What scares you?

Anger with the legislators who refuse medically assisted dying makes me less afraid of dying and I hope to stay angry during my last days, weeks , months, or years.

I don't care about me - would like to live a long healthy life but whatever comes. My fear would be something happening to children or grandchildren.

Alzheimers is a strange disease. My own hubby died after 4 years of suffering but it was a stroke that actually killed him not the Alzheimers. He was 76. Yet our friend had Alzheimers 4 years before my husband was diagnosed and he is still not too bad, and changes little year by year. He is now 83. He seems to have a reasonable memory and still recognises people, but he has lost the ability to read music and play the piano, having once been a music teacher. So it may not be that bad for many people.

I have often wondered if I would wish to be physically impaired or mentally. My dad in the end had to be hoisted everywhere but his mind was very active. He was intrinsically unhappy and at 97 chose to die. He did this by refusing food and drink. My mum is 98 and has dementia but is physically more able. She is the happier of the two and lives in her own little world watching life go by her. She is not aware my dad died and will often tell me he has just popped out to the shops. She is never distressed although she must wonder who I am that keeps visiting her.
One of my biggest dreads was getting cancer but now I have it I am just getting on with it. It has ceased to be a bogeyman. I just live from day to day in the hope I have a few more years.
I worry more about my DC having nearly lost my son a few years ago.

When I'm too old to look after myself, I know I won't be able to fund pleasant living quarters. A friend's father died a few years ago when I was still working, and my professional, graduate salary wouldn't have covered his care costs then, so clearly my salary won't.

Becoming a widow scares me. Not that there's any reason why he should go before me. I would be so lonely without him.

Late to thread but contributing my primary fear and that is the future of my child who lives in residential accommodation. The pay for staff is low, turnover high and standards of care low. He was in a fantastic place until he hit someone and Manager called Police. My child is 5ft 4” and whilst I realise he shouldn’t have done it, child didn’t. He’s still watching CBeebies. He got sectioned, something overturned by Council County later.

So more I could say about my son; his medical conditions, my guilt for getting him in residential care but it just dominates my life. I have no friends and have been deaf from birth too - not related to my son’s multiple conditions.

absent
Road traffic is my biggest scare.Living on the beautiful North Cornish coast I would accept the summer school holiday traffic by revolving around it as we knew it was but for a few weeks. Not any more.
With more housing estates taking over the county and with not just one car a family but in some instances three maybe more, I am now adapting myself to when I can go out in my car without the inevitable tail gaiters and hooting that tells me I should ignore the thirty mile limit and get a move on as ''some of us, big sigh, have to get to work'. I have to live with this scare as there is no treatment against the selfishness of the human race.

Only two things scare me ....any form of dementia.....and not being able to read. Oh, sorry make that three things.... walking, I love to walk and would miss that, but wouldnt stay home because I needed an aide of any sort. Bring on the electric scooter .

Izabella
Absent if you do have to have injections I think the anticipation is worse than the actual event. It's not a picnic, but once you've had one, you know the drill and it's bearable - and worth it! Good luck.

RosieLeah, is there a neighbour who could look out for you? Mine always said that if she saw I had opened the curtains then she knew I was still alive!

I cared for my mother for many years while also trying to care for husband and children. Like others, I don’t want to be dependant on my children. I also don’t want my dgc to remember me as anything other than a loving granny.

This site never works for me. I write a message but I never get any feedback. I’m like you Rosieleah, I have no one & I have a dog. I fear a long, drawn out, painful illness. I want to go every day. I pray to God to let me suffer a huge heart attack or stroke that will take me instantly.

NannyEm at present I'm quite fit and able ( fingers crossed ) and being in " supported housing " which is independent living ( my own front door ) I have also an emergency system connected to my phone should I ever need it so help is never far away. A support officer visits twice a week so I'm well looked after in that respect.

At the moment I'm well enough to see to myself, cook meals and clean etc, also shop too. In fact to be perfectly honest I feel better now in my late 70's than I did mid 60's when I thought the end was nigh. Even tests have shown a vast difference but it's taken a good 10 years to reach this stage. I'm going forwards now instead of backwards.

I have a lot to be thankful for.

My children or grandchildren coming to any harm.After the Ariane Grande concert bombing I felt very anxious for their future as they live in cities - but rationalizing it,and having been in London at the height of IRA terrorism myself I know you can't live each day feeling fearful.
Personally going blind -there's a family history of glaucoma,detached retina and Macular degeneration so odds seem stacked somewhat !
And more worry than fear -climate change, loss of wildlife habitat,loss of green belt whilst brown field sites go undeveloped and the general mess of the environment with plastic and litter.

