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Advice needed re Daughter's 40th Birthday

(31 Posts)
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NudeJude Tue 08-Jan-19 18:47:54

In answer to Grammarreto's question, yes, I see my granddaughters as often as I can manage to travel, I'm disabled which is the reason behind the move, so it's not as easy to go as I would like, we were of course expecting to share the long distance journeys when the move was first planned. Two out of her 3 daughters now live with their Dad, as they can't stand the new man in her life, and unfortunately, after all the problems we had, it was a case of you won't see me if you can't accept my man, who in the first place we welcomed into our home, but who has since shown his true colours, controlling personality, drug user, and various other character traits that I'd prefer not to go into. You say to give her money, but when she left her marriage, she came away with the best part of £100k, two years later, she was evicted from the rented house they lived in, for non payment of rent, it had all gone up their noses, and on booze!! So money is something that I won't give her.

Thanks for the ideas so far, please keep them coming.

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J52 Tue 08-Jan-19 18:17:55

How about finding out if theirs a beautician or spa near to her and getting a voucher for a pamper session.

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Grammaretto Tue 08-Jan-19 18:15:10

I'm sorry to read this. Falling out with a beloved child is so painful. I'm sure many on here will be sympathetic.
You have held out an olive branch. Give her a gift which you know she will like. If she needs money. Give her money.
Then leave her alone until after the birthday to avoid another crisis. You mention her daughters . Does that mean you see them though you don't see their mother?

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MissAdventure Tue 08-Jan-19 17:57:43

I might be inclined to buy her something more personal.
Its her 40th, and she is still your daughter, although of course it doesn't change the situation, and I don't blame you for keeping your distance.

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Teetime Tue 08-Jan-19 17:53:45

I think I would stick to flowers - very hard to take exception to a beautiful bunch of flowers.

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NudeJude Tue 08-Jan-19 17:49:05

Hi everyone!

I'm writing in on the suggestion of my husband, who says I spend every day of my life on here, so I might as well ask for your thoughts, lol.

Anyway, this is my problem - Over the last 2 1/2 years, my daughter and I have barely been on speaking terms. Some of you may remember me having some major problems with her since she got together with a new man, she neglected her children in favour of him, and seemed to blame me for all her troubles because her change of lifestyle, coincided with us moving 200 miles away. The things that they both said and did, left me distraught, and of course my husband (not her father), was left to pick up the pieces. I saw her in August for the first time in 2 years, and was shocked to find that I'd been hurt so badly, that while she cried when we met up I really didn't feel anything, which is SO unlike me, as I'm a real softy, but I think I have been so badly hurt that I literally feel like she has broken my heart. I do still try and keep in touch every couple of weeks, but it's only ever by text, which I've now refused to do unless it's just a quick 'are you OK?', as she often chooses to misunderstand things, and then picks a fight, so I've told her that texting is too easy to fall out over, and if she wants a chat, she should call me, or we can talk on FaceTime. She hasn't called me since. Anyway, that's a very small bit of background, doubtless you'll have questions that I'll be happy to answer. However, later this month she will be having her 40th birthday, and I'm now in a real pickle about whether or not to buy her a special gift. I was supposed to have seen her and her partner just before Christmas, but she cancelled saying she was unwell, which none of her daughter's believed! As I had been expecting to see them, I'd taken a box of luxury chocolates, more as a gesture than anything, and also gave a Christmas card, although not anything like the lovey dovey ones we used to exchange. Since we fell out, neither of us have sent gifts of any sort, until the chocolates, so I really don't know how to proceed, as I think I shall probably feel like an expensive gift would not be appreciated, or might even be sold as they are so short of money, and a basic gift, will probably go down like a lead balloon.

Sorry if this is a bit garbled, but I guess it just goes to show my state of mind.

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