Betrayed

I'm glad to hear that the children stayed with him. My son also has his children with him, their mother isn't interested at all any more. With me as "the glue" he is doing really well.

My son got his daughter some psychiatric help when she felt abandoned by her mother - this was and is very helpful. I'd certainly recommend such intervention. Both children are now doing really well. Best wishes to you and your son.

Your DS is very fortunate to have such a supportive mum. Glad the children have stayed with him. Do they still see their mum? Keep up the good work. I agree a good friend who you can talk to confidentially would be a great help.

Did he really have the best advice at the separation stage? Could that be revisited?
Is he entitled to any benefits? Not quite a benefit but if the children are under 18 he might claim 25% council tax discount. Would downsizing be an option?

I realise this may only be scratching the surface financially but may provide that bit extra which would get the counselling started sooner.
It is so distressing for everyone but, having been in a similar situation, I know that this mustn't be seen as one huge insurmountable difficulty but rather a series of problems which should be tackled one by one e.g. review advice then look at any financial help available. Investigate cost of counselling.
Step by step and as calmly as possible.
I wish you and your family well and believe you'll find the strength you need but do please keep your own health in mind.
Many years on, my family is fine and the awful stress is just an unpleasant memory.

Anja - what a lovely post.

Well said. Having been the family glue for many years I know it can be done. It is often exhausting but bolstering others with encouragement, positivity and yes, physical effort can be done. It becomes a way of life.

I am so sorry to hear your story patricia. Your son and his children have been through a very rough patch.

For me, the song was "He's not heavy, he's my brother" even though in my case the weight was that of my dear children. The sentiment was the same.

It truly is a labour of love to be the anchor - or the rock - and you do have to put your own needs and desires on hold, but you must make sure you take care of yourself too. I found the physical and mental effort of being there and being supportive to keep it all together was actually easier to bear than the constant heartache I felt because they'd had such a rough deal and were hurting.

You can do it - because like most of us, there is no choice and you care. Best wises.

Sending you my best wishes.

You never know how strong you can be until you have to be ‘the glue’. You can do it as morethan said. Even starting this thread shows you have great coping skills and you know how to reach out and talk to others.

When my toddler grandson died, I had to be ‘the glue’ too as everyone else was falling apart. You will find an inner strength and just when you think it’s all too much, somehow, from somewhere you find more.

Remeber that song ‘There’s something inside so strong’?

You might find it helps to write down your feelings or perhaps listen to music. I found both these helped when ‘the night was too dark and the road too long’.

Hang on in there Patricia

You can do it patricia one step, one minute, one day at a time. It’s surprising that the unbearable can be born, especially when supporting our family. You’ll find the strength and words to support them. If you can find a friend who can support you while you support them then that will be a great help and of course you can share your feeling here. I find letting my feeling out is better than putting a brave face on things. I just find if I suppress my feelings they fester and that impinges on my ability to support my family.
Best wishes I’m sure with your help your family will find a way of coping