What scares you?

absent my mum has macular degeneration and 2 years ago at my last eye test I was told I have it slightly, I was advised to start taking lutein which I have done ever since. My mum loved reading she now has talking books instead, her biggest frustration is not being able to watch tv because she is partially deaf as well. I actually have lots of fears but my biggest at the moment is not seeing my eldest son again before I die. ?

Oh Rosieleah...how sad,can you make friends with someone locally or even on Facebook who would notice if you hadn't been around? I feel for you & your pets x

The link works PageTurner. Looks interesting. Haven't read yet.

Just to add, the title of the article is:
"82 year old woman with Alzheimer's regains her memory after son puts her on Mediterrean Diet"

This thread made me realize that I am not the only one who worries about the future. I dread being incapacitated and having to rely on others to take care of me. I don't want my children nor my husband to be put into the situation of having to care for me..
I found an interesting article that you all may be interested in reading. I am going to look into the "Mediterrean Diet" and perhaps incorporate it into my lifestyle. Who knows, it just may be the ticket.

returntonow.net/2019/03/01
For the life of me, I can't figure out to hyperlink this on my iPad. Sorry??

Oh dear so many fears and so many unbearable things that have happened to you all. Veda your post struck me as particularly sad. I can only say I'm not the only one who listened and who cares. There are many good people out there in the world if you reach out to them, though I know from personal experience that can be difficult to do at first.

Yes I have fears but am usually quite good at ignoring them and pretending to have a positive attitude. I have had times when I have felt hopeless but having survived them helps to carry on the next time. I'm pretty sure that as the end gets nearer I'll be a cantankerous old B.... but I can't predict the end so why bother? Misadventure I think you are right about our resilience though it sometimes takes some time to realise it!

I can sympathize with the fear of being a burden, but if your family love you it may not be as bad as you fear - it's their perception that matters really. Though I know that being separated by Alzheimer's is a kind of living widowhood, and that is really hard to bear. Oddly enough, my mother is quite happy to be a burden to us, so this fear doesn't affect everyone!

As your physical and mental health decline, you adjust.
Humans are remarkably resilient.
It's not all doom and gloom; my last proper job was organising the activities in a home and we had a really good time, most days.
I had some fabulous pictures of everyone sitting out, sunhats on, skirts rolled up, laughing our heads off.

Wow, its hard isnt it.

Mental decline is horrific. When do you know that your decline is becoming beyond reasonable. Making decisions about your health, your future treatment, your finances need to be done while you are 100% OK. But what if those faculties decline and you don't notice. Are you OK to make the necessary decisions when you are 60+, 70+. 80+. who knows.

It feels a bit to early for me now at 60+. I have verbally expressed my concerns about resuscitation,prolonged care etc. but haven't got that written down. Maybe I should.
But what you decide at 60+may not be what you want at 70+

Life eh??? what's the alternative??

Oh yes . I seem to know what a lot of us are worried about.
Then there is the thing about worrying what will happen if you need residential care. Heaven help me.

I think these concerns are getting at me more as well as the possibilities of mental decline.
I find it difficult to think about it but I should do. I don't think I am one of the older ones.
I also feel increasingly isolated.

Thank you Kim for your kind words.

I feel this so strongly. Both my parents died with dementia as the main diagnosis with my father-in-law close behind. Now my mother in law. These factors have brought me to where I am today,
i dont want my children and grandchildren to remember me as I remember my parents. I dont want to be increasingly reliant ans ultimately a burden to my children. If I could plan my own demise it would be the fatal heart attack, the devastating stroke, the catastrophic head injury following a fall.

Actually, Im quite a positive person. I always feel that like has so much more to offer. But dementia is a thing apart. No one deserves it. It is cruel, demeaning and a long, hard slog for all concerned,

Not fearful , what ever is to come I have to accept, , just learned in the last 15 months this is how it it. If I become frail I will be told I need carers , if worse I will be put in a home where there is room.

