How private should a pm be?

The person who sent me the nasty PM only dips in and out of the forums and rarely (if ever) has a nice word to say to anyone .

Gosh Merlot how do you know people copy PM their supporters? I would never have thought of that.

I think it was MissA who said post the PM and don't name the sender, I agree for two reasons: 1, you will soon find out if others agree it is unpleasant and 2, they will see the reaction of other Gns.

I had a couple of pretty nasty messages some years back from someone no longer here. When I replied, perhaps a bit hastily, she reported me and hers was much worse than mine! Apart from that the only PM which was not lovely was from a Gn who was very patronising, I think she has left.

I think most PMs are from people who want to be helpful.

I would certainly delete & block the sender and try to not worry about it,upsetting as it may be you don't know this person from Adam so what right should they be able to have you upset.
I pm GNers who I have read asking for information on a personal issue and keep in touch with a few GNers who have become friends over the years as they don't post very often now.

It amazed me that the word “bloody” could warrant such an abusive PM when plenty other posters use some much fruitier language than that. Maybe she just doesn’t like me ?

I have only received lovely helpful PMs !

I'm feeling left out now, Tom didn't pm me. Nor did Dick or Harry

Maw

Monica, I was one of the others who received a PM from the ubiquitous 'Tom'. I think he rather fancied himself as everyone's Tom, Dick and Harry but ended up as an international joke on a website of vigilant Grans

Not so much of the Tom or Harry, just a bit of a D*ck?

I think GN would fear all hell breaking loose, kitty. PMers often copy others into their message to keep them onside. Exposing the pm will unleash the fury of his/her supporters.

Personally, I would name them because people will at least have a chance to see the post before it gets deleted but then I don't mind living dangerously

I am astonished that anyone would send you a nasty pm kittylester as you are not a combative poster at all!

I assume you are talking about the PM I received following my use of the word “bloody” kitty which was 3 months ago.
gillybob I remember that - you posted about it and I think I said 'Bloody Hell, gillybob, that's awful'.
(will I get a pm now?)

Delete and block - but if it is really offensive then you could report it to GNHQ.
And MissA - you're right, no-one knows another's state of mind so it is a very unkind thing to do.

The reason I started this thread was because I think that if these nasty pms are 'publicised' it night put people off sending them.

Its a horrible thing to do.
Nobody knows others' state of mind; certainly not by reading forums.
I would be really upset if someone did it to me.
Its the kind of thing I would find hard to put out of my mind, and I'm quite 'fragile' at times.

I too am agog Maggiemaybe (great name)

There is always going to be someone on a thread we disagree with, but I cannot see the point of taking it to PM and being nasty! What is the point?

I’m agog at all this PM activity! I’ve sent and received the odd one when thanks or apologies are due on either side, but have never had a nasty one. It’s worrying that people get away with it.

I seem to be lucky I have never had an unpleasant PM and am sorry that some others have. Anniebach is right there is a lot of trust involved in private messages and it's a pity some people try to spoil that

Years ago there was a thread about supermarkets and I posted a Stephen Fry quote but toned it down. I then received a pm from a long gone member accusing me of being a terrible snob!

I mentioned it without outing the sender which prompted another gransnetter to post the original, unedited version.

Oh the outrage.

Monica, I was one of the others who received a PM from the ubiquitous 'Tom'. I think he rather fancied himself as everyone's Tom, Dick and Harry but ended up as an international joke on a website of vigilant Grans. ???

Over the years I've had a couple of mildly unpleasant PMs, which I just ignored. However, if someone really insults and upsets you in a malicious pm for no reason, I think you should be able to publish their message and name, with no come back on you. Why should they get away with horrible behaviour and no one else aware of what they are really like? The spotlight should be on them, so everyone here sees what they have done.

GN's take on it is that private means private and you should not post about it. If you are upset you can forward it to them to deal with.

I'd rather stick up for myself.

That was to merlot!

Fine up to now!

I’ve had one, early GN days. It shocked me and left me upset initially until I decided it said more about the sender than it did me. I didn’t respond in any way, deleted it and blocked the sender which was the best course of action for me, had forgotten it until now. Interesting to read others thoughts. In terms of your question kitty, once something is sent surely it belongs to the recipient? Not sure what GN ‘rules’ say though.

Ha Ha, MissA. I suspect kitty will be needing to check her inbox before too long.

I'd have no compunction in naming them. Bullying online has to be stamped out.It's the most insidious of crimes as it is a crime when it affects the recipient to such a degree that they're on edge in case it happens again.It's horrible.

Technology has come a long way but it's also created misery.

I had a mildly unpleasant PM recently. I just blocked the sender. It did not merit the courtesy of a reply.

Oh, then there was Tom, but I used his PM to start a thread. Sadly I was not the only one he had mailed.