visit them every year and we did. She showed us a lot of the country including the mountains, ski areas, etc. Then they moved to Vancouver Island and we visited them there, and saw the beautiful countryside around there too. When we got back we kept in touch by telephone every week.
These days communication and travel is quite easy. Try and save for the occasional holiday, and you will enjoy seeing them and their new country. Enjoy it while you can, because as EllanV says, sometimes your health may get in the way.

I can't envisage another trip to Oz due to my now state of health and the insurance will be like paying another fare. This is the saddest part for me if I think about it too much as her visit in June could be my last time that I'd see her. It's a really horrible feeling and one that I have to keep right at the back of my mind or I'd sink into a depression.

I am in the UK and my son moved to Canada 16 years ago. It is hard when your child moves so far away, but you deal with it. Sixteen years ago technology wasn't what it is now, so our communication was weekly phone calls and emails.

Nowadays there are many ways of keeping in touch, Skype, Facetime, Whatsapp etc. I never feel left out of my son's life. I now have a little Canadian grand daughter who knows who I am and gets very excited when we speak on Skype each week.

It will get easier, and think of the lovely holidays you can have. Some of my best times have been when visiting Canada

My DG lives in Sydney and although I wasn’t ecstatic when she moved there 20 years ago I wasn’t devastated either.
I’d lived a fairly peripatetic life with family on the other side of the world.
It’s so much easier now to keep in touch with phones, FaceTime ect.
I find using messenger so useful. Because of the time difference it can be difficult to catch each other at a mutually convenient time so these little messages are so handy.
One of the things that I found hard , and still do, is the lack of things to talk about. The political situation here, for instance, is of no interest to her and I don’t even know who their prime minister is.
We have visited every other year and they have come over here when we don’t go there. We do know the area where she lives and quite a few of her Aussie friends and relations now so that makes it easier.
It’s not the ideal but it’s doable and I hope you find your way of managing it.

Same situation here back in 1980. The first thing I did was to save up for my airfare to visit as soon as possible. It was something I felt I had to do to " settle myself " after having been so devastated at them leaving.
In 1982, I went there,albeit for only 3 weeks because of work but was so glad I had gone as it made a difference to my state of mind. After that, I'd vowed I would visit for as much as I could and for longer stays each time ( 3 months ) so in all it was 5 visits then they came here. Gladly I'll see them in June when they come to the UK for a month, though travelling and holidaying abroad I'll know that I'll see them regularly.

Hi 2Dogs I feel the same way as Wobbles so many means of communication now, get you and your family organised with Whatsapp or similar. Be proud you have brought up a confident independent daughter who feels able to make her way in the world.
Don't sit around moping get out and about with those two dogs and enjoy your life too.

Welcome 2Dogs WhatsApp video calls are brilliant for keeping in touch. I talk every fortnight with my son, sometimes more if my 3yo grandsons 'steal' his phone and press random buttons.
Please be prepared for minimal communication when they're settling in though, it will be a very busy time for them.

Hi 2Dogs and welcome.

Many of the people on this forum are in the same situation , so I'm sure you'll get good advice.

I know ( to some extent) how you feel. My daughter and her husband moved 1,000km away in January when he got "the job of a lifetime". I was devastated - my grandchildren are so precious to me and my husband ! Specially our granddaughter who has special needs, and is so loving to us. When I heard about the move, I felt the ground open up and swallow me - I was sure that I'd never cope . But I did - Just !

We talk often on FaceTime on their mum's phone, and we have Skype talks once a week . Just seeing them smiling and hearing their stories makes us feel wonderful. We also send them "real" letters and pictures every week, and encourage them to write back. It all helps .

We're lucky that we can travel there pretty easily - since January we've been there twice and tomorrow we're off again. You do what you have to do !

I know it's hard to accept that they must go and fly away, following their dreams. My mother left Canada in 1938 to marry my English Dad - she didn't see her own mother for 10 years . We're so lucky that travel is easier these days !

Best wishes to you - I know it's hard, but like many of us here, it can be done.

Many people on here have family living far far away My own son moved to NZ 20 years ago and both daughters moved to Europe one has been back now 11 years
I moved to Asia when I was 20
It’s very hard at first but it gets easier and where my poor mum and dad had to wait two weeks for a letter to even know. i had arrived we have such wonderful means of communication now you can keep in touch so easily
Hide most of your devastation and accept its their lives and save up for some wonderful holidays
Good luck