Need you again

Scribbles, the fens , be very flat yes ?

I have only just come across this thread and I really cannot offer anything more than what other people have said. Maybe discuss the feasibility of such a move with your therapist but at the end of the day go with your heart.

Whatever you choose know that we will all still be here to support you. Sending you my best wishes.

True Dragonfly if I move I can take you all with me .

Thinking of you every day x

Annie, your beloved Catherine would want what’s best for you. In your heart you know the answer is to now go and grieve with her darling sister, you would be such a help to each other.xx

I live on the edge of the Cambridgeshire fens, Annie. It's a shock to the system when you are used to mountains but the fens have a beauty of their own.

Flat is good when you're getting on in years.

Yes, Annie. Very flat but still interesting. A complete change from what you're used to but as Merlotgran says, flat has its plus side when the arthritic knees start making themselves felt.

Annie I believe you have said that in the past you've relied on GN and you'd still have that but you'd also have a real loving daughter close by.
You try cope with loneliness but with your daughter at hand you wouldn't have to deal with such loneliness.
You are so aware of the promise you made to care for your GC and can regard it as a promise kept and success achieved that they are happily independent.
As things are, the bridge really only exists in your memory as you never confront the reality of it. You'd still have that memory but it wouldn't loom so large and wouldn't limit the freedom you're aiming for.
Apart from your deep-rooted love of Wales there's no solid reason to stay. Your loving daughter is a product of Wales and embodies what you love. The suggestion to take the soil and the daffodils is a lovely idea and would be a meaningful symbol.
I'm sure that taking time to weigh up the pro's and con's, with thought and prayer, will get you where you need to be.

I have hesitated to join in Annibach because I can see how torn you are but I too am leaning towards the offer of the move. There is much to recommend- a daughter who lives nearby, and for whom you too can be company, so it is not one-sided.
Your heart may belong in Wales but it has such tragic memories for you too. Leave that bridge behind you.
The grandchildren are young and independent and, more importantly, able to travel easily so you will probably see as much of them as you do now.
Finally, is this the daughter who took on your little dog? How happy would she be!

My younger daughter has four dogs and four cats ! She adores them. One thing I can say with certainty, if I moved there no way would I join her on her hours walk on the fens with the dogs every morning at 8.00am , regardless of weather .

Wish I could explain my love of the mountains , look at them every morning when I get up and always at sunset ,if the mist isn’t covering them.

Can’t explain Hiraeth

You could cover your walls with paintings, photographs and posters of your mountains. You could find a website which shows photos, even perhaps a webcan trained on a real view that would change hourly.

And you would have a view of your daughter daily, moving and talking..

What would my elder daughter say? She would never want me living in this isolation , years ago she had planned an extension on their house for me should I need it. Annie, I think she would say open the doors of your cage and fly. I know what a wrench it will be to leave Wales, and the things that truly feed your soul, but there are bigger considerations for your wellbeing now.

Like these. There are a lot more.
www.northwales.com/north-wales-top-5-webcams/
www.camscape.com/Europe/United%20Kingdom/Wales/index.html
www.thewhitespider.com/webcams/snowdonia-cams
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8443503.stm
www.breconbeacons.org/webcams
ogwen-rescue.org.uk/webcams/
visitbala.org.uk/about-the-area/the-welsh-lake-district/

Elegran. beautiful x

Now I do understand your mountain problem annie - as would my DD. She went from our Welsh border home to a university interview and came back and said she liked the university and the course but the countryside was "flat, flat, flat"!

I think you would take a while to get used to that TBH, so that is one item that would go on the negative side of your list - but I suspect the plus side will prove to be a longer list!

I wouldn’t see my younger daughter every day, her husband has said when he is abroad I can but when he is home her visits will be limited to certain days and times , I am use to that with him, when he is away we ring each other every day but when he is home I wait for her to phone me.

He doesn’t bully her, he has always lived this way. Doesn’t help that he really doesn’t like the Welsh and the Welsh extended family really bugs him.

annie it is,always a tough decision to move from a familiar and "safe" place to somewhere new. You would be going to somewhere where you know someone who loves you and where your DGC could visit. Your health may improve if you feel less alone. Can you talk to a counsellor or GP who may have gelp on how to manage the change/ journey. Good luck with the decision. ?

