Loneliness in the news again

I am not sure why its thought the government can sort out this problem, loneliness is a state of mind, an emotion, of course the GP might suggest joining something or other but surely its the people unable to leave home who have the biggest problem. Of course if the postman noticed something wrong one would hope he might raise the alarm but ours change all the time and I am sure they wouldn't have a clue who was in each house. My mum got round some of the problem by living in sheltered housing but said many times it was strange to know there was no-one left who remembered her from middle age let alone younger.

Thanks for your comment , I am one of the co-founders of Befriended . We are delighted to be able to help with the problem of loneliness , but we need more volunteers to meet more people in Mid Sussex. If you can help, get in touch.

I wish Gransnet had an edit button dam typos

I agree lonliness is missunderstood it isnt just about being alone that can be ok sometimes, its about feeling alone and that can happen in Crowded room.
Its about walking home with bags of heavy shopping in the pouring rain because no one thinks to ask you if you need help.
Its about all those task and jobs you are unable to completed that your husband or paterner helped with. His absence leaves you feeling helpless and inadequate
( putting that blind up, sorting out the compture or the printer again, fixing that loo seat )
It’s the acknowladgement that no one needs/ wants you that day that week that month that year .
Its the knowing you are no ones thoughts.
It’s the coming home to an empy house and shouting its only me to a resPonse of slience .
It’s the never hearing anyone say are you OK.
ITs never having a cup of tea made for you.
It is having no to tell that you feel unwell
Its having no one to tell when you had a good day
It having no one to show your lasted hobby creation to.
It’s the looking for smaller tins of christams chocolate / christmas pudding for one person.
Its wondering what christmas moveys will be on to fill your time.
Its knowing someone will be in touch when they need something money, a car a babysitter for the week.
It is acknowing you wont receive a christmas( and for me a brithday card on christams day ) .
It a feeling of how the hell did I get here
its dealling with all the problems and worries complely alone.
It’s a feeling of anxiety
its feeling greatful when someone does speak to you
It’s a question in your head what the hell is wrong with me.
Its exchausting every avenue of support but finding you dont fit the criteia and being ignored by the so call support agencies
It can be a mental health problem
It not just retired people at ahome all day who suffer full time workers oo experience it.
Its not a definable thing its not a concept its not just one thing you can put your fingeron , its subjective complex on going , and somthing I know only too well

Margs. You and me both.Two of a kind.
What's the betting you live one end of the country and myself the other.?

JuneS - you and I are in the same lonely place, although my husband died five years ago. Hell, isn't it?
Margs - YES!

I agree with Flexible Friend. Loneliness is a state of mind, it is an internal thing, and no amount of suggestions to join ‘groups’, will go any way towards solving it.

The loneliness of losing your lifelong companion and partner is also very real and concrete in an entirely different way. I once read that although you never stop missing that person, you know the real grieving is over when you can internalise that person. You carry him or her around and they become part of you.

I'm pretty appalled by the idea being floated that Posties should be encouraged to keep an eye on people living on their own - snooping, in other words.

I value beyond any amount of money my independence and those times when being solitary is just sheer peace and bliss.

I do not want a paid nosey-parker from Royal Mail asking if I'm alright, feeling well, done anything interesting today, had a proper breakfast, seen the doctor recently, etc, etc, etc. As the Postie round our way seems to change from week to week (and around Xmas they're a rabble of temporary odd and sods) I wouldn't feel at all safe or secure.

In the past my GP sent a Social Worker to make sure I was "getting on OK" after a fairly routine illness. I had to send her packing, pronto, when I caught her going through various drawers supposedly "just looking for your next of kin....."

Nosey idiot!

Lynne - have you mentioned that you have plenty of spaces at your day care centres to your local GP’s? I think they might bite your hand off and you’d quickly find numbers going up when other health care professionals also found out about it.

It is difficult for the lonely to access groups and clubs while our public transport continues to be decimated. I know that some kind car drivers are happy to give lifts but they wait for non drivers to ask. This is not easy for someone who is already marginalised. So much easier if a driver says What time would you like me to pick you up.

Firstly try Age UK ,who have people who will visit for free I did a lot of voluntary work for one of their branches showing people how to use Pcs, tablets, digi, cameras etc
I think society has changed a lot ,the caring is not there by many of the younger generations.
many are in their own world.
most retired people I speak to with grand children ,I should say younger adults ,do not have a great deal of contact like it used to be be.
politicians don't understand whats required?
so give Age UK a try it may help you.

