Gransnet forums

Chat

Should I tell my sons?

(34 Posts)
sodapop Fri 11-Jan-19 19:48:17

I agree with Madgran your sons need to know and its quite selfish of your husband to keep this to himself. I can understand why he feels as he does but he needs to put his own concerns to one side for the sake of his children. You need to tell them even if it makes your husband angry.

mumofmadboys Fri 11-Jan-19 19:43:54

What does your DH not want passed on to the boys? The fact he has had a heart attack? Do the lads already know about the stents? If it is the former you could tell the boys the importance of looking after themselves in view of the family history.

merlotgran Fri 11-Jan-19 19:41:43

They're not just his sons, they're your sons too. Their future health is bound to be of concern to you.

I would definitely tell them.

notanan2 Fri 11-Jan-19 19:41:27

If you tell them he will stop telling you!

Baggs Fri 11-Jan-19 19:37:14

Knowledge is power. Tell them.

Niobe Fri 11-Jan-19 19:35:07

I would tell them and then the decision about their future lifestyle is up to them. Your husband is being a selfish git by refusing to tell them about the risks he, and his genes, have passed onto them.

Madgran77 Fri 11-Jan-19 19:33:17

Is your DH thinking about this from the perspective of his sons having the same chance to take care of themselves that he had? If not then he is a very silly and selfish "Alpha Male" - I don't mean that unkindly...just that he needs help to look at this from others perpectives rather than just his own! I would work on that one with him.
IF he won't change his mind then, if it was me, I would tell your sons but I would also tell your husband (their father!!) what you are doing and why. Explain why you have to do this for your sons, from a health perspective so that they have same choices as he had ...and tell him that much as you love him, on this occasion you HAVE to put your sons interests first!

tanith Fri 11-Jan-19 19:32:59

Sounds very selfish of your Husband but I don’t know if I’d tell without his sayso.

Millie8 Fri 11-Jan-19 19:25:45

Sorry if this is a bit long but I'm worried and would appreciate your advice especially if you have experienced similar.

My 65yr old husband had stents fitted in his arteries in 2004, due to slight chest pain while he was out running. The Cardiologist said if he had been a couch potato he wouldnt have got the warning pain and the problem would have gone unnoticed until it was too late. He is tall, slim, very active, runs for 90 mins 3 times a week plus other excercise and has done this for the last 40 years. He can't eat fatty food, doesn't drink or smoke (for 40 yrs ). Has low cholesterol, good BP, is on statins and asprin. As you can see he is doing all the right things but he had a slight heart attack this December. He had more stents inserted and all is well now, there was no damage to his heart. Both Cardiologists said the only reason for the heart attack is family history - his father died age 62 after heart attacks and strokes and lead a very unhealthy life. This is why H has always taken care of himself as he doesn't want to end up like his Dad. There is nothing that can be done for our two boys in the way of prevention except to have healthy lifestyles.

My problem is, H wont tell our 2 boys - he looks at it as a weakness (typical alpha male!!!) But I think they have a right to know so they can make adjustments to their lives if they want to, especially as they are both planning to have children. They dont smoke but do like a drink and junk food and one does shift work.

Do you think I should tell the boys and swear them to secrecy? I want them to be aware but will it worry them too much? If we kept it secret, things have a way of getting out and I would hate them to find out we had kept it from them. What if similar happened to them and we haddn't warned them. If it was my Dad, I would want to know. I think everyone should know their familys health history.
Please dont suggest persuading H to tell them, I have tried all reasoning and he is adamant. angry.