Petunia, your eloquence astounds and delights me. Thank you. You have described exactly my thoughts and feelings of my most undesirable future. All these bits and pieces have floated about within me for a while but you have concisely worded and consolidated the dreaded concept to a T. I am cowardly enough to hope for a stark and speedy departure (not just yet though!) from this life. I am currently enjoying remarkably good health which amazes and delights me. Your contribution has me thinking deeply and movingly and I am so grateful that you put your thoughts into words here. Wonderfully astute.

absent that's good to know you're ok

Just for the record for those kind friends who wondered if I am okay – yes, I am okay, just projecting.,

Quickdraw I'd be seeing another GP pronto, if I were you! Disgraceful, unprofessional behaviour. If you have concerns you should absolutely find a doctor who will listen and if necessary provide tests/treatment. "Unlucky family". What a ridiculous, dismissive thing to say to you!

My DF died 3 years ago from Alzheimers after having it for 10 years. He got 2 meds a few years apart that slowed it down, but DM cared for him by herself at home. I was a carer with her his last year. She had her 4th heart attack at the time I had to start DF on hospice care. They stayed with me and him while she was in hospital, but he died with just me by his side while she was still in hospital. Izabella I will add you to my prayer list.
My biggest fear was dying like DF, because it ran in his family, but last Spring I was diagnosed with Kidney Disease. I was so happy in the Dr's office that I danced. She asked me why I was so happy. I told her that I had been afraid for years of losing my mind with Alzheimers, but now I know I'll die of Kidney Disease and keep my mind until the end. I'll be able to say goodbye.

Oh RosieLeah.how worrying for you and your pets.is there no one who could phone or check on you every other day.either by phone or text.

Well your gp is wrong to dismiss you like that. Go and see another one!

I have been scared by my brother's death. He died nearly three years ago aged 51yrs from heart disease. He never had a days illness in his life. My father died aged 58yrs. My worry is that I share their genes. My older brother has already received treatment for his symptoms so he should be ok. GP dismissed my concerns saying I may come from an unlucky family Both dad and brother died early morning so I am wary of getting out of bed

What scares me? Death doesn't scare me as such, but a long, lingering mental or physical decline, probably in a care home does. I know some care homes are great, my mother-in-law is in a fabulous care home and loves it. But its not for me.
What is it about a care home that scares me then?

Its the constant of presence of others when all you want is five minutes peace and quiet. Its your coffee not quite as strong as you would like, again. Its the constant noise of chatter, its someone else deciding the daily menu, the list goes on. Oh and being obliged to join in with sing-a-longs and bingo.

And later, as you decline, someone taking you to the loo and having to wipe your bum, someone helping you to dress and later deciding what you should wear. The creeping lack of dignity. The gradual withdrawal of who you are to become a shell that needs care and attention.

These things, when I read them back seem dreadfully trivial but they represent an erosion of self. And all there is to look forward to is a wooden box.

So in the early morning hours of a sleepless night, these things flit through my head.

I fear leaving my husband on his own. He has a visual impairment and relies on me increasingly for getting out and about. Also anything happening to my children. We have a young girl go missing on a night out in my city a month ago, with no sign of her since. Her parents must be in hell. That scenario scares me very much.

How kind of you "CaroleAnne" It's no fun is it? I'm sorry you feel like this too. I am lucky that I have a lovely husband (who has put up with a lot from me), lovely daughter, granddaughter and family in general. I told my GP recently how I was feeling and he asked me a few questions. When I told him some of the things that have happened in my life he said 'well you're doing very well, all things considered. You should be proud.' I am trying to think a bit more like that now.

Ending up in a nursing home - even a 'good' one - concerns me a little.

Absent, try not to worry about Macular degeneration, but do keep on top of it. Ask your GP if you need a referral to the eye clinic.
I was diagnosed in 2014 by my optician, wouldn't have known otherwise. Got referred and started having the injection every 4 weeks initially. I have the wet type in one eye and the dry in the other. There is no treatment for the dry form, just a healthy diet, lots of veg mainly and I was recommended a supplement called Macushield. The dry form doesn't seem to affect your sight so much either.
I had monthly injections for the wet type(Lucentis) for eighteen months, was then changed to Eyelea for the next however long. To date the condition is stable and I haven't needed an injection for sixteen months and my eyesight is as good as it was before. I do wear varifocal specs but did anyway.
The important thing is not to let it get worse, you won't know and left untreated it can progress rather quickly, so please get referred.
There's lots more I could say on this but I think I've rattled on long enough.
One last thing though, if you smoke, stop.
Good luck.