Felt a bit guilty this afternoon.

Interesting. ........... last

Sorry, reading a book is a no no in my book. As a grandparent I feel l have to be extra vigilant as like someone else said I’m not as fast as l was. Sensible, whatever a child has been taught comes with age!
We do bring our children up “properly “ here in the U.K. too!
Not quite sure what sort of responses you were expecting Felice.

So, Felice, in that case why did you say that you "felt really guilty" by wanting to "relax" while your DGS was in your care?
Even if we are not physically interacting with our charges we owe it to them and their parents to be watchful and alert and you cannot do that with a book in your hand.
Your comments to people who have taken the trouble to respond to your post are unwarranted.

Jalimal108
Quote A bit! of benign neglect never went amiss.?At what age in your view should this benign neglect apply. ?

And there was the magic words Felice.Mums & Dads interacting with Their Children.Nothing to worry about there,no doubt you were still vigilante watching over your G.son,while he was having fun playing with other children.

sarahellenwhitney
Where do I begin?

Benign neglect
non-interference that is intended to benefit someone or something more than continual attention would.

All the while keeping an eye on a child and ensuring his or her safety.
Not constantly and anxiously hovering over the child and trying to direct their play or control their friendships.

Goodness, I was going to say I wouldn’t dream of getting a book out if I’m overseeing my grandchildren in the park or anywhere else for that matter. Others have commented about the inappropriateness of such actions and it’s been taken with some offence. My take on this as a primary school teacher of more than 40 years and grandmother of 5 is that young children can be sensible but unpredictable - and perpetrators can be plausible and authentic. We are in ‘loco parentis’ as teachers and grandparents and must be extra vigilant. I’m far more careful and attentive with my grandchildren than I ever was with my own daughters purely because I’ve been entrusted with their care.

ps sarahhellenwitney
It was DoraMarr who mentioned benign neglect in the first place, others agreed and I agree with her too.

What would be your definition?

this summer holidays a group of young mums from the school met up for a play date in the local park. I was the only grandma - they kindly said for me to leave my grandson there and go home they would look after him. but iknew I couldn't leave him in their charge they would be busy chatting. so I just stayed

I think it’s all a matter of location. Benign neglect in your house or enclosed garden great. I think at a park it depends on the ages and characters of the kids.

I dislike helicoptering parents and grandparents and myself preferred to watch from the sidelines and be prepared to interact when and if needed.

It’s not black and white it’s a case by case basis

Hope you are feeling better now you have said that, felice.

I honestly think that you have nothing at all to feel guilty about because if you had of interrupted your Grandson while playing with another little boy I think it would have backfired on you as your Grandson was obviously happy playing and probably wouldn't want his Nan butting in you did the right thing by letting him play with another child ??

Benign neglect is absolutely important. How is a child going to grow up if some adult is always hovering around and in control? Child safety is also absolutely important so being aware of what your independent grandchild is up to, who she/he is with and what is going on around her/him could be vital. Society and how it works is really rather different from when our children were young, never mind when we were.

I find that I am much more careful and, indeed, timid, caring for my grandchildren than I ever was with my daughter. Nevertheless, I have taught "one hand, opposite foot" on the climbing frame – although never the equivalent of the Eiffel Tower in Ravenscourt Park that absentdaughter decided to climb when she was two – and a few other useful things.

I think people are taking issue with reading a book as well as interaction. In a busy park for young children even if you’re not playing with your child they still need watching for their own safety. I agree with other posters that it is very different from when our own children were small not least because there is so much more equipment! Both of my grandsons at 4 and 2 need some hands on interaction, especially the 2 yr old which is impossible from a seat, even if there was one.

I was the only grandma - they kindly said for me to leave my grandson there and go home they would look after him
I wouldn't have left him there either, unless it was with a friend I could trust.

A book ? Not a phone then ? I say this because in insecure and busy areas such as villages/towns and cities I've seen many who,in charge of children have been oblivious to their surrounds and children included by their constant use of these phones. Inside shops,out comes the phone while children/toddlers are left to do " their own thing ". A totally dangerous practice in many ways as it takes but a split second for a child to be in danger.
I don't also agree with becoming engrossed in a book either but let's get things into perspective.

Yes perspective,,, as most of the posters do not even know where this Parc is, although I have made that quite clear, I am a very hand on Grandma, living in the granny flat in the family home.
DGS has me and DD on tap, so to speak. DD is a registered housewife,,, yes they do exist here.
He was running around with another 6 year old, he would have been horrified if I had interfered with his play.

The young man on security duty in the play area was very concientious, introducing himself to parents and children.
Unaccompanied adults, smoking and dogs are strictly forbidden.
The gate locks are childproof and whilst not quite as bad as ones in another parc we use still difficult to open from inside the parc.

I feel as though I am constantly apologising for living in a different country just now, especially Belgium. I had enough abuse over my knee replacement surgery, then I was told I was wasting NHS money, my Surgeon was a fantasist, I would be 'incarcerated' and various other insults.
I like browsing GN but will give up on posting anything about living here.

When I worked in nurseries we always had a gymnastics bench laid on two supports, about 18’’ high. It was always well used, becoming whatever the children wanted it to be. However, one staff member consistently went into the group of children and began directing play. The group of children dispersed immediately! She had to be told to apply a bit of ‘benign neglect’ to allow the children to play!

Felice maybe if you'd initially mentioned the security surrounding the area in which you were then you mightn't have had the "backlash" you received then no need for any apologies. I certainly don't see the need to apologise for where you live as it matters not to me anyway. I enjoy reading about the different areas and countries which people live in, so carry on posting. x
I think that most,me included had understood it to have been a public park where it's not a place where you take your eyes off a child/children playing.

I was a Senior Community Education Officer in a previous life . We often had to teach volunteers and part time staff to stand back, children learn through play and interaction with other children of all ages. Grown ups get in the way, however well meaning.

It is a public parc and I did say I was in the secure play area more than once.

I did say I was in the secure play area

I think most of us read it as that felice

Oh goodness,it's me and my lack of concentration again. My apologies felice.

Dear felice
I certainly was not suggesting you interfere in your dgs play. There is a difference between keeping an eye on him from a suitable distance and hovering over him.
As many families have unfortunately found out, even where there is supposed to be qualified supervision, there is no guarantee of safety.
I do not hover over my 2dgs, but I would never take my eyes of them when we go to the park (which is very safe), to read a book, when they are in my care. I do take my responsibilities very seriously.
I am sure that you get great enjoyment watching him play and interact with other children.