Veda I read your post I m sorry you feel so down about getting older and being alone I too liv e alone but I have children, two away and one nearby.
I bet your little dog is a great companion it’s a shame to waste your life wondering how the end will happen None of us can ever have any control over the end so all we can do is make the best of what we ve got
My biggest fear is anything happening to my kids or grandkids I pray I go before anything goes wrong with any of them I couldn’t bear it
Of course I also hate the thought of dementia or being a burden and all that goes with those dark thoughts

Hello KatyK. I send you my best wishes and to let you know that you are not alone out there. I too was scared due to my childhood which has not subsided as an adult. You just have to soldier on even though it is not at all easy sometimes. I will be thinking about you from now onwards.

I signed up to Exit International and Dignitas ..my choice, if I am able to travel independently by the time I need to go, would be Dignitas ...but at £11,000 it is expensive ...but I couldn't bare to not be able to see (my biggest fear as I have diabetic retinopathy _) in fact, the only thing that puts me off paying the deposit is the fact that if I die from natural causes first, WHAT HAPPENS TO MY DEPOSIT (WHICH Is quite substantial !!!!!...I know I wouldn't be here to worry, but I hate the thought of it being lost ...I would have to haunt them ………………..by the way I have no family to inherit anything, only donations to charities, etc !

One of my many fears relates to the night time cramp to which I am prone. It can sometimes be excruciatingly painful and I deal with it by leaping out of bed and walking. How will I cope when I become immobile? I can visualise lying there screaming and helpless. What a wuss am I!

I guess you have tried tonic water for your cramp, Chicken.

My great grandmother lived to be 99 and could still ride a bicycle and thread a needle - so my Granny Mac used to tell me. Hopefully I have inherited here genes though I don’t have a bike or sew anything but the occasional button!

Absent, try not to worry about Macular degeneration, but do keep on top of it. Ask your GP if you need a referral to the eye clinic.
I was diagnosed in 2014 by my optician, wouldn't have known otherwise. Got referred and started having the injection every 4 weeks initially. I have the wet type in one eye and the dry in the other. There is no treatment for the dry form, just a healthy diet, lots of veg mainly and I was recommended a supplement called Macushield. The dry form doesn't seem to affect your sight so much either.
I had monthly injections for the wet type(Lucentis) for eighteen months, was then changed to Eyelea for the next however long. To date the condition is stable and I haven't needed an injection for sixteen months and my eyesight is as good as it was before. I do wear varifocal specs but did anyway.
The important thing is not to let it get worse, you won't know and left untreated it can progress rather quickly, so please get referred.
There's lots more I could say on this but I think I've rattled on long enough.
One last thing though, if you smoke, stop.
Good luck.

Ending up in a nursing home - even a 'good' one - concerns me a little.

How kind of you "CaroleAnne" It's no fun is it? I'm sorry you feel like this too. I am lucky that I have a lovely husband (who has put up with a lot from me), lovely daughter, granddaughter and family in general. I told my GP recently how I was feeling and he asked me a few questions. When I told him some of the things that have happened in my life he said 'well you're doing very well, all things considered. You should be proud.' I am trying to think a bit more like that now.

I fear leaving my husband on his own. He has a visual impairment and relies on me increasingly for getting out and about. Also anything happening to my children. We have a young girl go missing on a night out in my city a month ago, with no sign of her since. Her parents must be in hell. That scenario scares me very much.

What scares me? Death doesn't scare me as such, but a long, lingering mental or physical decline, probably in a care home does. I know some care homes are great, my mother-in-law is in a fabulous care home and loves it. But its not for me.
What is it about a care home that scares me then?

Its the constant of presence of others when all you want is five minutes peace and quiet. Its your coffee not quite as strong as you would like, again. Its the constant noise of chatter, its someone else deciding the daily menu, the list goes on. Oh and being obliged to join in with sing-a-longs and bingo.

And later, as you decline, someone taking you to the loo and having to wipe your bum, someone helping you to dress and later deciding what you should wear. The creeping lack of dignity. The gradual withdrawal of who you are to become a shell that needs care and attention.

These things, when I read them back seem dreadfully trivial but they represent an erosion of self. And all there is to look forward to is a wooden box.

So in the early morning hours of a sleepless night, these things flit through my head.