Hello all, and good wishes to you.
Well, it's all going wrong!
First I managed to break a beautiful glass baubles that we bought at the Christmas market in Munich in 2003 
It cost 20 euro, but that is not the point.
Then, despite dangling out of the bedroom window, Mr P was unable to securely fix his meteor storm, the other outside lights are refusing to stay attached to the window frame and are now back in their box.
Referring to one of my many lists, I went to take the two different types of stuffing out of the freezer, to discover they were both the same 
Then I noticed that the house was a bit chilly, so turned up the thermostat. No difference.
Mr P wondered if we were out of oil, 
. So he dismantled the broom and went outside to put the handle into the tank and measure the level.
A few calculations on the back of an envelope later, and he declared that we had around 560 litres, so that was ok.
So, pressed the reset button on the boiler, crossed our fingers and waited.
Zilch.
Phoned our trusty heating engineer to find that he was ill in bed, but if he's feeling well enough, will come out tomorrow, with 2 warnings, firstly it would count as a bank holiday call out (with associated cost 
) and also that it sounded as if it might be the pump, and he might not have the right parts in stock. (Bugger!)
Finally, I have managed to lose the gadget that I need for one of my COPD meds, so will have to phone the surgery tomorrow and hope they can help!
Still, there's a casserole to go in the oven soon, so that will warm the kitchen up a bit, and when I boil the gammon tomorrow, that should help too.
Although, as it won't fit in the slow cooker, it will have to be cooked on the hob, which will make a lot of steam AND THE EXTRACTOR FAN HAS DIED!
Break open the Baileys, ladies, I think I need a large one!
? Is MrP some sort of gang master phoenix? Is that why he locks you in?
By the way. You are in trouble on the Roasties thread. I am reporting you to the RSPCGAV so there ?
You have a point, Doodle, after all there was that time when Mr P locked me, and as I was halfway out of the kitchen window, the postlady thought I was locked out, and tried to push me back in..........
Oh phoenix I know it's only 3 steps but it wise?
The ladder could slip leaving you hanging from the guttering with your feet dangling inches from the ground. ?
The lights might be faulty and off with a bang. You could end up face down in the toilet. ?
The wind might blow very hard and the light cable could wrap itself round you so tightly you'd be strung up there unable to move till Mr P comes home.?
A polar bear could be attracted by the lights and run off with you to his snowy den.. or an eagle could swoop down and carry you away ?
You may say that's a bit far fetched but it is you we are talking about phoenix so anything is possible!
Onslow the turkey.
Creased up! 
Good one EllanVannin
Shh, don't tell him, but while he's at work tomorrow, I'm going to get the step ladder out and have a go at putting the meteor storm lights up on the guttering outside the downstairs toilet!
And, with regard to the other lights, .although I will have to really grit my teeth, (they are multi coloured ) I might, just might, wind the damn things round the bannisters.
just for clarification, the turkey will not be being basted in my vest
Snort! G&T everywhere!
I quite like the idea of a butch turkey complete with string vest.....
Ha ha Doodle Yes the curse of the gammon.
Oh Phoenix I am so sorry. What a time to lose heat. There is nothing for it than to layer up in woollies, socks, scarves and pour yourselves a stiff drink for shock. Medicinal purposes naturally. I hope it can be mended before the big day and as one OTT Christmas person to another, please send Mr P my sympathies. The meteor storm was such a good idea.
BTW, just for clarification, the turkey will not be being basted in my vest, it will be cooked in the usual way. 
However, should I become a tad warm while cooking, it may well be that I remove a layer or two!
Sorry phoenix but your tale of woe made me smile. Understand the sadness at the bauble, it’s always the irreplaceable things that jump out of our hands. Still, tis the season for things to go wrong, you should be safe now, you’ve had your share. Happy Christmas 
.
Charleygirl I would agree, our usual decorations are ones that we have had for years, don't know what got into Mr P with regard to outdoor decorations
Sorry to say that the number of cards we receive wouldn't amount to much of a display, but in all fairness we have reduced the number that we send in the post.
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