Just been made to feel I have one foot in the grave

I went silver once I became a grandmother at 44 knowing that I would be perceived as older than that and it’s been swings and roundabouts ever since.

I’ve been given reduced entry into lots of places which has saved a fortune, helped with cabin bags into overhead lockers when I don’t need it but also offered a seat at the bar by gorgeous young Spaniards who are reminded of their grandmothers!

Don't take offence at people's kindness. I'm 70 and often told that I look a lot younger than my age but I do occasionally get offered a seat (but not a crutch, although some days I feel I could do with one). I always accept any offer of help with the good grace it's given. People are being kind so why feel offended?

Society today is often described as being me me. It's so lovely to find instances where that is not the case. The latest thing after mindfulness is now kindliness so lets see more of it and encourage it even if we feel it is misguided when applied to us.

I could not wait to discard my crutches and then my walking stick following my two hip replacements in the last five years.
It is my belief. and unlike my paternal grandmother who was an old! lady at 60 in her ways and dress, they will have to take me kicking and screaming before I will submit to ' youth is for the young.'

I'm afraid this made me laugh out loud as I am 80 and kid myself I don't look it and then surprised when someone offers to carry a meal for me???

For me, it was a very subtle change....when people in shops or on trains etc stopped calling me 'love' and started calling me 'dear'....also, not needing to check I have a valid Senior Railcard!

Giulia....if your hip is so stiff after sitting for a short while, why aren’t you using a stick of your own anyway. It does seem like the sensible thing to do. Arthritic hips can suddenly give way... I know this from personal experience. So ‘ bite the bullet’ and start looking after yourself as well as you’re obviously looking after your other half. I wonder why you use the word mortified about using a crutch. Do you find it a shameful thing.

I think it a kind gesture to offer the crutch if a little odd.
Walking aids are quite a personal item which is why I find it a bit strange.
If they called the lady for her turn while you were gone she'd be crutchless.

Mawbrown Congratulations. In the last decade you may be the one and only person to be offered a seat on the tube. I think the Mayor should arrange an award for you

I can't believe people are complaining because someone is thoughtful enough to offer them a seat!

Went to have a bone density scan this morning. Staff very pleasant, the nurse asked what I was doing when I got home. When I said I would be cutting my grass he patted my hand and said 'bless you, couldn't you get somebody to do it for you?' I am often told that I don't look my age of 72, probably because I am not yet completely grey haired, but I certainly felt ancient today!

Poor kids. When they don't offer older people a seat, they get castigated for being "a thoughtless selfish generation" ad nauseam, and when they do, people are unhappy that the kids innocently thought they looked in need of a sit down!

I would say, smile and take the seat. Better that than not being offered one when you need it (and in my experience and observations, its certainly not the teenagers who act like the elderly and infirm are invisible to them...)

My elderly MIL has had to stand a few times on public transport and she definitely looks frail (now 91 and can't do it any more, sadly). One time I was furious no one offered and wanted to ask someone sitting in a seat reserved for those less able to stand, but MIL was adamant that I shouldn't make a fuss. The carriage was full of young/youngish workpeople plugged into their headphones or (deliberately?) not meeting my stern stare. Were it not for MIL's embarrassment at fuss, I'd have asked them firmly and politely to relinquish a seat.

I sometimes get offered a seat on trains these days because of my greying hair and I always accept graciously and thank them for their kindness - joint pain gets the better of me at times. If I feel well able to stand, though, and it's an elderly gent offering, I politely refuse. I don't see why I should be offered a seat because I'm female.
I too was brought up to offer seats to those who need them more and I always do that unless I'm feeling unwell.

I have never expected young people not to find me old. they think 35 is old.

Young men in computer shops look down on me but I stop that straight away and tell them I was online in the last century.. They then get a glazed look as they try to work out how many years that was with their usual poor grasp of mental arithmetic. Then we can get down to business and they are more polite.

Sometimes it happens differently. I was at Doc's surgery in Austria. An insect bite on my back had turned nasty. He told me to lie down on the bed and he operated straight away( mountain doctors do everything themselves)
Then I got off the bed and he said. You'll make old bones! I can tell by how you move. That perked me up:

Yes what was the husband's response to that!

I held a door for a woman.. she said.."I am quite capable of opening a door" ... I shouted back as she passed... "pixx off you miserable old cow"... it is simply a matter of being nice when one offers to help. I always give up my seat, always have and always will. I will always hold doors open and anything else which is simple good manners.

Johno- I can see you might have been offended, but you don’t know that woman’s experience, and shouting at her like you did only confirms her expectations of younger people.

I was in Lisbon a few years ago, aged around 60, and feeling, in my ankle boots and tunic that I looked quite young and edgy, when I was offered seat on a tram by a young woman. This happened with depressing regularity, until I realised that young people stood for older, not necessarily old, people. I noticed the same thing in Germany, and on Durch trains there are notices asking people to give up their seats to those who need them, noting that “not all disabilities are obvious.”

Dutch trains, obv.

I held a door for a woman.. she said.."I am quite capable of opening a door" ... I shouted back as she passed... "pixx off you miserable old cow"... it is simply a matter of being nice when one offers to help. I always give up my seat, always have and always will. I will always hold doors open and anything else which is simple good manners

Good manners which seem to have escaped you at your vile outburst.
[shocked].

saggi Yes, I'm off to the osteopath now.

gmelon The lady who offered her crutch was already seated in a hospital wheelchair.

I was not offended by her offer. I (half)thought it was hilarious.
I was laughing at my own vanity. I certainly thanked her.

I cant help feeling cheated.
My daughter immigrated to Ireland approximately 8 months ago with her husband and 2 year old son. My only child and grandchild.
I have been visiting them for a month. I was expecting to spend some quality time with my grandson and hoped they would let him stay home with me for some of the time at least. He was sent to school every day and I was allowed to fetch him at 3 on 2 occasions, dads instructions. I overheard my son in law telling someone on the phone he would rather spend time with his own family.
I feel very hurt but said nothing. I have done so much for them and always treated him like one of my family.
I can get a UK ancestral Visa and was considering moving to UK from SA to be closer to them. I cant help thinking I would be worse off as I wonder how often I would see them anyhow.