That was very funny! Like everyone else the intimate washing had me puzzled. I like your humour.
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Hello all, usual good wishes!
Well, as the OP says, I truly do love him, but wish:
He would wipe his feet (a mat is in place) and not leave prints everywhere
Not be so damn clumsy! Things on the table should stay on the table!
He would not make such a mess with his food 
he is surely old enough to be able to eat without making a mess!
Not interfere with the way the curtains hang, they are fine as they are.
Leave the cushions on the sofa alone, ditto the last 6 words above.
Refrain from bringing home things that he thinks I might be pleased with, which I then have to tactfully dispose of.
Feel the need for displays of affection at odd hours of the night, when I was happily asleep. 
Make such a big thing of blatantly washing your (ahem) nether regions when we have company.
Oliver Sprout, you are a dear cat, and we do love you, but there is room for improvement!
I didn't catch on until the last paragraph!!
Thank you so much - really funny. Felt a strange mix of bewilderment and sympathy till I realised it was your cat! 
I assumed you were talking about your husband and was feeling so sorry for him until I read the last bit! Thanks for making me laugh!
Ha ha ...loved it !!! mine yells furiously to go out of the window (she knows it is a bungalow !) …at 4.ooa.m. ...just why she refuses to use the cat flap I know not ……...cats! don't you just luv em ……..I was hoping it wasn't about your husband as I read to the end ………..
I could have added "insisting on being a thorough, brisk fun down with a towel when you come in soaking wet!
Oliver Sprout seems to need re-waterproofing, I have never known a cat to get so sodden!
He loves being dried, and will present himself ready for drying, and will then often go out, and come back in, just as wet for the procedure to be repeated
Minnie just takes one look at any inclement weather and goes either back to bed, or to one of her favourite hobbies, namely moving the landing rug (she seems to think it looks better at a "jaunty" angle, rather than straight) or cataloguing and "filing" her sponge collection.
You have no idea of how disconcerting it can be to step on a washing up sponge in bare feet, in the dark..................
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