Argy Bargy madness, come right in! ??

GG .....shocking! ?
Meno sorry to tell you, but although you did get off the ship, I am now sending you back onto it!So get that mixture down you while you can.
You have to try and get the Admiral and the Captain to pay their bar bills.You are the largest and stoutest of us all, but even so, take a baseball bat with you, and don’t take no for an answer.

Hello all. I see that marydoll hasn’t made it back for the party in soop’s kitchen or perhaps she’s gone back to try and find the bits of clothing she left behind. She seemed very interested in the handsome young men with feather dusters that were there to help with the cleaning up. I did try and persuade them to come and help out in the Argy but they said they’d heard all about you granygravy and weren’t sure they’d be safe ??

You're a hard taskmaster Lemon, I'll do it this once but if I'm not back by tonight, don't bother looking for me because I will be having a good time

meno, meno where are you? ?
Not back yet I see. Having a good time then......but who with I wonder ???

Get back here pronto with the money Meno !
How very dare you go partying when you are needed here
(Thor is missing you, and those loos won’t clean themselves either.)

No

Hussy!!! ?

Jealous lemon? ?

Stuck in downward dog (yoga) can someone ring the fire brigade, I like a man in uniform!!! ?‍??‍??‍?

GG is your arm meant to be twisted around your arse?
You really go overboard with your yoga moves!
Have called the fire brigade anyway, as we all like a man in uniform.???‍?

Last warning coming up Meno ! Back to The Argy at once !
You did get the money for the bar bills I presume?

Err granny are you not supposed to wear some underwear when doing certain yoga positions? Which way up ar3 you by the way? ?

You just can’t get the staff these days!
Meno is off junketing somewhere, GG13 is tied up in knots, marydoll has vanished back to her Scottish tribe in the Highlands on a mission of honour ( fighting over a man)
In the traditional Highland manner of wrestling, bare breasted, with a twelve pound baby under one arm.
Chewy and Jalima were last seen arm in arm with some sailors, weaving all over the road and singing I belong to Glasgow ( even though they don’t!)
I am very cross with them all, leaving me and Doodle to do all the work and keep up with all the demands of Thor,
Trev,Big Jim, Maureece, assorted ferrets and a busy bar to run.

....and where is Day6 and Pogs and the old faithfuls that were always good for the washing up and loo cleaning ( in return for a pint or two) ?
And, to cap it all, George Clooney has escaped again! The Nespresso machine has gone with him, blast!

actually lemon I think it was my fault George escaped. He said he needed to use the gents and I unchained him just for a second. That was all it took. He just grabbed the nespresso machine and ran out of the door shouting save me, save me, they’re all sex mad in there. I tried to run after him but I fell over one of the ferrets and by the time I got up he’d gone. Really sorry?. On the other hand...please meet Sven..??‍♂️. He actually helped to pick me up when I fell over the ferrets. He’s nowhere to stay at the moment so I said he could bed down in the cellar for a few nights.....and yes, before you ask lemon those are real muscles ? . And the best news, the others are all away...we’ve got him to ourselves ? and he’s about 30 years younger than George ?

Ok ok I'm back, it was boring aboard ship tbh so I'll clean the loo and scrub George Clooney but only if I can heat up the poteen for a quick snifter. I know my place and I don't want to stress you Lemon, you're a decent sort after all.

George has gone meno sorry. ?. He said you wore him out. He couldn’t take any more. ?

Evening all. I am knackered. I saw George Clooney charging out of the Argy with the coffee machine under his arm, so I have been giving chase. I collared him when he fell and knocked himself out. I had to give him the kiss of life, didn't I? He came round and was too strong <swoon> for me and threw me off (It was like something from a Barbara Cartland novel, trust me. He was so dashing and masculine....)

He chucked the coffee machine at me and said if it was the price of his freedom we could have it. I had to frisk him for the coffee pods, and believe me, he was positively bulging with pods so I have a good supply of them too.

When I left him he was trembling...(because he said he needed his analyst and some immediate therapy but I think he was very aroused by me.) I made him promise to call in and see us again sometime, and he said he'd say anything if I'd leave him alone. I do have a way with men.

Anyway, I broke the heels of my white knee length plastic kinky boots in the chase so I hope the Argy will compensate me. I also need to know about the supply of sailors you seem to have. I haven't met one on the premises yet and I feel I am missing out. Can I have a pint of mild and a vodka-malibu chaser please?

Have you looked in the cellar day6 they sometimes - hide - sleep in there

Day6.......respect!
Well done you, for saving our Nespresso machine and all the pods!
Clooney was more trouble than we thought anyway.
Would you accept this parcel of bloaters in gratitude?
We can’t run to new pairs of kinky boots just at present. ?

Just popped in for a nightcap.....just got antibiotics and not supposed to have any alchohol, but what the heck, what harm can a pint of creme de menthe do?
Ah! My comfy chair....but who’s this slumped in it? A fur coat, black fishnet stockings, white stilettos....of course, it’s the Captain, on shore leave.

Bloaters, lemon in return for knocking out Clooney, bringing him back to life - I specialise in French kissing when reviving conked out blokes - and retrieving the Nespresso machine? Is that it? And no new kinky boots? I despair of this establishment. I shall help myself to a rum and black with a parasol in it as recompense.. Sigh.

Ye gods!!! I see that floozy is attacking a poor drag queen nautical looking chap in the corner. She is demanding he rubs chip fat on her chest because she is feeling poorly! Hah! That is the oldest trick in the book. (Works for me every time)

Doodle thanks for the tip-off. I shall go down into the cellar to see if that's where the spare talent is hiding. I do hope any sailors down there are in full uniform. I met Trev on the stairs. He said they need female clients as they have the horn. What??

Oh how disappointing. He meant hornpipe. Trev is an imbecile! It was a drunk in a kiss-me-quick hat pogo-ing to a Roger Whittaker sea-faring number. It's about as near to a proper sailor as I am likely to get in this place so I might try that brassy lemon's chip fat routine. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Good evening Argies, sorry I've been incognito for a while.
I've been on a secret mission with the Vice Admiral, a very fit chap .

I have just spoken to Soop and she has asked me to send you her very best wishes and hopes to visit soon. The internet access in hospital is non existent.

As the hospital food is basically cr**, just like the internet, she needs a pick me up and wonders if she could get a home delivery of Argy poteen, that is if you lot haven't drunk it all.

By the way, did I say the Vice Admiral was very fit? Especially in his Whites. Reminds me of Robert Mitchum, with a touch of Gregory Peck and John Wayne thrown. I'm absolutely exhausted.

Send Soop our best marydoll.....we didn’t know she was in hospital, and we all hope she will be better soon.
I did notice the baked goods had stopped arriving, in fact we have no tummy upsets here at all but our regulars are clamouring for slices of haggis, and fried Mars Bars and other Scottish delicacies.
We will send a big bottle of poteen as soon as it matures (it takes three days you know!)
marydoll you are incorrible you hussy.?

Yes send soop my love too marydoll. Hope the op went well. She must be exhausted with all the recent goings on. A pint or two of poteen will certainly put the colour back on her cheeks ( might be green rather than a rosy glow though) ?