I am working for a new projectv IMPACTAgewell®( Funded by Dunhill Medical Trust) that supports vulnerable older people to stay healthy , active and connected in their own homes for as long as possible. We work on an ongoing basis as a team with the GP, Pharmacist, Health Trust and community groups to link them in to the support they feel they need/ want and are interested in . In addition ( and very importantly) we offer financial support to the group for the first 3 times a person attends a community group / activity as we know they desperately need the money to keep going . Social prescriptions are a good idea to reconnect but not if the groups are not supported to deal with the increase on demand.

Discussion on Radio 4. Lonliness . Cheers one up. If lonely more at risk of so many illnesses .

Thanks Anniebach x

I hope you find people who would love to be there Lynne, don’t give up x

Anniebach.... yes, I see that. I have depression and anxiety (for which I have medication - nobody would guess as I hide my true self well). The 1st step for anything - school, new job, slimming club, dance lessons, etc., etc., can be daunting - but once a person has taken the 1st step, it gets easier.

I take into account all those things you say about some people not feeling able to mix with a lot of others, and the day centres I run have tables of 5 people on each because of that. I sit with each new person for a short time, introduce them to the more quiet members of the group, and ease them in gently.

I think it's a terrible shame that so many people sit looking at the tv all day, with nobody to talk to, nothing to do, when there are places like my day centres.

Ah well, I'll keep trying....

PECS, I do hope it works out for your Aunt and her companion .

Lynne, it does make sense , fear of meeting strangers , uncomfortable being organised, shy, depressed, if been lonely for some time may find the company of more than one or two people too much

Lynne Same aunt as in above post was collected by the community bus to go to the day centre on recommendation of her GP.. she might be 94 but mentally she is still in her prime! It was the day centre manager who could see my aunt would be lonelier spending an afternoon there with folk who were not as 'with it' as my aunt and said she did not think it was the right place for her but she could come as a helper!

The two dance classes I attend every week are a lifeline for me after DH's stroke. However, they are held in church/village halls and need a car to get to. Our lovely instructor has to pay considerable booking fees and sometimes with holidays and granny duties ( yes, many of us are) means that she runs the class at a loss.
Also newcomers have to be brave enough to accept a bedding in period of a few weeks dance step wise. We always try to be friendly and encouraging.
If you are lonely and lacking in confidence that must appear a bit of a mountain to climb.
Even if the class gets paid for, getting to the venue may be even more of a problem.

Yes of course annie health and mobility are tough to manage too. I have an aunt who is 94 lived on her own and can only go out and about if someone takes her , or by taxi. I am about 40 minutes away.
She now has a live in companion..a young woman in her 20s through a 'care and share' scheme. This scheme offers a bedsit in return for some light housework and shopping. It is a new venture for my aunt so will let you know how she gets on!

There are so many very lonely people - many of whom are elderly/disabled, perhaps haven't got a family, or have a family but never see them.

I worked in the care sector for 22 years and saw this, time and again.

For the last 15 months, I've been the Manager of 2 very friendly day centres for elderly people, and the people who turn up every week love it. We have a home-cooked (fresh, on the premises) lunch and pudding, hot drinks, cakes in the afternoon, and varied entertainment every week - guitarists, magicians, craft sessions, local bands, even a ventriloquist one week, and a harpist. Bingo once every 2 months. I buy lovely birthday presents for each person, we sing Happy Birthday, bake the person a cake. We have a minibus with a wheelchair lift, and it collects people, takes them home later. I have even employed a carer, to help people with toileting. All that for £12 per day!
Christmas is especially nice - "Santa" gives everyone a gift, we have a choir to sing for us, the place is decorated up, and the Christmas dinner with wine or beer is free!

Why then, aren't people coming?! Over the past 8 months, several people have died/gone into care homes/been too unwell to continue coming. I've advertised by flyers in doors, in shops/surgeries/libraries etc. Even in local newspapers and magazines, Facebook, etc.

There are so many lonely and isolated people around, but still, they won't take that 1st step to join anything! I can't understand how some people can say they're lonely and don't go anywhere but won't make the effort to go to their front door, get on our minibus, and have a lovely day with is. It doesn't make sense.

And a persons health PECS

Well all I can see PECS is if there is a charge for the dance class or water colour group the prescription will pay for it That’s how I read it but maybe I m wrong

Am I missing something? If these social groups are within striking distance of a lonely patient already then how is a prescription going to make it easier for said person to walk into a club or class on their own?
Being lonely is often not because there are not places out there where folk of various ages can get together..though closure of youth services/ children centres does not help. It is more to do with the personality of the person who is lonely.

I can’t see this government funding groups and classes for the lonely! it’s hard enough to access counselling services these days, and the waiting lists are ridiculously long. in my area it’s at least 12 weeks.