Hmmm annie - the son-in-law thing sounds a bit weird TBH. He sounds very controlling - do you get on with him?

Seems I'm in the minority here!

Usually on GN, nine times out of 10 people says don't do it, what if they move, you may fall out, etc., if members say they're thinking of moving to be near their adult child.

I can quite understand your love of the mountains, Annie, your Welsh mountains. We moved to Lincolnshire from Hampshire, near the Hampshire Downs and I missed those small hills! I absolutely hated it for a whole year. Now, it really feels like home. You will have the bonus of being near your daughter; I think that would weigh the balance quite heavily in favour, I may have missed it, but will you be in a village or a town?

Luckygirl. We have no contact with each other , I know if I decided to move there I wouldn’t see him, when my younger daughter comes home he always drives her, she can’t do the five hour drive, they always stay in a hotel in town, he has refused all invites to stay with the family even refused an invite to stay at my brother’s house which is a lovely country house. They stay three days twice a year , he spends the time climbing the mountains. The day Catherine died he drove my younger daughter home, dropped her off at my house and drove straight back to Lincolnshire, 10 hour drive . He didn’t come to the funeral he had to go abroad but arranged a taxi to bring younger daughter home and take her back two days later. He adores my younger daughter but doesn’t want anything to do with me or the family. Difficult to explain what he is like , think his years as an Army Captain and his work now causes him to be distant from us, I know he doesn’t like my closness to my son in law who isn’t but I have never spoken of him to them .

Riverwalk If Annie had been part of a close supportive community I would have hesitated to recommend moving away from it, but she has not lived in her present area very long, and has often said that she when she moved there she left her congregation and neighbours behind, She would be going where she had more support, not less.

Nandalot I think it’s a town, certaintly not a village. I just looked up the population , about 4,500

I am wondering Annie if being closer to your DD you would feel more upset by the behaviour of your SiL. Could this come between you and your DD and your DD and your SiL?

I have been upset by such people in the past but could put them out of my mind as they were far away. What if you really needed something on a day when your DD is not allowed to see you?

His army background probably does explain it but it doesn't make it right.

Sorry to put a damper on it but think very carefully about leaving your beloved mountains.

dragonfly I am sure the reason he wants to buy the bungalow is to make my younger daughter happy not me . I know if I needed her she wouldn’t give a toss if it wasn’t on a set day , she would come . I don’t want her torn between him and me, I wouldn’t be demanding, i’m Not a demanding person, content to fit in with others .

I’ve only just found this thread. What a difficult dilemma for you Annie. On reading through the thread I realise how difficult it will be for you to move, but I think if you do, you will be happy with your choice. Leaving the place where you feel close to Catherine will be hard, but you will take her with you wherever you go, you will always have your memories of her, they will never be lost, wherever you live.
I also realise that you will miss your beautiful mountains, but you will be exchanging these mountains for the love and companionship of your daughter, who understandably wants you near to her, so she can see you regularly and help you if necessary.
Your SiL sounds a strange one, very controlling, but if he never sees you anyway, he will have little impact on you. As long as he doesn’t prevent your daughter from seeing you, even if it can’t be every day, you probably don’t need to worry too much about him.
I do understand why your daughter wants you to live near her. After my lovely old Dad died some three years ago, and the following year, my Mum’s sister, my auntie died, I wanted Mum to come to live near to me, where I could ensure she wasn’t lonely, and had help when she needed it. I do have a sister who lived near Mum,she she is mentally ill and unable to offer any support to Mum. Anyway, Mum moved down here some eight months ago, and is very happy, no longer lonely, and we can help her as necessary. It was absolutely the right choice, and Mum is very happy. Several of her adult grandchildren and nieces have visited, as I’m sure your grandchildren will do. You can look after them wherever you are, as they are adults. You can phone, text, FaceTime them, and keep up with their lives as you promised their mother.
You will have more support, and the love of your daughter Annie, if you move.