Errm, can we rewind and try that again?

Having once said that I was looking for orga*m*c produce in the supermarket,I now find it impossible to say organic....in any case my malapropism sounds far more inviting!

I used to be a school dinner lady and one day whilst serving the children one of the male teachers decided to queue up with the kids. So as he got to me, because he was so much taller than the kids, I innocently said "Oh, you're a big boy aren't you?" "So I've been told," he replied and all of the women on service with me collapsed in hysterics!! It certainly brightened up our day

It is so easy to make mix ups.... someone told me very earnestly recently that he was going for execution lessons to improve his speech. I had a job to keep a straight face!

I laughed out loud at several!

Thanks so much for these very funny stories. They really made me laugh.

I once had just got out of the shower to answer the front door as I knew there was a package to be delivered. I just held a towel up in front of me. I grabbed the small parcel but wondered why the postman kept looking beyond me and once I’d closed the door I realised he’d caught my bare back view in the mirror behind me. So embarrassing.

What a lovely thread. Been giggling away.

Must admit I have never been guilty of such mishaps but a number of times my wife has excelled herself.

She used to work as a buyer for a male dominated engineering company. One day, in the open plan office, a young engineer asked her to buy a quantity of good quality batteries and she asked him would he like the ones that make your rabbit last longer. She could not understand why the males in the office were all rolling about on the floor. She was of course referring to the Duracell advert with the Bunny.

Another occasion we were walking down the street, me with a nice new leather jacket. It started to rain and I said I hope this leather doesn't spoil in the rain. My wife said "have you ever seen a spoilt cow". I just looked at her.

BradfordLass72

Brilliant!!

that reminds me of a time an old friend said she was celebrating VD day.. meaning VE day celebrations. made me and her laugh.

when you next see him ,say the SD card arrived just in time.and smile sweetly. even though you might be red in the face,

Last week DGS and I had dressed up as PJMasks, he was Owlette and I Gecko, I had taken off the cape but forgotten the face paint - until I opened the door to the postman. Luckily he was young , probably had young kids and said “ parcel Ghecko!” Lol

I left my 3 year old daughter in front of Schools TV while I got ready and didn't know what she'd seen until we were in the local cafe where she told a lovely old dear that she saw " ababy coming right out of its mummys bum" Poor old soul was horrified.We din;t stay for our drinks

Oh dear, "whose" - not "who's" - wish there was an edit facility - even missed it on preview.

I love these stories, such a tonic.

When I was very much younger and in the days when we had a bath, I was taking a long soak when the doorbell rang. I would normally ignore it but was expecting a parcel containing a gift for a friend who's birthday was that day.

So I grabbed a towel, wrapped it round me and went to answer the persistent ringing.

The young man on the doorstep looked taken aback at my attire and stammered, 'I've come to read the meter.'

Reluctantly, I invited him in, saying, 'Sorry, I was expecting the postman.'

He read that meter in record time and fled.

I’m glad I’m not the only one phoenix. When my husband first had his allotment the postman was bringing packages every day containing seed potatoes, onion sets, seeds and netting. I joked that as they were all in plain brown packaging the postman might think they were from Ann Summers. One day a parcel arrived while my husband was out so I text him “Latest Ann Summers parcel arrived, should be a good weekend” and promptly sent it to an elderly relative. I still blush when I see her!

Love these tales. Many years ago now, I developed a very abscess on my nether regions which required rather close examination by male GP. Daughter too young to be left in waiting room, so had to take her in whilst I was examined. So I prepared her for the situation by explaining that ‘Mummy had a poorly fanny, and Doctor needed to look and see how he could make it better’! As I was checking in for my appointment, Iwas horrified to hear my three year old telling the packed waiting room ‘My Mummy has a poorly fanny!’ I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me!!!

Well done Phoenix! I could do with a laugh

I had to re-read the post about Scrooge taking to Bob Marley 3 time before the penny dropped! ???

grandtanteJE65 it was a tradional stonefronted bungalow built in 1930s Edinburgh. We never used the bolt incase one of us - me and 3 small children - had a fall or got locked in.
It wasn't a good design.

Like yours grandmac
Driving home Boxing Day looking at the lovely Christmas Lights said out loud “ I am going to put coloured fairy lights on my bush in the front next year”
Laughed poor Hubby out to pull over?

I have always wondered what kind of builder placed a toilet so that it and the door to the bathroom faced the front door? My great-aunt always insisted that her bathroom door was kept shut, as if not the first thing you saw when the front door was opened was the toilet. Surely builders of her generation should have been just as embarrassed at the thought?

Thanks DanniRae. It still makes me cringe and I have never complained to a neighbour again. Said neighbour did look surprised though. ?

Oh Purpledaffodil your post has really made me roar with laughter. I had trouble reading it out to my husband because I was laughing so much. "Is that your organ throbbing........." Priceless!!!